I bet you thought I was kidding about DIY-mining my own marble countertops.
Paul was away for work early in spring. This doesn’t happen very often, but when it does I worry about two things:
1. previously-discussed proliferation of ax murderers outside the house.
2. that something really good will show up on Craigslist and my retrieval team will be unavailable.
Which is exactly what happened.
And it turns out that sometimes it is better if your retrieval team is not available. Because sometimes the retrieval team gets confused and thinks that their role is actually the roadblock-to-happiness team.
I called Paul and said – GOOD NEWS! Marble! Giant fancy edge! The guy will put it in the car for me! I’m going this afternoon!
Paul said – have you actually thought this through?
I said – nope. BUT YOU ARE NOT HERE TO STOP ME.
The marble originally lined a foyer; sort of like wainscoting in a small vestibule. The guy had three sections, each one is 2’ x 4’.
What am I going to do with it? I don’t know.
Why are you on Paul’s team?
When I got there, it was EVEN BETTER than I expected. EXCEPT for the 50,000 ways it is going to be impossible to work with.
When I saw the marble, half of me was like – awesome.
The other half was like – Paul is not going to be too happy with this.
First, the slabs are slightly different thicknesses. And the back of it sort of resembles the surface of the moon– unfinished.
Second, the edge that would be out-facing/flush with (my special, imaginary non-cabinet) cabinetry is rough. REALLY rough.
Now. Normally my part of the acquisition would be finished… but because Paul was away, I was tasked with the get-this-out-of-the-car finale.
I had planned to ask one of my neighbors to help me. And Paul made me promise that I would not drive ANYWHERE until it was unloaded.
Paul has this weird thing about safety. And also about not leaving loose ends lying about. How we ended up together is a total mystery considering that my entire personality consists only of loose ends… you cannot even get near me without tripping.
Plus, do you know what I’m really good at? Doing only part of a project: the fun part.
I am SO great at the enthusiasm part— the part where you will move heaven and earth to ACQUIRE GIANT FANCY THINGS. But after that, I am tired.
So after I got it, I just left the marble in the car.
I never asked the neighbor. I kept putting it off. And forgetting. And forgetting. And forgetting. Until I’d go to get in the car and be like– oh, right… this marble is STILL HERE.
So it was no surprise that I ended up with a pile of stone still in the car the same afternoon Paul was supposed to come home.
I cannot overstate how incredulous he will be to realize that I drove around for a week with roughly 600 pounds of unsecured marble in the car.
Whenever I go to pick something up without him, he tells me 50 times – don’t forget to tie it down. If you get in an accident, you do not want to be speared in the back of the head with vintage patio furniture/plant stands/the hand truck… USE THE STRAPS. Safety first. Boy Scout code of conduct. Blah, blah, blah.
For whatever reason, it does not motivate me to actually take steps to prevent being bashed in the head. I just drive around IMAGINING my head bashed in.
Why I choose to go around, mentally dissecting worst-case scenarios, rather than taking the 10 minutes to avoid them in the first place, I cannot say.
Anyway. Paul was coming home, I had three giant slabs of marble violating the car-safety-code-of-conduct, and not one of my neighbors was home. So I decided to do it myself.
I was pretty sure my chances of breaking one, (or all) were high. Marble is notoriously fragile during transport. But it tells you something about Paul’s ongoing frustration with my inability to complete tasks that I found it more appealing to possibly trash my find than incur an interrogation.
So, I figured I would video it… When you are an blogger, this is how you spend your Sunday: videoing yourself wrestling a 200 pound rectangle.
Was that the most interesting thing you have ever seen? No… Was it slightly more interesting than whatever you are supposed to be doing at work right now? Probably.
June 11, 2014 @ 10:45 am
Only YOU would find marble in this fashion! So will you use the rough side up just to be different? :o) Seriously……are you thinking counters…..take it somewhere to have it cut evenly…..or can Paul do that with his skill saw?! I love your fearlessness when it comes to having a vision for something…..plus I love your humor. Gotta love Paul who must love you for all the challenges you bring to his life! Tell Paul you could just as easily be hit with a can of baked beans on your way home from a grocery shopping trip (happened to my sister)….somehow bungee cording down all the groceries seems a tad over the top!
June 11, 2014 @ 10:46 am
You go Girl! Love it that you figured it out yourself! Looks like some of the predicaments I get myself into, only I don’t have anyone to stop me. My sister afterwards will say “what were you thinking?” And then I need her husband to help bail me out. But the journey is always fun.
June 11, 2014 @ 10:51 am
That is me!!! Except a whole lot skinnier… like when I was four. Anyway, I now know it was totally unnecessary for me to unload and move an entire bedroom suit (Found on Craigslist, and stood in front of the seller’s house fencing off other potential buyers with a Samurai sword until they finally opened the door) into the house all by myself – I needed a hand truck! Next item I will be looking for at yard sales; that is, until I convince a team of Navy SEALs to remain on stand-by for my next moving project. Many of them aren’t any bigger than you are, but man! they’re strong!
June 11, 2014 @ 10:52 am
As someone who moves a lot of things I shouldn’t when my husband isn’t home, I loved this video! You looked very elegant moving that giant thing, I love the dancer leg in arabesque!
I’m thinking of ideas for that marble in case it doesn’t work for your kitchen … what about your future large beautiful greenhouse as countertops? The level-ness wouldn’t matter as much.
