Urns of Enormity… *video*
This post is sponsored by American Express Personal Loans.
Because sometimes you need money.
And by you, I mean I.
And by money, I mean GFT’s*
*Giant Fancy Things
I assume American Express thought I’d write about the possibility of using a Personal Loan for an important home remodel project… say… a kitchen? A place where a homeowner might enjoy something in the vein of… a… not-plywood floor?
But I was like— how do you feel about urn loans?
And they said— sure… if you’re an existing eligible consumer American Express Card Member, you can use a Personal Loan for lots of things.
And I was like— INTERESTING.
Because you know what’s funny?
I FOUND ANOTHER OF THE EXACT SAME URNS.
Do you know what the statistical probability of such a thing is?
Nonexistent.
Fortunately, Self is in total harmony with the universe’s eternal question:
why have one, if one can have all?
So.
Here I am— to tell existing eligible American Express Card Members how their Personal Loans might help you live your life to the fullest.
Obviously, I would not even survive one day of living my life to the fullest, because if you cover your entire body in 5 thousand tons of kittens, probably that will kill you.
But if you just need money for normal house stuff or oddly-proportioned urns-of-enormity… they might be able to help. If you’re an existing eligible consumer American Express Card Member, American Express Personal Loans may be a good place to start.
Now.
Urns.
There was no question of me not buying these.
They SPOKE to me.
The proportions are…
… extra.
Something with the handles is just…
… ridiculous.
The only sensible explanation is that I myself created them in my previous life when I was an iron smelter.
Here is some video from the auction… you can see that contrary to popular belief, I do rein Self in.
I planned to flank the garage… but as I pulled into the driveway, Self noted that placing them on the front porch would make everything else look horribly disproportionate and mismatched and not at all “right.”
And yet.
OBVIOUSLY.
So.
Now everything else is wrong.
Self is pleased.
The end.
SEE ALL MY FAVORITE FINDS
THE LAST TIME I WON AN AUCTION
November 20, 2018 @ 11:48 am
This should not make perfect sense but it does: “The only sensible explanation is that I myself created them in my previous life when I was an iron smelter.”
Welcome home, urns!
November 20, 2018 @ 12:25 pm
Actually, it does not make sense at all. The correct designation would be an iron founder, not an iron smelter. An iron smelter would be someone who is processing the raw ore to make the iron that would then be melted by the iron founder to pour into a mold and make the urn.
November 21, 2018 @ 7:37 pm
Maybe she was an iron smelter with a dream to one day make urns.
November 20, 2018 @ 11:53 am
Need More about the auction. Waiting……
November 20, 2018 @ 11:58 am
The ending to the video could not be better! Smiling here.
November 20, 2018 @ 12:18 pm
Fabulous find and what a sweet kitten!!
November 20, 2018 @ 12:32 pm
TOTALLY UNDERSTAND! I bought a similar piece at the “Thieves Market” flea market in Mexico City 25 years ago. We took it all apart, packaged it in a big suitcase – jettisoned all our underwear and checked that bad boy in. Still sitting in our garden in Boston!
Love your posts, your style and opinions!
November 20, 2018 @ 12:32 pm
I think each kitten needs their own, so clearly you’ll need a few more.
November 20, 2018 @ 12:49 pm
Need a suggestion on how to have a large cast aluminum fountain repairs, does your cute husband miracle worker extraordinary handyman have a suggestion?
November 20, 2018 @ 12:51 pm
They are beautiful. The End.
November 20, 2018 @ 1:05 pm
Oh, the face! 😻 I’d take him over any urn any day! ( And your urn is beautiful; lucky you to have a great auction place). Happy Thanksgiving. 🍁🦃
November 20, 2018 @ 1:16 pm
Love the kitty in the urn! You continue to be hysterical! Happy Thanksgiving. I bet a turkey would fit in one of those urns.
November 20, 2018 @ 2:00 pm
aaaaahhhhh, urn envy!
November 20, 2018 @ 3:32 pm
i Love your blog, but I’m so over the kitchen angst. Just finish already and blog about kittens, holiday decorating, chunky jewelry, and How- since Jon Hamm has been single for a while- are you still married to Paul? Kidding! Just do you! You do it so well!
November 20, 2018 @ 5:29 pm
Well…. self should be pleased because I am getting your post in email! Praise be!
November 20, 2018 @ 6:32 pm
URN ENVY!
November 20, 2018 @ 9:36 pm
Beautiful urns. Fabulous looking auction. But the kittens…PRICELESS! So, send this comment to American Express. They can put your post, and your readers’ comments in their next commercial, and won’t even have to pay an expensive advertising agency. You and your readers have done it for them. Happy Thanksgiving!
November 20, 2018 @ 10:52 pm
both posts got through… In case you wondered!
November 20, 2018 @ 11:17 pm
Half asleep reading post,viewing video and actually jumped when up popped a very teeny tiny fancy thing. Your porch in total is sublime. I see you and magic man sipping wine on a balmy autumn evening imerced in profound topics of micro-versus no micro-exhaust fan ..ditto. On second thought never ever bring those up. Kittens and dancing,totally non controversial.
November 20, 2018 @ 11:19 pm
immersed-duh…
November 21, 2018 @ 7:55 am
You have attained front porch perfection! And. . . now my black and white cat wants her own enormous urn — frightfully jealous of your cat now!
November 21, 2018 @ 9:23 am
We just got a personal loan to consolidate credit card debt, the interest rates were better than the services that are advertised specifically for debt consolidation. FYI! Love the urns and the kitteh. Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours, thanks for the joy you bring!