Philadelphia Elvis Fest… confronting the existential question of why my best friend lives so far away.
Let us recap what you know about me:
I have an old house.
I like fancy stuff.
Let me introduce you to something you don’t know:
I love Elvis Presley.
A lot.
A LOT, a lot.
On Thursday afternoon last week, Paul called me… He said— hey. Do you want to go to The Philadelphia Elvis Fest?
And I was like– WHAT?
He said—I just drove by a giant sign that says: Ultimate Elvis Contest.
And I was like– WHAT?
Paul said—so that’s a yes?
I was like—are you asking me if I want to go to a competition where people LOVE Elvis? And sing Elvis songs?
And DRESS LIKE ELVIS?
That’s a question you have about me?
Really?
Because it shouldn’t be.
The only question here is whether it’s too late for me to enter.
And WHY I have not been preparing a routine.
And also, WHAT WILL I WEAR??
Why do I not own an Elvis jumpsuit? I mean, that’s just a staple of any wardrobe… Why am I always so deficient and failing to plan ahead?
Paul said– you probably don’t need to dress up if you’re not actually in the contest.
I was like, how can you even suggest that I go to Elvis Fest not in some kind of costume?
This is an ELVIS contest. WHY would I go to an Elvis contest as NOT ELVIS?
That’s me, getting on Elvis’s airplane at Graceland… If you read my post about my road trip to Texas with my best friend, you’ve seen this photo before. And I appreciate that you never asked me why I’m wearing mom jeans.
After Paul called me, Thursday was lost… I spent an hour googling Philadelphia Elvis Fest and being disappointed at the lack of consumable information.
I also spent time reading the regulations governing Elvis Tribute Artist contests.
I like to know these things.
Then I spent another hour trying to find a seller on Amazon who offered same-day delivery for a surely-disappointing, but still hugely-tempting Elvis jumpsuit. Also, Amazon took it one step further and suggested an Eagle cape. Which? You may see me wearing in a future post.
When Friday came, I was totally depressed at the thought of going to Elvis Fest, NOT wearing something appropriately expressive of my enthusiasm…
But when I opened my closet? I realized that actually, I DID have something to wear to an Elvis Festival…
So now is where I tell you what else I love, besides Elvis: my best friend.
On our trip to Texas, we collected t-shirts… I have t-shirts from Nashville, and Beale St, and The Alamo, and someplace in Arkansas…and about 50 places in-between.
But Lara got the best t-shirt… it was the only one on the rack, and I’ve been jealous for going on thirteen years.
A year ago, she mailed to it me.
Are you ready?
I am unable to make a normal face for any picture I am excited about.
All my photo albums are full of me having a fantastic time… and looking demented.
Most of my wedding photos are totally unusable because I look like an alien.
Lara is the very definition of a best friend… Someone who is there for you, an entire year ahead of time.
Someone who mails you the Elvis Rocks t-shirt.
Clairvoyantly!
I appreciate her SO much… that I won’t even mention how she didn’t TELL me that she shrunk the life out of it.
Or how when I put it on, I was like– why did Lara only send me HALF of this shirt?
On the way over, Paul tried to manage my expectations. Probably because I was saying repeatedly– this is going to be the most fun EVER.
Paul’s feeling is that I need everything to be a trip to Disneyland… Covered with glitter… And if it’s not, I will just make up the difference in my head. And sometimes this leads to me being horribly disappointed when confronted with reality.
Paul thinks that I should wait and see what actually happens, before deciding that something is going to be the epitome of my entire existence.
But we walked in, and I was like—NOPE!!!
I was TOTALLY right.
This is the GREATEST. DAY. EVER.
I understand that you think I’m exaggerating… Overenthusiasm and hyperbole are my normal setting.
But in this instance, I am not kidding at all.
If I could just live in an Elvis Tribute Artist contest at all times? It would solve every single one of my problems.
Everything is so well-defined. And full of rhinestones and suspended-disbelief.
Where has this been all my life? I HAVE WASTED SO MUCH TIME.
I have spent entire years going to the grocery store and brushing my cat… While OTHER people are going to events titled Ultimate Elvis Festival, and Night of 100 Elvises.
And ELVIS WEEK. Which is in Memphis, at Graceland… and is the culmination of ALL Elvis contests.
It is unbelievable to me that I did not know about this… Hello? I could have MARRIED one of these guys.
Paul was like—I can see I’m not stacking up well here.
I was like—you have NO idea.
The only part that wasn’t awesome? Was my lack of participation.
I need to be able to insert myself into any proceedings that I find irresistible… and it’s magnified a thousand times if there are costumes involved.
It was actually PAINFUL to me, to not be center stage, dressed like Elvis.
To watch OTHER people. And their collars!
And their belts.
And their rings.
And their hair.
