Do I really need a range hood?
SEE OUR FINISHED KITCHEN HERE!
I need to tell you my deepest darkest kitchen secret:
I do not like a range hood.
I hate them all.
I particularly detest the massive monument-to-wasted-space that has become a bizarre status symbol; like mounting a Range Rover over your stove.
Sure, you can choose one that is low-profile, but that would be in direct opposition to the opportunity to install an oversized jet-engine, directly in the place your face goes while standing at the stove.
Although obviously, (like any sensible person) I would trade a good portion of my soul for this kitchen.
Those sentences above areĀ the beginning of a post I started months agoā¦ Back when I thought I could withstand the scorn of the internet if I chose to not waste money and space onĀ an appliance that I will never use.
However.
I have since begun to fear the wrath of the Appropriate-Cooking-Evaluators: a band of angry militants who patrol the internet for violations which offend them personally; and who believe that forgoing a direct-vented range hood is akin to voluntarily injecting yourself with Ebola virusā unbelievably stupid.
Like this kitchen below– so terrible! Let’s take a moment to reflect on how badly we feel for these people that their kitchen is so subpar!
Iām practically BLIND FROM HOW HORRIBLE THIS IS.
So whyĀ would I considerĀ an about-face from hood-denier to herd-animal; when my preferred response to scorn and judgment is always to dig in my heels and run forward towards the executioner?
I guess the internet has broken me.
Specifically, a particular element to the internet that pervades every single topic that people can possibly form an opinion about: the mindset that there is ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY to do something that has zero impact on anyone else’s life.
The ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY people believe ONE THING, and then that is ALL THEY BELIEVE and they make it their lifeās work to make sure anyone not doing THE WAY is immediately disqualified from life, clapped in irons, and dragged to the town square to be flogged for idiocy.
Which, upon reflection, is the source of all human conflict through history: your own opinions are fine, but other peopleās are moronic and intolerable and deserving of the flaming cannonballs with chains.
Unless they happen to agree with you, in which case they are well-informed.
The ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY peopleās initial input is well-meaning! (If bordering on didactic and unhinged.)
But if you fail to PROPERLY HEED THEIR WARNING AND APPRECIATE THEIR WISDOMā¦they become enraged.
WHY! Why would someone WHO HAS BEEN WARNED!! Fail to instal a direct-vent range hood???
Look at THESE IDIOTS! Living without a range hood!
Imbeciles!
Ā
I am thinking specifically of a kitchen-chatboard thread, where a woman explained that it was IMPOSSIBLE to direct-vent her range hood. And she wondered if (seeing as how she couldnāt direct vent,) could she just skip the questionably-effective-substitute-which-is-essentially-just-a-fan and install a light fixture she had fallen in love with.
It was the light fixture of her dreams! A design element that would bring her peace and joy and goodwill towards all! A lamp that would improve her very existence on earth and she could die happy because SHE HAD THE BEST LAMP.
The responses variedā¦ but there were an ALARMING number of respondents who were EXTREMELY BOTHERED by the fact that this woman was not gutting her kitchen to the studs and reconfiguring everything towards the goal of direct-venting the range hoodā¦ and she should probably just go out and rent a bulldozer THAT VERY NIGHT and knock it all down to the ground while flagellating herself for having considered any other option.
Ā
They basically went on to suggest that she was a filthy, squalor-dwelling subhuman moron.
And as I read on and on and onā¦ I have to tell you that I was AMAZED at the PASSION total strangers were bringing to disparaging this woman and her lamp… I mean, who has time for lengthy screeds decrying other people’s DESIGN CHOICES?
And then I was EVEN MORE AMAZED at how these people do not realize that they look like flaming lunatics.
My FAVORITE response was from a woman who wrote:
This one time, we didnāt have a range hood, and we had to THROW AWAY ALL OF OUR BELONGINGS INCLUDING THE FURNITURE after one monthĀ BECAUSE THEY SMELLED SO FOUL AND HORRIBLEĀ from non-vented cooking odors.
I donāt know about youā¦ but that does NOT sell me on a ventā¦ it DOES, however, make me wonder WHAT THIS WOMAN IS MAKING FOR DINNER.
Anyway. All of this is to explain that I do not want a range hood.
But that I am thinking about it anyway.
Because of the internet.
And I am mad about it.
The way Iāve decided to deal with this irritating anxiety that MY kitchen in MY house designed to MY preferences might draw the ire of some random stranger on the internet is to turn it over to you.
Here’s what you need to know: our township construction code does not require one. I will not have an eight-burner stove outgassing 67 billion btu’s/therms/whatever other specs.
