A short video of my first auction experience.
Last month killed me… I am actually writing from beyond the grave.
(Such is my commitment to you.)
I might not even be here today, if it were not for the fact that I went to my first auction, (apparently even in death, I cannot pass up the possibility of a good find) and I wanted to submit a brief report.
Brief report:
Auctions are an endurance sport of having your nerves shredded.
I do not have the mental energy to form coherent thoughts about it.
Except:
WHY ARE AUCTIONS HELD IN A LANGUAGE THAT IS NOT HUMAN?
This cannot be the best way.
In auction world – you can have THREE auctions. In the SAME warehouse. At the same TIME. And give all the auctioneers a microphone.
For the first hour, I felt like screaming – SPEAK NORMALLY!
After that, I was too busy attending to the bleeding from my ears to be bothered anymore.
Plus, on top of the noise, chaos, and way too many strangers –I had rolled out of bed and gone in pajama pants. Which was a bad plan because it was HOT. So unbelievably hot. The kind of hot where you are sweating, just standing still.
I would have left immediately. Except, obviously that would have interfered with acquiring my thing. What was it? A sofa. For Elvis.
It is a little bit oversized for her, but (like me) she likes her fancy things to be giant. Plus, it is her favorite color. And it is upholstered in velvet which means she will not have to even work to shed all over it.
Seeing as how not one of you told me about auctions, I think it speaks to my selfless good nature that I am not stingily keeping this new goldmine to myself.
If you have never been, I made you a short video. If you cannot watch it at work, here is the synopsis:
Indecipherable, anxiety-inducing noise.
Finding something I need.
Elvis.
Like a metaphor for my entire life.
July 9, 2014 @ 11:03 am
I’ve collected for years and simply cannot spend my $ that fast. My head spins, my heart races, I feel faint and feverish. Just can’t do it. Even the website “everything but the house” is too much stress. E-bay been known to give me the willies. Let me have an old fashion antique store or flea market, where dickering is the method- and I can buy all day. Ahem and I have…
I love the editing on this 20 minute clip -it’s brilliant. I predict Elvis goes viral. >*+*<
She reminds me of Mae West on that chaise.
July 9, 2014 @ 11:07 am
Pleeeeeeease post more often. So delightful!
July 9, 2014 @ 11:21 am
I cannot overexaggerate how perfect that sofa is for Elvis–it clearly was designed for her. But my curiosity wants to know, was that really a chandelier that the assistants dropped and broke and had someone bid on it? I would adore going to an auction but the first couple of times would just be for research purposes, unless I can find someone to hold my hand and walk me thru…not a human language, you got that right!
July 9, 2014 @ 11:32 am
The footage of Elvis at the end was so adorable. I had to watch it 3 times.
July 9, 2014 @ 11:34 am
I’ve never been to an auction for fear of scratching my nose and the auctioneer thinking I was bidding $4,000 for that fireplace poker. I used to watch the best British series called Lovejoy (staring Ian McShane) and his character was a pro and resold what he bought. It was fun to see but further intimidated me. I’m impressed you actually came away with such a great find for Elvis.
I’m so happy to hear you survived last week, whatever was going on.
Karen
July 9, 2014 @ 11:44 am
Keep attending auctions! I promise you that you will learn to tune out the noise, especially once you’ve found items that you cannot live without and focus solely on them. Attending auctions is part of my business and once you get the hang of them they are a lot of fun!
July 9, 2014 @ 11:44 am
I’m about to be a part of an ONLINE auction. Should I let you know how that goes?? It will be my very first. Should be a tad less stressful maybe.
July 9, 2014 @ 11:44 am
Can’t wait for a report on your next auction outing. Let the bidding begin!
July 9, 2014 @ 11:50 am
Good for you! I confess that I’ve never been to an auction , even though there’s an auction house about a mile from my home that I pass every work day. I’m afraid of the speaking in tongues and maybe of myself. What if I get bidding fever?! The anxiety probably means I should just do it. It’s big fun around here on a Friday night, and fear should be vanquished. Maybe I’ll end up with something wonderful like Elvis’s divan!
Thanks for making me laugh again.