And their karate moves.
How I have failed to orchestrate this in my own life?
WHY IS THAT NOT ME?
Plus? You haven’t seen me do “Are You Lonesome Tonight?”
It is the very definition of awesome.
So when they had intermission, I said—I think I should go up there.
Paul said nothing. Which is his usual response to any idea where he is afraid to resist, and therefore cement the appeal.
Apparently, he does not know that I find his silence evidence of a truly superior idea.
So I said—Yes. I should DEFINITELY go up there.
I was JUST getting warmed up… I hadn’t even begun to do any of my really good moves…When security showed up.
I guess they’re pretty serious about the costume requirements… and I respect that.
But I’ll be back next year. I’m going into training full time… so that I’ll be ready.
These people are my kin, and I need to be among them.
April 17, 2013 @ 10:08 am
Hey girl! Ok so I’m singing with an Elvis impersonator! This post cracked me up because I know nothing about Elvis and now I have to learn. Fast!
His name is Todd Allen Herendeen and he is fantastic! Based out of Panama City Beach Florida an has an Elvis show in a theater down there. My husband and I fly in to do dates with him.
Check him out! I think you will fall in love with him! 🙂
April 17, 2013 @ 10:30 am
I’m sorry? How did you get my dream gig? When you do not even worship Elvis? NOT FAIR.
Going to google him right now…
January 2, 2017 @ 4:24 pm
Check out the documentary Almost Elvis. It was created by a friend of mine and I’ve met a couple of the Elvis impersonators in it and it’s just good fun. 🙂
April 17, 2013 @ 10:20 am
Ok, I have a name for you:
Ben Portsmouth. He is “The World’s Ultimate Elvis Presley Impersonator”
Here is a link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=G8fjHJbF9Es
Go watch NOW. You can thank me later.
April 17, 2013 @ 10:28 am
You think I did not spend ALL DAY Saturday, watching youtube of the Memphis Ultimate from last year? He is AWESOME! Plus I really like the young guy too… Victor Trevino Jr.
We have vacation scheduled to the beach, the week of August 10th already, or I would SERIOUSLY be headed to Memphis. No lie… so I guess next year.
April 17, 2013 @ 10:33 am
I wouldn’t call myself an Elvis person, even though my 6th grade boyfriend did give me a teddy bear that played “Love Me Tender” and ever since I’ve considered it to be the pinnacle of romance. However, I recognize your enthusiasm from my first (and only SO FAR) Monster Truck Rally. I spent the whole thing sobbing with delight while my amused husband took photos of me. It’s very sad that I’ve now moved from a redneck town where these things happened regularly to a Dignified City where there isn’t one on the calender for the next FIVE YEARS. (It occurs to me that Elvis is way fancier than Monster Trucks, so hopefully the comparison doesn’t offend. )
April 17, 2013 @ 10:42 am
No… it’s actually a great comparison. Anything that is larger-than-life and makes you sob with delight, qualifies.
It doesn’t matter if it’s ironic or not… I expected to have LOTS of irony at an Elvis impersonation contest… but whatever I walked in with, evaporated nearly immediately… most of which I attribute to HOW good the guys actually were.
Have you looked for any wrestling events? The kind held in a stadium and involving mullet-wearing participants? That might tide you over until the Monster Trucks come to town.
April 17, 2013 @ 11:01 am
That’s brilliant. Luchadores would be amazing.
April 17, 2013 @ 6:08 pm
Great minds think alike.
April 17, 2013 @ 11:14 am
Victoria,
The venue looks smallish, were there tons of fans in attendance? At least now you can check out the schedule and be involved next year. I admire your moxie, I would have been too fearful to get on stage without costume. I can totally see you rocking a rhinestone laden jump suit and singing Nothin’ but a hound dog. 😀
Clearly, Paul is an exceptional husband and very thoughtful!
Karen
April 17, 2013 @ 6:18 pm
It was some kind of bar/catering hall… not exactly a high-end establishment. There were probably 200 people there? Not a lot, but they were enthusiastic!
Next year I’m proposing myself for MC… no joke.
April 17, 2013 @ 11:18 am
This is similar to my feeling when Neil Diamond came to town and my husband surprised me with tickets. I was probably a good 35 years younger than most of the concert attendees, but I knew every word to every song and may have uttered once or twice “Damn, he is sexy!”. ha. How awesome is Paul for not only telling you about something like this but going with you?! Awesome husband. Awesome.
PS – I love that you wore the Elvis Rocks tee with a pale pink cardigan. Two worlds collide. 🙂
April 17, 2013 @ 6:29 pm
I’m jealous you got to see your ideal concert!! That’s amazing… your husband must have been so excited to surprise you, knowing how thrilled you’d be. I talked to some of the women there, (much older, like you said) one had seen Elvis in person FIVE times. I was totally jealous.
