Trash night is the best night: vintage dining room set.
Finding things is cyclical. Sometimes you find ALL of the things… And that is what is happening right now.
Or, alternately, I am entering a manic hoarding phase.
Either way, there are things I NEED TO GET.
Many things.
But there is a problem: these things require money. And I have agreed to a deeply restrictive and misguided budget where overages are required to be submitted for approval, prior to release of funds.
There is another problem: it is March and I am almost into June’s budget.
Paul has not said anything about it yet. Either he has forgotten… Or he wasn’t serious… Or he understands that these things MUST BE HAD… Or he is running the vig and will be sending someone to shatter my kneecaps.
Not that it really matters. Because just like any other degenerate gambler running from the mob, I am not interested in getting my act together, joining a 12 step program, or finding inner peace… I just want to go to Vegas Craigslist one more time.
So when I drove home on trash night, I did not see an old dining room set… what I saw was $300– just sitting at the curb waiting to be traded for MY THINGS.
Sort of like a cosmic-junk-exchange, organized by the gods of crap… (After my death, I hope to be canonized as their patron saint.)
I called Paul… I said – are you home yet? I am down the street! I need you to come and help me! I will stay here and stand guard!
As we were strapping chairs to the roof rack, Paul said– do you know a TV show called The Beverly Hillbillies?
I grew up without a TV, so I do not have all of the expected cultural references… But in this case, I will assume that The Beverly Hillbillies were a group of people who loved Craigslist, would go to any lengths to acquire their item, and were probably geniuses whose husbands loved them more than anything and would never stand between them and their THING or make unreasonable proclamations over small matters of budget-for-hoarding vs. budget-for-kitchen.
We put the dining set together and laid it out in the garage. It was nice! It wasn’t particularly interesting or fancy… But it was in great condition, incredibly sturdy, and a lot of furniture for $300.
It had a two-piece hutch, a buffet, six chairs, a table with two leaves… AND the felt table pads.
Trash night is Wednesday, by the weekend it was sold.
After the people picked it up, I said to Paul– this is like FREE Craigslist money!
Paul raised his eyebrows like he hadn’t seen that coming.
Then he added an unforeseen twist: any money acquired by the household must go into the kitchen fund.
And I was like – eh? Umm what?
WHAT?
No.
But Paul just shrugged and claimed that there is no way to add money to the Craigslist fund… that it is locked and finite.
He said this casually. Sadly, even… as though it had nothing to do with him and some other random person had made the rules.
I stood there gathering my wrath and contemplating why Paul would bring it upon himself… Then I leaned down and grabbed a handful of moldy radishes for emphasis and shook my fist at the garage ceiling, because– as God is my witness, if I pull something out of the trash, it goes into the Craigslist discretionary fund. THE END.
last time I shopped trash night
March 18, 2015 @ 12:20 pm
Just this week, I was thinking to look up when the semester was over for my local university. Rumor has it, there’s some stuff of questionable value that’s pitched as students vacate for the summer. Granted, it’s highly unlikely they’d be hauling a nearly perfect dining room suite to the curb, but there might be other treasures that could be repurposed or resold for a tidy profit on Craigslist.
March 18, 2015 @ 12:25 pm
As time progresses this ‘Paul’ character is getting sort of bossy. I’d be careful because if the public gets to anti-character the writers usually kill off said character.
March 19, 2015 @ 6:57 pm
In at least one way, Paul is like my Haley. He always shakes his head, too, and asks just where I’m going to put something, or how or for what am I going to use it; however, when I find something HE likes, or that saves us from having to pay retail, he suddenly gets all puffed up over HIS find! He is somewhat good about helping me load a find and get it home, and unloaded, but threatens dire consequences if I find more, then comes home with a table or credenza or something that one of his clients was throwing out and thought maybe I could use it! Lol! Also, when he asks if I have this or that screw or nut or bolt, etc. (I hoard them shamelessly, buying small bits at thrift stores and yard sales and roadside freebies), he conveniently forgets his tirade when I brought them home. You’d be amazed at the amount of brand new, unused wood I’ve found curbside, and Haley has never hesitated to USE it, though he is very vocal about storage of said wood at the time of acquisition.
Unfortunately, he has not yet developed a sense of urgency when it comes to completing projects, but that may change in 2-3 months when he retires. Two months for him to get tired of fishing/sleeping in/running all over creation, then one month for him to settle down and start planning projects. Maybe by month 4 we will start (or finish previously started) projects. A girl can dream.
March 18, 2015 @ 12:43 pm
What a find. We recently placed a BBQ and 2 file cabinets curbside and they were picked up by the next morning…can’t imagine they were as great a find as what you found. I totally agree, those funds are your found money. No way they should be placed in the kitchen fund, unless you wanted them to be. 🙂
xo,
Karen
March 18, 2015 @ 12:50 pm
I am awed and envious of your skills. You obviously have a gift at finding treasure and then being able to flip it for a profit. I suggest that since you both put effort and ingenuity into this endeavor (you provided the brains, Paul provided the brawn), you propose a proportionate disbursal of the loot: 70 percent into the Craigslist treasure hunting stipend and 30 percent into the kitchen beautification & restoration fund. Tell Paul that this arrangement will incentivize you to go out there and spin even more straw into gold.
