The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga…
After spending four hours in an unheated building.
After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick.
After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnightā¦
Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while.
He said I had reached my quota.
I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions.
Then I went and looked on Craigslist.
Now.
Three things:
1. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky.
2. a FIFTEEN-foot-tall mirror is far too large for our house.
3. a posting with no photo = guaranteed garbage.
So I closed the tab.
But a few weeks later, I saw it againā¦ and the primordial-mirror-troll who lives in my head saidā you should find out what that is.
And I was likeā look, mirror-troll:
A. Paulās head will explode.
B. How would I get a 15 FOOT mirror into the house?
And the mirror-troll saidā what if itās fancy?
So I emailed the guy.
Did you read that?
Did you read it closely?
Is there any description that could possibly be more appealing, than something that looks like a KINGDOM?
No.
There is not.
So the mirror-troll was likeā S.C.O.R.E.
But I was likeā ummm hello, twelve-feet is still WAY TOO BIG.
The mirror-troll saidā I bet itās not that big.
I bet they didnāt even measure it.
I BET YOU SHOULD GET IT.
I was likeā word.
So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casuallyā do you want to go look at something?
I think his hair actually stood on end.
He was likeā WHAT?
No.Ā No, I do not.
I was likeā oh, okay, wellā¦ we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to.
You know what he said?
Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
That silence USED to make me insane.Ā But now I see it as a stage in the KĆ¼bler-Ross model of acceptance.
Not even twenty minutes later, he saidā what is this thing you want to see?
To you, this sounds like a question.Ā To me, it sounds like defeat.
So.
You can see that this is not precisely the kingdom’s home I had imagined; and I was sort of like, hmmmm… is it possible the mirror-troll has steered me wrong?
We rang the bell, and the guy came out…Ā He walked past us, down the front steps, and started down the sidewalk.
Paul saidāshould we follow you? Where are we going?
And the guy saidā itās in the alley, under a tarpā¦ it doesnāt fit in the house.
I really wish I had a photo of the look on Paul’s face.
Paul saidā wait. What?Ā How big is this?
The guy saidāabout 12 feet.
Paul saidāTWELVE feet?
We got to the backyard and I said cheerfullyā look! Thatās NOT twelve feet tall!
Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance.
He saidā did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall?
And I saidā no.
It was advertised as 15 feet tall.
But I thought they might be wrong.
I guess Paul is jealous of the way the universe is my personal shopper because he didnāt even acknowledge that itās pretty amazing how I psychically knew this.
AND THEN:
I was likeā I think Iām going to have a seizure.
The mirror-troll saidā I TOLD YOU SO.
Proving for all time, that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
It’s probably total crap.
But it might be this:
I was likeā alrighty then.Ā YUP. For sure. I will DEFINITELY be needing that.
Letās pack it up.
Paul saidā are you kidding me?Ā Are you evenĀ seeingĀ the same thing I am?
And I was likeā look at me.Ā Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because I’m not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.
Paul has this look that he gets.Ā Where CLEARLY he would like to kill someone.Ā But now he is totally inconvenienced because he CANāT.
Because he has to move a giant mirror.
Obviously, Iām fine with murderous irritationā¦ itās a small price to pay for my everlasting happiness.
Besides, itās not my fault that the universe WANTS ME TO HAVE THESE THINGS.
It is OUTSIDE MY CONTROL.
We went home to get Brianās truckā¦ and on the way, I texted a photo to my mom.
She saidā WOW!Ā I cannot WAIT to see it in your house!
I told Paulā my mom loves it!
Paul said– thatās because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true.Ā And also why I love them.
Whatās that?
Youāre thinking this does not look totally reasonable?
Well, it is.
All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck.Ā And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs.
Then we drove home on I-95, which is 14-lanes wide… and I have to say that there is nothing like transporting a Kingdom, down a freeway, at 60 miles-an-hour, while tractor-trailers blow by you.
You have not experienced the meaning of FUN, until you have done this.
Especially since everyone got to listen to me say 47,984 timesā OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS?
I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Everyone really enjoyed that part.
The guys who helped us get it in the house were likeā what are you going to do with it?
And Iām confused by what that question means.
Iām not going to DO anything with it.
It exists.
Therefore it is mine.
The End.
see the even GIANT-er FANCIER mirror I got at auction!
June 27, 2013 @ 11:00 am
The mirror is so awesome! It’s beyond awesome! I laughed so hard at your post because it sounds like me. My husband just goes along for the ride. I love your blog.