The t-shirt was so shrunk, the armholes seemed to begin at the neck opening… not really a good look… hence the pink cardigan, which I completely agree is the only thing to wear with it.
April 17, 2013 @ 12:12 pm
My Dad was so in love with Elvis. Which translated to the entire family listening to Elvis for FOREVER and we loved it.
One cool thing happened : My Dad had tickets to an Elvis concert for us (when Elvis was in his prime of awesomeness). The line ups were huge. My Dad ran into the concert while we all parked the car.
We sat near the front row ! I sat on my Dad’s shoulders while watching all the ladies lose their minds in excitement. It was epic. Best childhood memory ever. I totally get your Elvis love. xx
April 17, 2013 @ 6:34 pm
I’ve passed out on the floor with envy… not kidding at all. That must have been AWESOME!!!
I talked to one woman there, who’d seen Elvis in person five times… I was totally jealous. I really cannot imagine what that would have been like, to experience a show where the audience was SO enthralled.
April 17, 2013 @ 12:25 pm
I never caught the Elvis fever, but this post makes me want to have it. You are so inspiring and hysterical too of course. My BFF’s cousin is/was an Elvis Impersonator and won a contest on TV and has done concerts. I forget his name, but he lives or lived in Italy. I guess his name is “Elvis”
April 17, 2013 @ 6:37 pm
I don’t know why I love Elvis so much, but it’s the same way I feel about Don Draper… some kind of unattainable appeal??
It’s kind of frightening to imagine what would happen if I was that fixated on someone actually alive… I would definitely have been arrested for stalking by now.
April 17, 2013 @ 11:30 pm
Her cousins name is Trent Carlini and he performs in Vegas now.
April 18, 2013 @ 9:25 am
Going to google now…
April 17, 2013 @ 12:56 pm
I cannot wait for the picture of you in the Elvis cape.
April 17, 2013 @ 6:38 pm
And a giant belt, right? What good is a cape, without the belt?
April 17, 2013 @ 6:47 pm
Sorry, the only thing I took from this post is that you have a gorgeous flat stomach! And look awesome in shrunk shirts. 🙂
I too, look forward to the picture of you in a cape!!
April 17, 2013 @ 9:29 pm
Laughing… it has been awhile since I dressed like that… years. And I actually started writing about the appropriateness factor, and how I am afraid I may end up as one of those women who don’t know where the line is… but ended up taking it out, since it was morphing into its own post.
In summary—I may be the eighty-year-old woman at the grocery store in leopard hot pants.
April 17, 2013 @ 9:45 pm
Umm….if I had a stomach like that I’d be showing it off at every opportunity! 😉 you go girl!! And laughing out loud re 80yr old woman in leopard pants! Why not??
April 18, 2013 @ 9:27 am
You know the woman I’m referring to… dyed blonde/blue eyeshadow… high heels with a walker…whenever I see one, it makes me happy. That maybe I too will just say—oh, to hell with it… 🙂
July 13, 2013 @ 12:21 am
I gather from some of your posts that you are almost the same age as me (maybe you are a year younger, which is annoying). . . but I will totally rock the leopard pants when I’m (we) are 80 because leopard is a “neutral”. You didn’t get the memo???? (or log in to pinterest ????)
April 17, 2013 @ 6:52 pm
You are the best kept secret that I know.
April 17, 2013 @ 9:30 pm
I love you. I love you so, so, so much.
But? PLEASE do not feel obligated to keep the secret.
April 17, 2013 @ 8:31 pm
I am MADLY in love with Frank Sinatra. I am (almost) convinced that he is my boyfriend, albeit that he is dead, and were he not, he’d be 72 years my senior. This is just slightly younger than my grandfather, and therefore creepy, and very socially unacceptable. Needless to say, he’s hanging on my bedroom wall anyway.
April 17, 2013 @ 9:38 pm
Clearly you are my twin.
I will not ask you how you feel about Ava Gardener… because I would never say anything so painful to someone who is so much like me.
Also, you join me in reviling the crap that is Twilight… and therefore are my people.
April 18, 2013 @ 2:04 pm
I pretend you didn’t say Ava Gardner because we have the same middle name. I also have a deep love for Don Draper (though I don’t think I could handle anything more than a scandalous affair), and Downton Abby. I’m a little behind in the series (both series actually) so I haven’t picked my object d’jour yet.
April 18, 2013 @ 5:56 pm
I like to pretend I would be the one to leave Don… that I would break his heart and ruin him for all other women.
April 18, 2013 @ 6:25 pm
Thanks for the follow, by the way!
