An auction tragedy – a tale of woe and antique garden urns.
The sensation of having adrenaline injected directly into your brain, in the form of the thought:
I AM GOING TO WIN.
Is how people end up broken and destitute.
I know this FOR SURE, because I bid these urns up to nearly $1,200.
BECAUSE THEY WERE MINE.
(Although, it turns out they are not.)
When I left for the auction, I told Paul that my top price was $400-ish for the pair. In reality, it was closer to $500-ish… and in extra reality, some part of myself believed that budget was irrelevant because the urns already cosmically belonged to me and it was just a matter of waiting around to collect them.
After I had been at the auction for an hour, I raised my mental bid-bar to $600… ish.
Just to be safe.
But also because myself pointed out to me that if I thought of the price on a per-urn basis, magically, they were half as expensive!
Self said— $300 per urn is ALMOST the same as $250! Just with slightly more gravitas! You could even go to $350 and still be in the ballpark!
Self also decided to ignore the 18% buyer’s fee and 6% sales tax in favor of convenience and not having to do math.
The bidding began at $100.
Cue music: Eye of the Tiger.
Things moved quickly… According to plan, the other bidders in the room dropped out around $500. But there was a problem– there was a phone bidder who apparently did not get the memo about how I was going to buy these urns for NO MORE THAN $600.
Somewhere around $700, I lost consciousness.
I began bidding in a fugue state… A blackout I can only attribute to my psyche having decided that without the urns, life was not worth living.
As I inched higher and higher— locked into mortal combat with the unknown assailant on the phone… we entered the $900’s and I had the thought – I am doing a BAD thing!
I looked around to see if anyone was coming to arrest me.
But they weren’t.
Self instructed me– GO. MORE. FASTER. MINE.
At NINE HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS, I tried to do some quick math to figure out exactly what I was spending.
$950 + 18% buyers fee = $1,121
$1,121 + 6% sales tax = $1,188.26
The above equation is done with a calculator. Sitting at the actual auction, it was more like this: WAY MORE money than I planned to spend + ANY MORE amount of money = HUGE AMOUNT OF MONEY.
Up until nearly $1,200:
I was CERTAIN I was about to win.
I was CERTAIN that the urns were MINE.
I was CERTAIN that Unknown Assailant was just about to cave.
But at some point I had to consider that my certainty was unfounded… Because actually, Unknown Assailant seemed perfectly willing to continue ad infinitum… I really have no idea WHAT I would have needed to pay to win these.
Self said – this is not about money! It is about destiny! If we do not win, the rest of life will be a slow, meaningless plod through an urn-less wasteland.
Who wants that?
Teaching me two important auction-truths and illustrating the fundamental unfairness of life:
- sometimes your own destiny walks off, hand-in-hand with someone else, while you sit on the pavement and sob.
- just because you are too poor, does not mean that the other bidder is also too poor… in fact, they may have ALL THE MONEY IN THE WORLD TO SPEND ON URNS THAT COSMICALLY DO NOT BELONG TO THEM and your experience is not even relevant to the situation because you are just someone who has lost control of their senses and must scurry backwards.
Then you wonder:
Why must I be the scurrier?
Why?
I have some fairly deep-seated childhood issues surrounding that question and I am pretty sure that the urns would have resolved them for me… it is unfortunate that now I will be forced to continue, unabated, my deeply flawed existence.
see the antique urn we restored
January 20, 2015 @ 1:25 pm
Maybe, just maybe it was Paul on the other end of the phone…wanting to surprise you for Valentine’s Day…but somehow I doubt it. Maybe it was a test… Perhaps the universal has other plans for you…hopefully involving even bigger, even fancier GFTs!
January 20, 2015 @ 1:35 pm
Once upon a time when I was obsessed with acquiring Royal Copenhagen’s Blue Lace dinnerware, I entered an online bid on a LIVE auction—before reading the fine print that I would be responsible for locating a shipping provider. I paid for the auction ($99 + 20% buyer’s premium) then learned that a professional shipper would charge as much as the winning bid just to pack & ship 2 dinner plates. After the auction house stored them in inventory for a few months, they resold them & issued a check for the winning bid – their fee. I was out a few dollars, but still came out OK. I tell you this because there’s always a chance that the phone bidder doesn’t follow through with contacting a shipper, or learns that the fee just for professional packing might be prohibitive–+ the cost of shipping, which might cause the buyer to reneige, even if he/she has already paid the auction house. If so, the urns might come up for sale again. You could always contact the auctioneer to ask the status of the urns, & if they haven’t been picked up by the buyer or an arranged shipper, to let you know if they will be reauctioned someday soon. Not to get your hopes up though, just so you won’t miss a 2nd chance should the winning bidder have second thoughts! (That being said, I have also arranged for professional packing & shipping of items I’ve won that were too far to pick up, through Uship.com.) If all else fails, fantasy always works—pretend the urns were actually too flawed for your purposes. 😀
January 20, 2015 @ 1:55 pm
Perhaps you could cut your pain by half if you had one of them at least? I checked for you and found this:
http://www.ebay.com/itm/Large-Antique-Cast-Iron-Garden-Urn-Planter-on-Pedestal-/321643028490?pt=Architectural_Garden&hash=item4ae36b200a
I think it is very similar to the ones you lost. And there are two days left on the bidding. 🙂 There were others there as well. Turns out urns are very expensive! Like… taking-out-a-second-mortgage expensive. Good luck!
