Do I really need a range hood?
SEE OUR FINISHED KITCHEN HERE!
I need to tell you my deepest darkest kitchen secret:
I do not like a range hood.
I hate them all.
I particularly detest the massive monument-to-wasted-space that has become a bizarre status symbol; like mounting a Range Rover over your stove.
Sure, you can choose one that is low-profile, but that would be in direct opposition to the opportunity to install an oversized jet-engine, directly in the place your face goes while standing at the stove.
Although obviously, (like any sensible person) I would trade a good portion of my soul for this kitchen.
Those sentences above areĀ the beginning of a post I started months agoā¦ Back when I thought I could withstand the scorn of the internet if I chose to not waste money and space onĀ an appliance that I will never use.
However.
I have since begun to fear the wrath of the Appropriate-Cooking-Evaluators: a band of angry militants who patrol the internet for violations which offend them personally; and who believe that forgoing a direct-vented range hood is akin to voluntarily injecting yourself with Ebola virusā unbelievably stupid.
Like this kitchen below– so terrible! Let’s take a moment to reflect on how badly we feel for these people that their kitchen is so subpar!
Iām practically BLIND FROM HOW HORRIBLE THIS IS.
So whyĀ would I considerĀ an about-face from hood-denier to herd-animal; when my preferred response to scorn and judgment is always to dig in my heels and run forward towards the executioner?
I guess the internet has broken me.
Specifically, a particular element to the internet that pervades every single topic that people can possibly form an opinion about: the mindset that there is ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY to do something that has zero impact on anyone else’s life.
The ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY people believe ONE THING, and then that is ALL THEY BELIEVE and they make it their lifeās work to make sure anyone not doing THE WAY is immediately disqualified from life, clapped in irons, and dragged to the town square to be flogged for idiocy.
Which, upon reflection, is the source of all human conflict through history: your own opinions are fine, but other peopleās are moronic and intolerable and deserving of the flaming cannonballs with chains.
Unless they happen to agree with you, in which case they are well-informed.
The ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY peopleās initial input is well-meaning! (If bordering on didactic and unhinged.)
But if you fail to PROPERLY HEED THEIR WARNING AND APPRECIATE THEIR WISDOMā¦they become enraged.
WHY! Why would someone WHO HAS BEEN WARNED!! Fail to instal a direct-vent range hood???
Look at THESE IDIOTS! Living without a range hood!
Imbeciles!
Ā
I am thinking specifically of a kitchen-chatboard thread, where a woman explained that it was IMPOSSIBLE to direct-vent her range hood. And she wondered if (seeing as how she couldnāt direct vent,) could she just skip the questionably-effective-substitute-which-is-essentially-just-a-fan and install a light fixture she had fallen in love with.
It was the light fixture of her dreams! A design element that would bring her peace and joy and goodwill towards all! A lamp that would improve her very existence on earth and she could die happy because SHE HAD THE BEST LAMP.
The responses variedā¦ but there were an ALARMING number of respondents who were EXTREMELY BOTHERED by the fact that this woman was not gutting her kitchen to the studs and reconfiguring everything towards the goal of direct-venting the range hoodā¦ and she should probably just go out and rent a bulldozer THAT VERY NIGHT and knock it all down to the ground while flagellating herself for having considered any other option.
Ā
They basically went on to suggest that she was a filthy, squalor-dwelling subhuman moron.
And as I read on and on and onā¦ I have to tell you that I was AMAZED at the PASSION total strangers were bringing to disparaging this woman and her lamp… I mean, who has time for lengthy screeds decrying other people’s DESIGN CHOICES?
And then I was EVEN MORE AMAZED at how these people do not realize that they look like flaming lunatics.
My FAVORITE response was from a woman who wrote:
This one time, we didnāt have a range hood, and we had to THROW AWAY ALL OF OUR BELONGINGS INCLUDING THE FURNITURE after one monthĀ BECAUSE THEY SMELLED SO FOUL AND HORRIBLEĀ from non-vented cooking odors.
I donāt know about youā¦ but that does NOT sell me on a ventā¦ it DOES, however, make me wonder WHAT THIS WOMAN IS MAKING FOR DINNER.
Anyway. All of this is to explain that I do not want a range hood.
But that I am thinking about it anyway.
Because of the internet.
And I am mad about it.
The way Iāve decided to deal with this irritating anxiety that MY kitchen in MY house designed to MY preferences might draw the ire of some random stranger on the internet is to turn it over to you.
Here’s what you need to know: our township construction code does not require one. I will not have an eight-burner stove outgassing 67 billion btu’s/therms/whatever other specs.
Ok! GO FOR IT!
This is your chance!
I WASH MY HANDS.