June 27, 2013 @ 11:04 am
Just found your blog today ~ love your stories! What a delight ~ I am definitely showing your blog to my husband ~ {he is my Craigslist “picker upper”} ~ now I can say “see there are other people like me” Lol š
June 27, 2013 @ 12:29 pm
I read this and couldn’t stop laughing. My daughter would totally agree with you. She once spotted a couch someone was throwing out sitting by the curb when she was in the van with my husband. (her step-father) She screamed so loud when she saw it she scared him. He put on the brakes thinking something was wrong. Big mistake!! She was out and ready to move it into his van by herself if need be cause she was leaving without it. She needed that couch! It didn’t matter that it was raining outside or that she was 8 months pregnant at the time either. Wondering could you be related to her on her father’s side of the family perhaps???
June 27, 2013 @ 12:30 pm
I enjoyed reading about your mirror find. I never understood the big deal about mirrors until I saw one in my boss’s house. He owns an auction house in Philly, so I am used to seeing cool stuff in his house, but this mirror fascinated me. It’s a baroque styled mirror with cherubs and it stands almost 7 ft tall. I would love to have something like that!
I live in Philly and I couldn’t help but notice the street signs in your pics. I know exactly where that is…I can’t believe the mirror was still in one piece. Good for you on finding it…I never have that kind of luck on craigslist!
June 27, 2013 @ 1:03 pm
oh… oh my goodness… Ok… fine, I’ll subscribe but only because I have a similar Troll who told me that I must join in…
Fabulous… thank you for making my co-workers worry about me (more) when I was laughing at your post. š
June 27, 2013 @ 1:09 pm
Love, Love, LOVE your Mirror Troll story.
June 27, 2013 @ 1:42 pm
That is *so* awesome! Congrats!!!
June 27, 2013 @ 1:54 pm
Fantastic storyteller.
Fellow CL addict and enthusiast.
Great score. LOVE it.
OK, I have a beautiful Indonesian reclaimed wood cabinet sitting in my garage, because I bought it yesterday and don’t know where to put it. But, put it I will. And everyone will love it. Until then…I’m hoping no one questions what’s under the blanket.
June 27, 2013 @ 2:18 pm
You had me at “like a Kingdom” — how could you NOT get it after that? Great story!
June 27, 2013 @ 2:24 pm
Hopped over from the Pets on Furniture post on desire to inspire. I like… never, click on links in those posts but your caption caught my eye and oh my god am I glad I clicked. I was chuckling the whole way through this, especially at “To you, this sounds like a question. To me, it sounds like defeat.” because I know EXACTLY what you’re talking about. That mirror is freakin’ killer.
June 27, 2013 @ 2:28 pm
LOVE your mirror, and I feel so close to you in the “insanity” of that moment! So much something I have done, will continue to do, and wish i had my camera on me when I get DH somewhere like this! Amazing find, love your words and I believe, just cause I’m me and have to say it, that the top is a “watchtower” that would be part of “kingdoms” wall! Like the archers could hide behind the turretted parts and shoot arrows at the enemy’s from the notches. It also fits so much into your space/home! Cooooooool!
June 27, 2013 @ 2:54 pm
I love your style, and had so much fun reading this post! Congratulations on such a great find! This part was my favorite:
“And I’m confused by what that question means. I’m not going to DO anything with it. It exists. Therefore, it is mine. The end.” Haha!
June 27, 2013 @ 3:07 pm
Love it…love it …love it….justified my existence! Shared with my husband…who has his own “stuff” demons.
June 27, 2013 @ 3:10 pm
Great story, great score!!! You rock!
June 27, 2013 @ 3:34 pm
I HAVE NEVER HEARD A STORY LIKE THIS BEFORE. it is grand and it is like a was a kid again and asked to please tell the mirror story again. CONGRATULATIONS!!! more power to us junkers.
June 27, 2013 @ 3:46 pm
Holy cow, that was the funniest thing I’ve read in a looonng time. The BEST part is that you got the gorgeous mirror AND it fits in your house. I look forward to reading much more.
Peace out,
Donna
June 27, 2013 @ 3:50 pm
Love Love Love this!!!!! If you change out your mirror for a Christmas Tree my hsb could relate…I always find the biggest one (and our ceilings are 12 ft)
June 27, 2013 @ 4:14 pm
OMG, OMG!!!! Amazing (and funny) story. Lucky YOU!!
June 27, 2013 @ 4:14 pm
I just subscribed to get your posts via email. Loved this. It was funny and well written and I feel like a soul-troll-mate. Great stuff. Craigslist here I come!
June 27, 2013 @ 4:15 pm
Love love love!