Ok! GO FOR IT!
This is your chance!
I WASH MY HANDS.
And if you fail to draw me out from the cave and convince me of the shadows on the wall, then you must return to your war room and inform the other ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY-ers that your method is flawed.
Please make a good argument! Definitely do not include information like this: you NEED a hood!
Because: SURPRISE! I do not!
I can prove that to you because we HAD a hood! It was direct-vented!
And I NEVER USED IT.
I never used it SO MUCH that I had Paul take it out.
Every single night I was likeā WHY IS THIS THING RIGHT IN MY FACE?
Until eventually I was like– Plague of nonsense, BE GONE!
p.s.ā save some outrage for the post where I explain how Iām thinking of not having a freezer.
xoxo,
VEB, squalor-dwelling subhuman moron, esq.
December 14, 2016 @ 9:25 pm
No hood. Lived in this house for 35 years. Don’t need one. Cook a lot. My SIL cooks so much and is a German cook who cooks for a large family. No hood. Doesn’t need one. Both of our homes smell just fine. Now you are really going to go crazy. I don’t have curtains or drapes in my entire house, despite having over 20 windows, and some really large ones. Happy with blinds. I don’t care for cloth around windows for lots of reasons. Do what YOU want. 35 years ago when I built this house I nearly stroked out the designer I had advising me because, gasp, I wanted an open concept, 18 foot ceilings in the living area, and open beams everywhere. Guess what?
December 14, 2016 @ 9:29 pm
Surprise! My 104-y-o house doesn’t have a hood. People have cooked hoodless for millennia. I avoid Brussells sprouts and fried fish because the scent lingers too long, but otherwise, NO problem! I’ll remember that, though, in case I want to justify new furniture. If you don’t want a hood, don’t get one.
December 14, 2016 @ 9:51 pm
i swear you are my soul sister. your posts on the giant mirror and the spool cabinets had me convinced we were related, but the hood question has me wondering if you are talking to my friends and relatives… i have a gorgeous restored antique stove with an upper and lower oven (i know, right?!) it gets better– it is art nouveau, dated 1910, with GLASS DOORS! so with the 2 ovens it is pretty tall for my greek revival low ceiling house and not sure how i could possibly get a hood in, let alone make it look decent. father has been hounding me about smoke inhalation, but i just try my best not to burn dinner. so it smells like frittata upstairs for a few days, at least i have the most awesome stove ever.
December 14, 2016 @ 10:10 pm
Ok. I live in an old home that is improperly vented. I can smell last night’s dinner every morning in my upstairs hallway. I recommend the vents that come up from behind the stove.
December 14, 2016 @ 10:46 pm
Ours keeps the smoke detector from going off whenever the hubby cooks. Well, that’s IF I’m there to remind him to turn it on BEFORE the smoke detector goes off!
December 14, 2016 @ 10:49 pm
I absolutely agree about those pesky appliances encroaching on our design ethos. For my new kitchen I came up with a couple of acceptable (to me!) solutions. See my Pinterest board for my hidden extractor fan over the stove, and my microwave cabinet that hides the wee eyesore! https://nz.pinterest.com/jckiecossar/my-house/
There are also pics of the recent damage we sustained in the 7.8 earthquakes we had on 14 Nov 2016.
December 14, 2016 @ 11:17 pm
Don’t worry about others’ opinions. Do what makes you happy. The world needs more happy people!
December 14, 2016 @ 11:18 pm
LOL! This is awesome. By the way, we don’t have a range hood either (and haven’t for years)!!
December 15, 2016 @ 12:03 am
I am 82 years old, and have been cooking for 60 of these years. I never had a hood over my stove until 20 years ago….do I notice a difference? NO. I forget to use it and when I do I really am annoyed by the sound of the vent. You didn’t mention the noise the vent makes. Even an expensive one still “hums”> Good luck with this decision. Your home is beautiful and whatever you decide will be perfect. Merry Christmas
December 15, 2016 @ 12:05 am
Darling VE,
range hoods are a huge deal here in Australia. I had nowhere to vent mine so employed an apartment style one that uses charcoal filters. Well, the filters were never provided. I have used it occasionally – often, I forget or it’s too loud for the family. Damnation to open plan living.
I have discovered that I hate having people IN my kitchen. Now, you have opened my eyes to how much I hate the culturally mandatory roaring beast I installed. It’s days are numbered.
Be brave, go bare I say or fill the space with whatever fixtures you choose!
The only thing I wouldn’t put behind a cook top is a mirror. I inherited a kitchen layout with the cook top under a window and it was constantly grimy.