July 9, 2014 @ 11:54 am
That was my couch in college! Great score!
July 9, 2014 @ 12:01 pm
Thanks for starting my day with a laugh! You are a braver woman than I!! Elvis looks fantastic on his new couch!
July 9, 2014 @ 12:06 pm
You are so brave to go to an auction! My parents go, my former landlord goes, I have exes who go… I won’t. I’d end up cowering under a settee with my hands over my head. Too much noise, too many temptations to overspend.
That is a VERY FINE settee, and Elvis will be the envy of the feline set.
July 9, 2014 @ 12:09 pm
I attended a bankruptcy auction for a high end tile dealer. In an un-air conditioned warehouse. In the middle of July. With 100 sweaty, swarthy, hairy, minimally bathed contractors.
I swear, every time one of them raised their arm to bid, I thought I would pass out.
Did I leave? Of course not! I, too, was on a mission. Tile for all 4-1/2 bathrooms in the house I was building. I managed to snag some beautiful porcelain tile for $1200.
Did I mention that it was over 8,000 pieces of tile? Did I forget that part?
I had my husband meet me at the warehouse the next day so he could load half the tile in his Lexus sedan, while I put the rest in my Toyota Highlander. Did I mention it was over 8,000 pieces of tile?
The pile looked sooooooo much larger the second time I saw it. I ended up having to rent a U-Haul to get it to the construction site. And even though it got loaded ONTO the truck with a fork lift, I did not have a fork lift at the other end to get it off.
So we unloaded all that tile. About 2,000 pounds worth. By hand. For hours.
It was a full 2 days before I could stand up straight.
But my bathrooms are BEAUTIFUL!!!!
July 10, 2014 @ 2:17 pm
Sounds horrible and totally worth it!!! What a great deal – sweat equity is worth it, and I bet you smile each time you see & walk on that tile! 🙂
July 15, 2014 @ 2:40 pm
Yes, I have to say, I do love the bathrooms. And knowing I paid next to nothing for the tile makes me love them even more 🙂
You should see the pile I still have left over. Would tiling the driveway be too much?
July 9, 2014 @ 12:12 pm
Well, if my dog can have a futon, heck, an entire room, just for his naps, Elvis can have one measly little couch.
July 9, 2014 @ 12:41 pm
Oh elvis….gorgeous! I too do this for all my dogs…..BUT, my question: where exactly is the couch? I would love an auction….Please make another video full frame….I would like to see elvis’s area. I agree with the above…..post more often. ..even in death….gosh,that should be easier….duh!
July 9, 2014 @ 12:46 pm
Has anyone asked, how much did you pay for the piece and were there other bidders?
July 9, 2014 @ 12:50 pm
Hi, so fun that you got this oo-la-la sofa at an auction and it is just right for Elvis to sit upon.
July 9, 2014 @ 1:13 pm
Auctions are awesome, especially the little town or rural ones and they tend to be less noisy, more understandable and more affordable. Definitely follow Elizabeth’s rules 1 & 2.
Moving company auctions are the best. They are usually advertised in the local paper. They have to hold them for all stuff leftover so many days or months. You can get some awesome deals at moving company auctions.
July 9, 2014 @ 1:14 pm
Love auctions but I haven’t been to one in years. You can get caught up with the bidding & pay way too much for an item if you aren’t careful. I did that a few times. One item was a mine cut diamond ring that me & another woman were bidding on. I stopped at $6,500 & she won. Enjoy reading your blog.
July 9, 2014 @ 1:52 pm
I love love love your blog I read it, I share it on FB, I even forward to the VICE CHAIR in our office who is renovating from top to bottom the house she bought next door to the one she currently lives in! I have no idea how you will ever choose a kitchen I can’t and mine is a piddly 15′ X 8′! There is too much to choose from I mean what if you did manage to pick one, start working on it and then OMG saw something more spectacular…… Kitchens and bathrooms are the hardest because there are more remodels out there than there are population of New York!
Anyway, I wanted to tell you personally that you are an inspiration, a wonderful expressive writer and I am one of your fans from far off London, ON, Canada, and our Vice Chair has enjoyed some of your bloggs.
Salutations,
Ann