Do I really need a range hood?
SEE OUR FINISHED KITCHEN HERE!
I need to tell you my deepest darkest kitchen secret:
I do not like a range hood.
I hate them all.
I particularly detest the massive monument-to-wasted-space that has become a bizarre status symbol; like mounting a Range Rover over your stove.
Sure, you can choose one that is low-profile, but that would be in direct opposition to the opportunity to install an oversized jet-engine, directly in the place your face goes while standing at the stove.
Although obviously, (like any sensible person) I would trade a good portion of my soul for this kitchen.
Those sentences above are the beginning of a post I started months ago… Back when I thought I could withstand the scorn of the internet if I chose to not waste money and space on an appliance that I will never use.
However.
I have since begun to fear the wrath of the Appropriate-Cooking-Evaluators: a band of angry militants who patrol the internet for violations which offend them personally; and who believe that forgoing a direct-vented range hood is akin to voluntarily injecting yourself with Ebola virus— unbelievably stupid.
Like this kitchen below– so terrible! Let’s take a moment to reflect on how badly we feel for these people that their kitchen is so subpar!
I’m practically BLIND FROM HOW HORRIBLE THIS IS.
So why would I consider an about-face from hood-denier to herd-animal; when my preferred response to scorn and judgment is always to dig in my heels and run forward towards the executioner?
I guess the internet has broken me.
Specifically, a particular element to the internet that pervades every single topic that people can possibly form an opinion about: the mindset that there is ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY to do something that has zero impact on anyone else’s life.
The ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY people believe ONE THING, and then that is ALL THEY BELIEVE and they make it their life’s work to make sure anyone not doing THE WAY is immediately disqualified from life, clapped in irons, and dragged to the town square to be flogged for idiocy.
Which, upon reflection, is the source of all human conflict through history: your own opinions are fine, but other people’s are moronic and intolerable and deserving of the flaming cannonballs with chains.
Unless they happen to agree with you, in which case they are well-informed.
The ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY people’s initial input is well-meaning! (If bordering on didactic and unhinged.)
But if you fail to PROPERLY HEED THEIR WARNING AND APPRECIATE THEIR WISDOM…they become enraged.
WHY! Why would someone WHO HAS BEEN WARNED!! Fail to instal a direct-vent range hood???
Look at THESE IDIOTS! Living without a range hood!
Imbeciles!
I am thinking specifically of a kitchen-chatboard thread, where a woman explained that it was IMPOSSIBLE to direct-vent her range hood. And she wondered if (seeing as how she couldn’t direct vent,) could she just skip the questionably-effective-substitute-which-is-essentially-just-a-fan and install a light fixture she had fallen in love with.
It was the light fixture of her dreams! A design element that would bring her peace and joy and goodwill towards all! A lamp that would improve her very existence on earth and she could die happy because SHE HAD THE BEST LAMP.
The responses varied… but there were an ALARMING number of respondents who were EXTREMELY BOTHERED by the fact that this woman was not gutting her kitchen to the studs and reconfiguring everything towards the goal of direct-venting the range hood… and she should probably just go out and rent a bulldozer THAT VERY NIGHT and knock it all down to the ground while flagellating herself for having considered any other option.
They basically went on to suggest that she was a filthy, squalor-dwelling subhuman moron.
And as I read on and on and on… I have to tell you that I was AMAZED at the PASSION total strangers were bringing to disparaging this woman and her lamp… I mean, who has time for lengthy screeds decrying other people’s DESIGN CHOICES?
And then I was EVEN MORE AMAZED at how these people do not realize that they look like flaming lunatics.
My FAVORITE response was from a woman who wrote:
This one time, we didn’t have a range hood, and we had to THROW AWAY ALL OF OUR BELONGINGS INCLUDING THE FURNITURE after one month BECAUSE THEY SMELLED SO FOUL AND HORRIBLE from non-vented cooking odors.
I don’t know about you… but that does NOT sell me on a vent… it DOES, however, make me wonder WHAT THIS WOMAN IS MAKING FOR DINNER.
Anyway. All of this is to explain that I do not want a range hood.
But that I am thinking about it anyway.
Because of the internet.
And I am mad about it.
The way I’ve decided to deal with this irritating anxiety that MY kitchen in MY house designed to MY preferences might draw the ire of some random stranger on the internet is to turn it over to you.