June 11, 2014 @ 10:59 am
Victoria…..you slay me. I can no longer have such adventures. Smaller house, too much stufff already. This will be my last stop unless, God forbid, I have to move to the nursing home. Oh, I pray not. My husband died recently and I want him, as I know he is watching, and watching over, me to be proud of me. Plus, my wonderful talented designer, when I have money to spend, lives directly across the street. I can’t sneak anything in. He has always tried to get me to focus, use my resources wisely. Focus has never been my best thing. Going on tangents is my best thing. At least I can live vicariously through you.
June 11, 2014 @ 11:12 am
Your blog is one of my favorites. You make me LOL for real! Please don’t stop!
June 11, 2014 @ 11:17 am
Really? I thought my husband was the only one who wanted everything tied down so it wouldn’t be thrown hurling into my head in the front of the car. Where DO they get that type of husband training? You did exactly as I would have done (and have done with a large solid hard wood secretary desk…) Can’t wait to see what you end up doing with those slabs. I laid the remnant pieces of granite countertop in the garden for “mulch” here and there. Hey, at last, something that keeps the weeds down!
Garden, Home and Party
June 11, 2014 @ 11:22 am
I loved the video, especially the music. I’m very impressed you were able to move those slabs by yourself. You’re getting closer to having to get started on your kitchen, if for no other reason than you may be running out of storage space. What a great find, congratulations. Paul must have been so proud of you.
June 11, 2014 @ 11:24 am
If you’re anything like me I imagine Paul drove up 5 seconds after the last slab was hauled away. Can’t wait to see how it comes out!
June 11, 2014 @ 12:05 pm
Lucky Corinne. MY husband drives up 5 seconds after I START.
June 11, 2014 @ 11:41 am
hey Victoria, I am impressed although I have done a similar thing myself. With a marble slab. Which is up for grabs because after hauling it painfully home I never used it. It would be great for your kitchen if you’d like it. I live in England. Collect whenever you like. xx
June 11, 2014 @ 11:51 am
This is fabulouso!! My motto (besides, “keep on swimming…”) is “where there’s a will, there’s a way”. It is true! I used to drive a suburban…it was a tank and I could haul ANYTHING home!! When it died, I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised my husband insisted on something smaller. Spoil sport. Can’t wait to see what you do with that lovely marble!!
June 11, 2014 @ 11:59 am
My hubby is big on tie downs in the open truck, but has never said a word about my van(I have packed it till Im just in cased in my seat alone with stuff all around me and drove 6 hours on several occassions) So I would be scattered all over the fwy with all manner of things. But people would say “She died doing what she loved”. My issue and one I discussed with some other gal fancy thing and craigslist shoppers, is we find things and go get them without telling the hubby for fear of his unsupportive fancy attitude. So we get them and hide them in our vans for several days before uttering a word, and then we have to find a way to get them indoors, because many of our hubbys dont even notice a new item(I had a huge clock, taller then hubby sitting behind his seat at the dinner table against the way, he didnt see if for 2 days!)
June 11, 2014 @ 11:59 am
I just need to know….does Paul (or did Paul) ever work for the large chemical company, that starts with a D? Or perhaps he is the offspring of one of those employees. Coming from a similar background myself, this is the thing that is overemphasized in my life too. They all have visions of unsecured objects flying to the front of the vehicle in case of an accident. I just try to avoid the accident.
My Crappy House
June 11, 2014 @ 12:02 pm
No, really. What are you going to do with it?
June 11, 2014 @ 12:03 pm
You’re the best.
June 11, 2014 @ 12:14 pm
How did you know I was watching this video while at work! 🙂 Love your blog!
June 11, 2014 @ 12:24 pm
I have a 2 year old and a 3 year old that loved the music and my commentary of what you were we’re doing.
June 11, 2014 @ 12:39 pm
Hey, I’ll be 70 next year and I’m still doing stuff like this. It’s a wonder I haven’t been decapitated by “unsecured” flying objects by now. Fortunately, and unfortunately, I don’t have a Paul, but I do have a hand truck, bungee cords, rope, and in a pinch, charm. Stumbled on this blog a few weeks ago…love it! Soldier on.
My Crappy House
June 11, 2014 @ 4:26 pm
When I grow up, I want to be just like you!
Cecile W. Morgan
June 11, 2014 @ 1:03 pm
I am so incredibly JEALOUS of what you find up there on Craigslist, or on trash day. And, yes, there are zillions of things you can do with odd marble. A backsplash behind your kitchen sink? Garden table top? (On my Pinterest board, you can see one I used on an upside down Crape Myrtle stump that is wonderful. Search Cecile W. Morgan) In the bathroom behind the sink? Who cares if it looks old? I want it to look old. I buy every piece I find that is reasonably priced, but they are nothing like that! I wish we had trash days and Craigslist finds like that in Alabama.
I always love your posts. I totally understand and I also have a patient and handy husband who enables me in crazy situations.
June 11, 2014 @ 5:25 pm
I’m in Alabama, too. Good Craigslist finds are few and far between. Mostly just another advertising venue for pricey antique shops.
June 11, 2014 @ 1:08 pm
you were so wrong. that was *way* more interesting than the work I ignored in order to watch it. my clients may have a slightly different viewpoint. bonus: Paul has to give you mad props for wearing gloves for the slab retrieval mission. can’t wait to see what you do with these beauties!