Urns of Enormity… *video*
This post is sponsored by American Express Personal Loans.
Because sometimes you need money.
And by you, I mean I.
And by money, I mean GFT’s*
*Giant Fancy Things
I assume American Express thought I’d write about the possibility of using a Personal Loan for an important home remodel project… say… a kitchen? A place where a homeowner might enjoy something in the vein of… a… not-plywood floor?
But I was like— how do you feel about urn loans?
And they said— sure… if you’re an existing eligible consumer American Express Card Member, you can use a Personal Loan for lots of things.
And I was like— INTERESTING.
Because you know what’s funny?
I FOUND ANOTHER OF THE EXACT SAME URNS.
Do you know what the statistical probability of such a thing is?
Nonexistent.
Fortunately, Self is in total harmony with the universe’s eternal question:
why have one, if one can have all?
So.
Here I am— to tell existing eligible American Express Card Members how their Personal Loans might help you live your life to the fullest.
Obviously, I would not even survive one day of living my life to the fullest, because if you cover your entire body in 5 thousand tons of kittens, probably that will kill you.
But if you just need money for normal house stuff or oddly-proportioned urns-of-enormity… they might be able to help. If you’re an existing eligible consumer American Express Card Member, American Express Personal Loans may be a good place to start.
Now.
Urns.
There was no question of me not buying these.
They SPOKE to me.
The proportions are…
… extra.
Something with the handles is just…
… ridiculous.
The only sensible explanation is that I myself created them in my previous life when I was an iron smelter.
Here is some video from the auction… you can see that contrary to popular belief, I do rein Self in.
I planned to flank the garage… but as I pulled into the driveway, Self noted that placing them on the front porch would make everything else look horribly disproportionate and mismatched and not at all “right.”
And yet.
OBVIOUSLY.
So.
Now everything else is wrong.
Self is pleased.
The end.
SEE ALL MY FAVORITE FINDS
THE LAST TIME I WON AN AUCTION
November 21, 2018 @ 11:16 am
Hello Victoria – have you considered adding a Paypal tip function onto your blog? I’m sure people would be happy to offer what help they can, in return for so generously sharing your adventures and permitting us to sigh over Craigslist-buried treasure. I’m sorry if you’ve already considered this and I’ve missed it.
November 21, 2018 @ 4:21 pm
ditto the paypal button-if I can spend hundreds of dollars on books and kindle reads-some of which are complete duds-I can certainly pay for your talent and your writing- comes with videos and frosting on a cake- dancing & kittens. I watched your wedding video so much I had it memorized- kittens!. Install the button-you need another house to make wonderful. A yummy Thanksgiving to all.
November 21, 2018 @ 7:53 pm
I love the big tall secretary in the auction house video-/I am looking for about a 9 foot one in mahogany
November 22, 2018 @ 7:58 am
What is the name of the song that is playing in the video? My mother used to play that!
November 22, 2018 @ 9:47 am
It’s Liberace, “Nola”… my dad would play his version of “Third Man Theme” and we called it “dad’s song” … many years later I heard it in a movie and was like!!! They stole Dad’s song!!
Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours!
November 24, 2018 @ 1:41 pm
Right in my inbox. I too, now have urn envy. Other envies also! The GFT you have in your neck of the woods!! Swoooon 😉 Admire your “patience” to complete the kitchen exactly as you want (delete want) NEED it to be.
November 24, 2018 @ 4:00 pm
Victoria,
You seem to have a knack for finding amazing (bordering on magical) places to shop for unique things that I do not want to live without. I lack this knack. Do you have any advice on places to find GFTs other than Craig’s list? Where do you find auction houses that allow you to bid by cell phone from the middle of nowhere, or the show house currently featured on this blog that offers large collections of mega-gigantic urns? I would love to discover such a place – preferably one that is located within driving distance of me in Utah. Other than regular antique stores, do you (or your readers) have any tips for finding places to spend more money than we can afford on impractical, yet completely necessary GFTs that will give our husbands new challenges to their visual/spacial/dimensional reasoning skills? (My husband once had to remove a wall in order to get my new master bed up a [ridiculously slender] stairwell…I wish we’d seen your video on the window entrance first! ) Now that I have found a community of like minded individuals, I need to mine your collective brilliance for any assistance you can offer. Where are the best places to shop? Thanks in advance for any ideas.
November 26, 2018 @ 4:32 am
Just love the urns, Victorian Gothic, and i bet really heavy. I’m jealous. Really jealous. Caste iron, black , and heavy. Well done.
December 8, 2018 @ 7:19 am
Only a voracious reader could write like this. The iron smelter piece was gold. Oh. In Canada our Craigslist is called Kijiji. Isn’t that a nice, upbeat sounding name to go bankrupt to?