March 18, 2015 @ 3:11 pm
That was such a great find, you should think about doing this seriously to feed your Pretty, Shiny habit. You can buy and sell all via Craig’s List, Genius idea!
March 18, 2015 @ 3:54 pm
Amazing what people put in the trash, much of it perfectly salvageable and some of it valuable. I probably shouldn’t feed this Beast, only here goes. Back in the halcyon days of the late 70’s (ok they sucked, but things were different) my ex got the flea market/antiques bug and wanted to be a dealer without investing anything, so decided to become a junkman. Figured it was a win-win, get the merchandise for free and be paid to take it away. Had a pickup truck already, called around to get an idea of pricing then put an ad in the paper, boom. Cleaned out houses and estates, dumped the junk, kept the good stuff, made good money selling what we didn’t want. Did that for 10 years before dump prices in Jersey became prohibitive. Labor intensive, dirty, highly lucrative, and you gotta be a little nuts to do it…. Ok, a lot. I still miss it.
March 18, 2015 @ 4:08 pm
The real triumph her is that when you called your husband he came. I stood in front of a curbside trove once and waited and waited until my ex finally stood on the front lawn gesturing, “What,” from up the block. You want to talk about wrath? Just ask my ex.
March 18, 2015 @ 4:12 pm
But, but, but…. Would the buffet or the hutch have worked in your kitchen, “let’s take out the cabinets/island and replace them with furniture,” plan?
March 18, 2015 @ 4:17 pm
Sometimes I feel for Paul…
March 18, 2015 @ 4:40 pm
I love your writing & I love your adventures. You make me laugh so hard! And now your Gone with the Wind allusion has solidified your blog as Oscar-worthy!
March 18, 2015 @ 5:07 pm
We have Spring Trash Day for four Saturday’s in April in our town (Highland Park IL)…the finds can be great. Years ago I stumbled out at 5am in robe & bare feet to retrieve the paper. When I noticed a neighbor had put 6 GORGEOUS cement planters out at the road. But they were big & too heavy to lift! I RAN to my husbands van, retrieved his plumbers dolly and sped back to the parkway. I managed to get three back to my house before a car showed up to cart away the last ones. But I’m not greedy plus I was still in my robe so I graciously let them have them. Trash day is great!
March 18, 2015 @ 5:40 pm
Paul is using all the negotiating strategies at once in the mother of all moves. Of course, he knows he’s arguing with a crazy person, so I can’t call it overkill. What I can call is that he expects a counteroffer. Tell him 50-50 or you rent a secret storage locker. Hoarding wins, kitchen wins.
March 18, 2015 @ 6:07 pm
Love this story as it reminds me of an adventure of my own…My husband and I had traveled across the state to visit family. On our way home we explored a lovely neighborhood. Resting at the curb, crowned with a cardboard sign that said, “FREE”, was a dining table and four chairs that looked to me to be a maple Ethan Allen set. I popped out to inspect further and determined that the set was quality made, had a formica top, and was in great shape. I couldn’t believe that the set was just being given away. I saw the front door of the home was open and could hear the sounds of party drifting down the driveway. I made my way to the door, and after cautiously knocking, was assured that I was, indeed, welcome to take the set. As we had been traveling, our SUV was full of luggage. I was convinced that with a bit of manipulation we would be able to just barely fit the furniture into the cargo area. My husband, of course, was not so sure. As we were unloading luggage and cramming chairs and table legs into our rig, a kind lady from across the street came to let us know that she had a mattress and other things to share. I was a bit embarrassed to think that we had been viewed as “needy”, but kindly refused her generosity, quickly finished cramming everything into the SUV and got on the road for a long trek home. Took some lovely photos in the sun at home and quickly listed the set on Craiglist. First call came right away and was from a woman who owned a deli and wanted the set to add to her eclectic seating. She was happy to find the set was Ethan Allen and loved the idea of a formica top for easy clean up between customers. She paid $250 for our treasure! Win, win! My husband couldn’t believe that my “dumpster dive” was so profitable! Not sure I’ll actively seek treasure collecting adventures in the future, but certainly won’t hesitate to stop the rig if I spot another goodie along side the curb!
March 18, 2015 @ 10:04 pm
I have read and reread ALL your posts! I so love your wit and your devoted husband! I am also in awe of your tenacity. Looking forward to new “stuff”!
March 19, 2015 @ 12:12 am
With all those “treasures” you could start an antique store… I almost thought for a moment that your garage shot was in one… then you could make that money! 😀
March 19, 2015 @ 10:48 am
Wow. Just wow.
March 20, 2015 @ 12:55 pm
Awesome post!!!!!
March 27, 2015 @ 9:18 am
I know trash night is free, and Craigslist is amazing, but have you heard about Everything But The House? I have a feeling you would love it!
http://www.ebth.com
March 29, 2015 @ 5:23 pm
I just found your blog from the link you posted on Houzz. I have spent several hours reading your posts giggling and laughing along the way. Love your sense of humor. You and your husband are a delightful couple. Looking forward to reading more about your diy projects and furniture finds.
April 19, 2015 @ 5:47 pm
Have you not explained to Paul that you are not hoarding junk, you are preserving history!