And if you fail to draw me out from the cave and convince me of the shadows on the wall, then you must return to your war room and inform the other ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY-ers that your method is flawed.
Please make a good argument! Definitely do not include information like this: you NEED a hood!
Because: SURPRISE! I do not!
I can prove that to you because we HAD a hood! It was direct-vented!
And I NEVER USED IT.
I never used it SO MUCH that I had Paul take it out.
Every single night I was likeā WHY IS THIS THING RIGHT IN MY FACE?
Until eventually I was like– Plague of nonsense, BE GONE!
p.s.ā save some outrage for the post where I explain how Iām thinking of not having a freezer.
xoxo,
VEB, squalor-dwelling subhuman moron, esq.
December 14, 2016 @ 6:06 pm
Dana from Vegas. I had a stove top in a island and didn’t want a range hood to block the view so we had one of those down vents that you push a button and it would rise up when need then down when not in use. No one knew it was there. When we sold our home last month we had to show the new owner where it was. I loved it. ( now you see now you don’t )
December 14, 2016 @ 6:33 pm
I’m not a fan. (yuk yuk yuk my abject apologies for the most odious form of what passes for humor.)
December 14, 2016 @ 6:36 pm
After reading your post I realized after living in this house for almost 6 years that I do NOT have a stove hood. How could I have not noticed this before? If I have a choice in my next home, I will not have one there. I’m with you, Elizabeth.
December 14, 2016 @ 6:47 pm
There shall be no hood. I have never had one in any of the places we have owned. If I scorch the water or something equally smelly, I can (ta-daa!) open the kitchen window a sliver, and all is well.
December 14, 2016 @ 6:47 pm
Do what YOU want to in your kitchen. It’s yours!
December 14, 2016 @ 6:50 pm
What?!! You are passing up the opportunity to find a set of insanely heavy, free pipe organs on craigslist and convert them into the biggest, shiniest hood vent ever? Come on, you can do this!
December 14, 2016 @ 7:00 pm
We have a downdraft vent that doesn’t work well. Possibly because we later hooked up the dryer vent to the same duct (brick walls, don’t ask). So now we get steamy windows whenever we run the basement dryer. Even if you have a downdraft vent, it doesn’t necessarily solve anything so do whatever you really want.
For fifty years before our 1987 remodel, our kitchen just had a non venting fan that just swished the air around. But it should be noted, this is a 1929 Tudor, so each room is separate.
December 14, 2016 @ 7:15 pm
I’m guessing I live about 15 miles from you. However, I will never be a guest in your house, and I’ll never see your kitchen other than through your blog. I’m also not your maid and thus will never have to clean your kitchen. You can very much do whatever you want in your own home. However, you have invited us all into your virtual world, and asked our opinion. Here’s mine. Get the hood. I don’t have one. If I were to invite you to my house (which I’m not), you’d see a fine layer of sticky grime over everything with a fuzzy layer of dust clinging to it. When I cook anything on the stove top, or in the stove, an invisible cloud of steam full of ultra-fine particles of oil and food are bathing every surface in my tiny kitchen above stove level. I wait for blue moons to appear, then crawl up on top of the counters and wipe things down with rubbing alcohol to clean the grime off. It’s annoyingly hard to clean this oily mess off. I may have missed the last blue moon, or two. (It’s been a bad year.) I wish I had a range hood. Do what you want. I don’t care. It’s your house. (But don’t say I didn’t warn you, and rubbing alcohol really works.) I also don’t know what having a jet engine over the stove is like, so maybe my opinion is ill-informed.
December 14, 2016 @ 7:19 pm
If you don’t want one, and already know you don’t turn it on when you have one, don’t put one in. I can’t possibly think of a better argument on why you shouldn’t!
I have a white kitchen and it sparkles and shines. We eat well. Gotta admit, we don’t fry (which is where, I guess, all the “greasy film” folks talk about comes from)…ugh, if it makes a greasy film in my kitchen, I don’t want it in me!
December 14, 2016 @ 7:38 pm
I have had a big giant range hood and I’ve lived without one. I know the evils of both. The grease on the wall the steam collecting on the wall and drying in yellow drip marks were really gross. But when I had a giant jennaire hood vent, a queen bee decided to camp out in it’s vent and we ended up with a giant infestation!! Which is really hard to get rid of. I happen to be allergic to bees!! Not fun! I currently live in a rental, and the range hood just sucks the air into the cabinet above it. Which is completely useless and stupid. I cook all the time. I fry things and I boil things a lot. I need a functional vented range hood. You however can do whatever you want –it’s your kitchen!!!
December 14, 2016 @ 7:39 pm
I have no hood. I have no problems. I do not cook greasy nasty smelling food. If something burns, I open a window for a bit.
I guess I do have a problem. Just one. it’s those bossy people.