As for a freezer – in my country/climate I cannot go without.
December 15, 2016 @ 12:15 am
Do whatever the hell you want! Are the nay-sayers going to be invited over for pork chops? I think not! Hoods be damned!
December 15, 2016 @ 1:14 am
Thank you thank you! I hate vent hoods and I especially hate mine. I thought it was some sort of law that you must have a vent hood!! I can’t wait to rip mine out. Now that I think about it, I don’t remember my mother or grandmother ever having one. They just magically appeared all of a sudden.
December 15, 2016 @ 1:15 am
Victoria,
Unless your mother in law is driving 800 miles to cook her son some pork chitterlings for Christmas, live without a range hood. If your reality is my reality, forget the range hood also because it isn’t going to solve the problem created by the pungently offensive odor of chitterlings. Instead call my friends at BigAssFans.com and have them hook you up with a few of their GFTs. Also, arrange to have your brother invite you to his house for Christmas and New Year’s because that aroma isn’t going anywhere until the professional cleaning crew has cleaned your upholstery with every great smelling cleaning product known to mankind. And even then…
Ladies,
First, those of you offended by the delicious aroma of bacon have never smelled the repugnant odor of chitterlings. For clarity, imagine the worst dirty diaper you ever smelled stewing in a pot on your stove for hours on end. Second, bacon grease doesn’t spatter if bacon if cooked in the oven. However, better still, Costco sells giant fancy packages of Hormel bacon which is table ready after 45 seconds in the microwave. I’d rather spend a few extra dollars on precooked bacon than spending 2 hours cleaning grease off anything. Remarkably, Costco also sells giant bottles of Febreze which I’ll need in abundance.
Happy Holidays to all!
December 15, 2016 @ 1:35 am
When we first moved into our home, there was no vent hood. It was an older bungalow that had windows over the stove. We added one when we remodeled the kitchen. It’s fairly unobtrusive – high enough that it’s not in my way (I’m 5’10”) and cladded to blend in with the cabinets. I think they even have ones that are installed on the ceiling now.
It’s actually super handy at the moment. Without it, I set off the smoke alarm every time I use my stupid toaster. So yes, there’s the smoke, steam, and odor thing. But I would think they’re also important because they remove the chemicals produced by combustion (probably more important for gas stoves) and cooking. I assume that’s why they’re required by code in many places.
We also had one in our kitchen when we were in Germany (a beautifully renovated old building). Given, Germans are pretty serious about indoor air quality. Our rental agreement even stipulated that we had to open the windows for a specified amount of time every day to promote air circulation. Hard core.
At the end of the day, it’s your call.
December 15, 2016 @ 2:33 am
OK did Downton Abbey have a vent hood, no, so there is your answer!
December 15, 2016 @ 2:46 am
Every day i complained about the big ugly microwave that was over our range in my face. The venting system in this horrible kitchen thing sounded like an airplane. The ONLY reason we installed a venting system during the remodel was because it was required by our city code. I was forced into it. My tricky talented very handy version of Paul, my husband, installed the fan and everything up in the attic with a muffler or something to keep noise level down. The only thing that shows is a louvered grate up in the soffit, far away out of my face. I must admit i do use this because it is quiet. also, i am sleeping in the dining room and food smells are not welcome. (it’s a long story about evil third hand cigarette smoke and breast cancer).
December 15, 2016 @ 4:23 am
Do whatever suits you. If you’ve lived without one for this long, your house doesn’t stink and there isn’t a layer of grease on everything–or if there is you don’t mind cleaning it, then don’t get one. ā¤ļø
December 15, 2016 @ 5:47 am
Even with an extractor hood our white-painted open beamed ceilings have still developed quite a coating of grease. Getting ready to redo our kitchen and will be getting another fan as there is already a hole in the ceiling. I love what you are doing, and wish I had a more inspiring home!
December 15, 2016 @ 5:57 am
Victoria, these comments are so fun….but we all know you will install a GF(non-venting)T above your stove, and this is why we love you.
December 15, 2016 @ 9:13 am
Don’t do it! I have a very powerful Thermador cooktop in my island with a very powerful pop up vent – which I NEVER use! In fact, I am 61 years young, have lived in several homes, and I can honestly say I NEVER used the hoods. We are now just two people at home, so I am not cooking for an army, therefore, my stovetop cooking is very quick, unless I am simmering something, which doesn’t require the obnoxious vent to be turned on. We mostly eat baked, roasted or grilled, so for me, the vent is a complete waste of space and money. Follow your heart, or the yellow brick road, whichever suits your fancy, you will find your answer.