April 17, 2013 @ 9:30 pm
Seriously? Because until now our tastes have been so similar, but now, alas ,two roads diverged in a yellow wood. I know you love to dress up but Polyester Elvis was just not cool, no matter how you look at it. Sweating overweight jump-suited, caped Elvis just made me sad because he was so sad himself. He couldn’t quite figure the late 60’s out, especially the Beatles and how he could stay relevant. Now young,gospel singing, blues influenced, rock and roll Leather Elvis was a different story. No one ever was hotter or more cutting edge than that! Sorry, but to utter the names of Polyester Elvis and Don Draper in the same breath is tantamount to blasphemy. However, you are beautifully unique, and if polyester jump suits turn you on, enjoy!
April 17, 2013 @ 9:41 pm
Sigh… there WAS a leather Elvis. But he CHANGED before I could get a picture. Paul said: Elvis waits for no one…
There was also an 18-year-old Elvis. Who. Was. Adorable. In my photo with him? I look like a lecherous old woman… I was kind of alarmed when reviewing it…
I have to say that I’m not actually familiar with the real version of polyester Elvis. I grew up with his movies… where he is mostly young and totally adorable, and wooing Ann Margaret.
But also, I have a STRONG appreciation for any kind of weirdness factor… earlier on Facebook, my friend commented how there is an Elvis impersonator who performs near her house who is really terrible and sweaty… and Lara quickly jumped in to say—Victoria would love him.
April 17, 2013 @ 10:27 pm
This is fantastic! You better have ordered the eagle cape.
April 18, 2013 @ 9:28 am
Pretty sure it will be the best $30 ever spent.
April 18, 2013 @ 7:25 am
This blog captures your lunacy and exuberance in all their glory. I’m glad you took a break from house-and-blog obsessions to write it. Sorry I shrunk the shirt. I didn’t realize I had; I just thought I got too fat to wear it. 🙂
April 18, 2013 @ 9:57 am
I need to send you a photo of me in it that was not chosen to NOT offend people… you will see it’s in no way in its original form.
April 18, 2013 @ 7:38 am
The shirt isn’t shrunk, V. Lara did keep half for more than a memory of the time that you two spent together! I’m only glad she was able to tell me what that psychedelic scrap of cloth was before I used it to do the dishes.
I never knew that the love of my love could yell out like Wall*E when she too, was concerned over her most precious belongings being in jeopardy!
April 18, 2013 @ 9:58 am
Mmmhmm… AS I SUSPECTED, she kept part of it.
p.s.- nice to meet you, officially.
p.p.s.- Paul would approve of the WallE reference.
April 18, 2013 @ 10:42 am
Thank you… thank you very much
(for this fun post)! I remember gathering around the tv when I was younger to watch Elvis. My mother turned into a woman I hardly recognized when Elvis was mentioned or came on the screen. To this day I still enjoy watching his old movies.
Richie and I had a great time visiting Graceland and got some wonderful pictures. Talk about gaudy! In the most wonderful way of course. It was a hoot and something I’m glad we did while in Memphis.
That security guard looked pretty vicious! Good thing you made it out alive. HA HA! Looks like a total blast. Enjoyed seeing your excitement!
April 18, 2013 @ 6:00 pm
Do you remember the white ceramic monkey in the “Jungle Room?” For some reason it sticks in my mind more than anything else at Graceland… it was utterly creepy, but also something I would like to put on my coffee table.
My dad tells a good story about how he remembers where he was when he first heard Heartbreak Hotel… and how the whole country was crazy for Elvis… always makes me sad I missed out on that era.
April 19, 2013 @ 2:28 am
This is so great!! I can’t believe you went and got so many amazing photos. The one with the security guard is my favorite! And proof that Paul is a willing participant in all your wild ideas.
This looks like such a blast. It also explains your passion for disco balls. How have I not put the two together before? Glitter + Elvis = All that is right in the world. Way to rock the mom jeans and the tiny shirt and thankfully not on the same day.
April 19, 2013 @ 9:17 am
Right?? The ONLY thing that was missing was some disco balls!! Maybe next year I’ll bring my own.
April 22, 2013 @ 2:21 pm
The last picture…priceless!! I am guessing you saw the episode of New Girl from about 2 weeks ago when Elvis had to be a huge theme at Nick’s Dad’s funeral. No? Ok my bad…
April 22, 2013 @ 5:15 pm
Loved it! I was totally raised on Elvis by parents by whom little else was tolerated as music. What a sweetie you have there to be so sporting about Elvis, especially after the complicated retrieval of your big Craigslist find so recently!
And what goes together better than an 80-year-old woman in leopard pants?? I definitely see leopard in my future.
April 25, 2013 @ 12:31 pm
Me too! Leopard, over-dyed hair… crazy big jewelry…
April 23, 2013 @ 2:22 pm
This was amazing. =)
April 25, 2013 @ 12:30 pm
🙂