December 14, 2016 @ 7:45 pm
You don’t need one.. I hate them. I have 2 stoves. One has a skylight above it. The other is on an island- no hood, no problem. If I feel like it, I open the windows -rarely necessary. Follow your instinct.
December 14, 2016 @ 7:46 pm
Fugeddaboudit. No hood needed! We don’t have one in our new to us (old) farmhouse kitchen…. and… shockingly, I can bend over the stove and NOT hit my head on the dumb thing (used to have one – so incredibly annoying – never used it). We cook A LOT. Yes, indeed, I wonder what the one Internet commenter was cooking?
December 14, 2016 @ 7:52 pm
I have a Thermidorian glass cooktop. It has a downdraft that rises up at the touch of a button and with the same button returns to flush with the cooktop when not in use. I love it. It is modern and cool. It might be a good compromise for you. If you ever decide to sell your house it might be nice to have some sort of exhaust system. I can’t really imagine cooking things like bacon or collards without one–but you do you.
December 14, 2016 @ 7:55 pm
Thermidorian—ahh…autocorrect. Thermador. Love it!
December 14, 2016 @ 7:58 pm
…. all I can say is the hood my husband insisted on will literally suck my hair up into it if I stick my head under it. I only use it when he’s home and reminds me to, otherwise I prefer to live in sin. Stand your ground.
December 14, 2016 @ 8:11 pm
https://youtu.be/lCFyJIDGztA
That’s what I say.
December 14, 2016 @ 8:21 pm
I only have one word to say to you -BRAVO! We do have a little hood. It came with the house. I’ve never used it. I do use the light on it occasionally, and my house, clothes, furniture, etc smell just fine. I feel the same way you do about these pretentious hoods. Yikes, too much. I also have issues with marble herringbone tile and all white kitchens. But that’s another story.
December 14, 2016 @ 8:35 pm
Oh good lord, woman! If you don’t want a range hood, don’t get a range hood! If other people don’t like it (including internet trolls) they can do something unprintable and anatomically impossible with themselves. It’s your kitchen. If you don’t have a range hood, will you have more cooking “smells” throughout your kitchen and your house? Probably. Who cares?! I like the smell of bacon and pot roast and chili cooking on the stove. Beats the heck out of those vile room deodorizers that range hood Nazis no doubt spread everywhere in their domicile. Will you have to clean your kitchen a bit more often? Not necessarily. I have a direct vent range hood, and I still have to clean greasy dust off things on open shelving next to the stove, so having a vented range hood hasn’t saved me any work. Bottom line: It’s your kitchen. Make yourself happy and give anyone who gives you a bad time about it the Welsh longbowman’s salute!
December 14, 2016 @ 8:47 pm
I lived, perfectly happily, without a range hood for the last 20 years of my life. I cook all the time, I entertain a lot but never had a problem not having a hood! That said, I did a major remodel of my kitchen last year and I did add a hood. I have to say my main reason for wanting a hood was to have the light, so I think I should’ve thought of just having a light over the stove instead of the whole hood thing. My hood is pretty small and unobtrusive, made of glass, I use the light often but I think I’ve only use the fan twice in the entire year that I’ve had it.
All that said, I totally get where you’re coming from because I refused to have any backsplash in my new kitchen! I do have a little bit of the backsplash right behind the sink, but other than that no backsplash – nothing – my counter just goes up to the wall and is flat against the wall I do not have that 4 inches that goes up along the wall that a lot of people have – I do not have any backsplash at all. The lack of a backsplash behind my stove makes a lot of people crazy, but it works for me. My house is small my kitchen is really part of my living room and dining room – all open space and I just felt like I wanted the kitchen to feel less kitchen-y and more like part of the rest of my house. And it does. I always figure that if I do is get some grease or splash on the paint behind my stove I can just get this wipe it off with the sponge! In the long run I could also just repaint the area behind my stove. I’ve been living like this for year, cook every night, and occasionally I wipe down the wall behind the stove but other than that no maintenance no problem. My contractor had a major problem with this, and argued with me till the very end. I think this is part of the whole kitchen-industrial ā complex. (My travels have let me see that most homes in Europe don’t have backsplashs like we do). I think it’s just another way that American contractors have invented for us to spend money. My contractor and some friends had a hard time with my decision but when all was said and done they all agreed that it looks great and fits my home. I am absolutely sure you will be perfectly happy with a hoodless kitchen! Rebel against the system and go for it!
December 14, 2016 @ 9:06 pm
“Unless they happen to agree with you, in which case they are well-informed.” Best line ever. I love my range hood’s ability to pull cooking smells, smoke etc up and out of the house. I cook too much garlic, onions and in general spicy food, not to have one. My superpower is my sense of smell, not always a boon.