January 20, 2015 @ 2:21 pm
ugh!! THAT guy… he’s had that urn on Craigslist for OVER A YEAR. I’ve emailed him multiple times with what (I think) were decent offers… and he doesn’t respond… Not even to counter offer!!! He is driving me MAD!
I want to scribble out the link you left because it makes me nuts to think I am helping him!!!
January 20, 2015 @ 4:51 pm
I’m so sorry! I’ll have no problem if you delete my original comment. I sincerely just wanted to help. 🙁
January 20, 2015 @ 5:38 pm
I’m so sorry I came off jerk-y to YOU! I unloaded my frustration with WANTING THAT URN. (And not being able to get him to JUST ANSWER ME.) Without considering that you had no idea he is my nemesis. I am sorry!!
PLEASE FORGIVE ME???
January 21, 2015 @ 12:59 am
You didn’t! Come off jerky, I mean. I adore you. 🙂
January 20, 2015 @ 2:38 pm
But another way of looking at it is…you saved yourself $1,200 so you can easily justify spending that amount on something else!
January 20, 2015 @ 3:32 pm
There is always another urn for cheaper someplace. I always wonder, because I’m a non-trusting sort of person, if the other bidder is someone from the auction house who is purposely outbidding you to jack up the price.
January 20, 2015 @ 3:46 pm
I hate it when people don’t get the cosmic memo!
January 20, 2015 @ 3:55 pm
Believe me, you weren’t meant to have them. Regrets or “missing out” ( so I thought) turns into “glad I didn’t get them”. They’re probably not worth more than $350 each. You were lucky.
That’s the reason I stay away from auctions. I get caught up in the competition where I have to win..
More, much more out there…
January 20, 2015 @ 3:57 pm
And that is why people sell things via auction – buyers get competitive and you can get way more than if you just put a price on it for the first person to say “ok I’ll pay that”
January 20, 2015 @ 4:05 pm
Clearly these urns weren’t meant to be. Why? Because, someday, better ones will show up on Craigslist. Possibly in the “free” category. If I spot them, I will email you. I promise I won’t take them first. 🙂
January 20, 2015 @ 4:05 pm
You made the seller’s day!!
January 20, 2015 @ 4:49 pm
Precisely why I avoid auctions! I’m unable to walk away with grace. Loved the video…
January 20, 2015 @ 5:06 pm
Wow. I learned today I better stay the heck away from auctions. Because I identify with this very very much. Right down to the math equations in words not figures. And I don’t want to be the one to scurry backwards either. Are you an Aries? Because this sounds like Aries behavior!
January 20, 2015 @ 5:33 pm
I am! I am! I may be EXTRA Aries.
January 20, 2015 @ 6:33 pm
I KNEW it! 🙂 I’m an Aries too, that’s probably why I totally get this!
January 20, 2015 @ 7:41 pm
So THAT’S
January 20, 2015 @ 5:13 pm
2 things-er- 3 things
most important does everybody flock to your side at gatherings? Cause you are brilliantly witty! Next I have discovered that if I want something ,and I’m about to hit buy, I envision the most expensive thing I an wanting-right now 10 or 20 thousands dollars to fix our tiny yard that looks like a bad neighborhood in Calcutta, minus the dead dogs- and I insert that amount into getting the pricey thing sooner and my mad gimmie brain gerbil wanders off for a nap. Third and I’m going to shut up soon( in case you’ve nodded off) have you looked at the Merco web site? She is hilarious and does sales for Chicago Mansions that are being gutted or plowed under for bigger?huh? better Chicago Mansions. She has had Urns a number of times and some have been huge!
January 20, 2015 @ 5:14 pm
I love your tenacity and love of life! My bff and I need to run with you. Lol
Blessings~
January 20, 2015 @ 5:15 pm
I feel for you but there are so many gorgeous repro fake iron urns being sold on Ali Baba, that a tiny dab of paint and distressing would make lovely. You just need to order a 20 foot container load and the price is like pennies ….
January 20, 2015 @ 5:25 pm
http://www.murco.net/ I knew I was misspelling the web site
January 20, 2015 @ 6:15 pm
The entire time I was thinking, “Oh god, Paul.” Poor, poor Paul.
January 20, 2015 @ 6:19 pm
HAAAHAHAHAH!…WHAAAAHAHAHA!…(breathe .. tears rolling)..
cheeks still hurt as I type this. Totally relate!! Thank you for the great laugh.
January 20, 2015 @ 7:34 pm
Dear Victoria,
I started going to auctions at the age of 6 with my parents. The first thing I learned is that you set a price in your mind and do not go over that no matter what happens. I have seen two bidders get into a bidding war and end up paying more for a used grill than it cost new because they were bidding against each other and determined to win.
Sometimes it is best to walk away, there is always another day.
Brian
January 20, 2015 @ 7:42 pm
So that’s why I relate to you so well, Victoria–two Aries crazies!