Has anyone seen my concentration?
I’ve been trying to finish this post for three days, but my brain keeps wandering off… The kind of stealth abandonment where it sneaks away, unsupervised and unnoticed.
Squandering your thoughts on the consideration of things that are clearly a total waste of time. And yet seem entirely necessary.
A Pinterest board dedicated to why Karl Lagerfeld is insane. Which would also be a Pinterest board dedicated to why Karl Lagerfeld is awesome.
In comparison, the final Front Porch post is boring. But that’s what you’re getting.
I really liked some of the pictures I took using a panoramic app… it’s hard to take a good photo of a wraparound porch. Yes, it distorts the image, but it gives a better idea of the space. The wide width does restrict the photo height, but if you click the image below, I loaded it full-size and it will open to fill the screen.
I also tested out the OlloClip, an attachable camera-lens for the iPhone. It gives you wide angle, fisheye, and macro options. I’ll review it at the end… If you can’t wait for the full-length evaluation—I thought it was useless.
I already covered the floor-stain-debacle in exhaustive detail… Beware Cabot stain! You can see how orangey it is. Time and weather will darken the wood, and hopefully by next spring it will be less colorful.
Unless it wants to sand itself in the night… In which case, I would appreciate the opportunity to choose a different stain.
These are the porch details I was in charge of:
- Shutter color
- Front door color
- Floor stain for IPE decking
And somehow, despite all the agonizing over shades and tints… Despite all my nine million paint samples… Despite testing stains and special-ordering products… I still ended up with a floor color I don’t like. And a shutter color I don’t like.
I’ll survive. Thanks for your concern.
But mathematically? 1 out of 3? That is a score of 33%.
Kind of like studying really hard for your French exam… for months ahead of time. And conjugating verbs. And reading Sartre. And wanting to reach through time to smack some sense into Simone. And going to France and eating baguettes and saying, Mon Dieu. And OH PIERRE. And wearing some very chic shoes. And traveling out to your country house and making endive salad and wearing only grey. And sounding enchanting even while screaming at your contractor that the cobblestones you ordered for your courtyard were supposed to be marble, not granite. Imbecile!
And then, despite all your hard work… getting an F on the exam anyway. Because the day of you show up with your pencil, your professor decides not to test you on French. Or your ability to order cobblestones. But instead, on micro economics.
The problem with the shutters? Is that they look black— A look I find synonymous with actual black.
It’s fine. I mean, except for how I did not want black shutters… And aggravating, because if I was going to choose black shutters, I could have appeared decisive and easygoing… saying airily—oh, just paint them black… I don’t care. La la la.
In my defense, I liked this color on its own. It’s the one on the right, up in the picture. It looked rich and contrast-y and charcoal-y. And it wasn’t until Paul painted all the shutters and hauled them up to the roof that I realized my error.
It was getting dark, and the color didn’t look rich or special anymore, it just looked black. Paul got busy hanging them, and I didn’t have the nerve to tell him I didn’t like it.
Plus, I didn’t need him getting out his laundry list and adding to it–
Item #597: the time Victoria made us repaint the shutters.
Also, I was too tired to care anymore.
He came down from the roof and stood next to me in the driveway. He was like, do you like them? And I was like, yes. They look great. I love them.
If you’re thinking that Paul will read this and be sad when it is revealed to him that I don’t actually like the shutters—let me clarify. Paul will not care if I like them. Only that I am willing to live with them. And he does not have to be further involved.
Paul and I stood there for a moment. Him, appreciating that FINALLY something was getting finished. Me, wishing I had taken more time, found more colors, gotten more samples.
And then Paul said—what kind of paint did you get? And I was like, I don’t know. What do you mean? I got the exterior stuff you told me to.
And he was like, no. I mean what kind of paint did you get?
DID YOU GET GLOSSY PAINT?
And I was like, oh? That? Yes. I totally did.
If you missed how Paul is the glossy-paint patrol, and you feel your life would be enriched by knowing the genesis of the joke, you can read that here.
If you’re interested in my thoughts on the OlloClip, they’re after the jump.
So the OlloClip is this little thing that goes over your iPhone camera lens.
It’s an external lens that lets you take wide-angle, fisheye, and macro shots.
I do know that the new iPhone 5′s camera has some different options that might be even better, but I still have the 4S.
My first problem wasn’t the product’s fault—I hadn’t factored in how putting an external lens over the phone would require removing my phone case.
It’s obvious, but I hadn’t thought about it. And it’s a problem for me, because at heart I am an old Italian lady from South Philly who has industrial-strength plastic slipcovers on all her furniture, and prohibits the grandchildren from touching the TV remote.
I loathe people touching my stuff. Even if I am the person doing the touching.
So I have an OtterBox case. Which is great. Except that removing it is a pain… So I was immediately disposed to think the whole process was inconvenient.
I got the OlloClip because of the wide-angle option. And it is definitely wider than the normal iPhone picture, but I didn’t think the quality was usable.
It gets great reviews on Amazon, and I had looked at other people’s photos online… The distortion is way less noticeable in a landscape shot with no tall structures. You might not even detect it. But anything with a straight vertical line looks like a funhouse image.
The fish-eye lens seems to function fine… It looks stupid. But all fish-eye looks stupid, so I guess it’s working properly.