Here’s what you need to know: our township construction code does not require one. I will not have an eight-burner stove outgassing 67 billion btu’s/therms/whatever other specs.
Ok! GO FOR IT!
This is your chance!
I WASH MY HANDS.
And if you fail to draw me out from the cave and convince me of the shadows on the wall, then you must return to your war room and inform the other ONLY ONE GOOD ACCEPTABLE WAY-ers that your method is flawed.
Please make a good argument! Definitely do not include information like this: you NEED a hood!
Because: SURPRISE! I do not!
I can prove that to you because we HAD a hood! It was direct-vented!
And I NEVER USED IT.
I never used it SO MUCH that I had Paul take it out.
Every single night I was like— WHY IS THIS THING RIGHT IN MY FACE?
Until eventually I was like– Plague of nonsense, BE GONE!
p.s.— save some outrage for the post where I explain how I’m thinking of not having a freezer.
xoxo,
VEB, squalor-dwelling subhuman moron, esq.
July 2, 2020 @ 4:18 pm
Omg…can I just say I’m so pleased to have found this post?! I’m sitting here looking at my gutted kitchen and the island where a big ugly hood would go and I keep crying on the inside of how I DO NOT WANT ONE but everyone is like oh grease this and smelly food that. If it smells that bad im definitely not cooking it! I really want three pendant lights over my counter/bar area. Ok, I feel better now and just saved about $400 by deciding. Boom!
July 3, 2020 @ 2:12 pm
We have a gas (propane) stove, 9 ft ceilings in the kitchen, cook everyday (at least something) and fry a lot. For 9 years we have been taking this huge chance and bucking conventionality much to my dismay (not) it has never been a problem…in the summer it can get a bit warm in the kitchen when making a big dinner for my family of 6 running all burners and the oven and once in a blue moon we have smoked out something and had to open a window (usually when a pie or something has spilled over 2while cooking in the oven). Just hasn’t been an issue. I have many times played with the idea of getting one just because I love the look of some of the gorgeous surrounds you see now in kitchens and get to thinking I want one for ours, but so far not wasting the money on it has won it out every time so far. Do what you love and don’t worry about these crazy people who can’t see past their own opinions.
July 31, 2020 @ 8:53 pm
Satire is so underrated. This is brilliant on so many levels. I’m still on the fence about a range hood but I’m guessing you’ll be okay with that.
August 24, 2020 @ 9:35 am
I’ve never commented on a blog post in my life, but truly had to. This was one of the best articles I have read on the internet, it had me laughing out loud, gave solid information, and overall was a joy to read up to the end. Thank you for the much-needed laugh and thank you for providing the internet with a much-needed reality check!
November 3, 2020 @ 12:59 am
No one knows why, but have you ever not jad one to know why? I saw one womans comment that her husband couldn’t take the alarms being set off anymore. Look – my mother in law is an avid cooker. Mexican food. Or, as we call it, food. I knew her as a teen. When my husband and i finally purchased the house years later that was the first thing he did – remodel the kitchen and put a hood. The place had been full of gunk. Caked. Super gross. Also roaches. She did have a little fan in the wall – no hood – but i never saw her use it. If you are insistant, maybe try going without it for a bit, and add later. But dont make big permanent plans above the area, like ezpensive pendant lighting, etc. Maybe just make sure you have a good ceiling light just far enough back, away from the wall.
September 24, 2020 @ 6:02 pm
Bless you, Victoria! Loved this post!!
I keep thinking I want a vent but I don’t know why. You’re hilarious and well written post was a breath of fresh air.
Thank you,
Ellen
October 4, 2020 @ 6:35 pm
Thank you for sharing this. Over the last 28 yrs, I have never had a vent hood. I have had microwave/vents, but have not once used the vent…rarely ever used the light. I’ve designed and built 6 large executives houses that our family has lived in over the last 28 yrs. I have also never had a gas cooktop. I know…what am I a savage?? I have always been happy with my electric cooktops. They’re easy!!! That’s all. Easy to use, easy to clean, easy on the eyes and the budget. My cooktops have always been under a window. We like to look out the window when we are at our kitchen sink…why not when we are at our cooktop?? Isn’t a view of nature better than the view of a monster of a hood vent? Never have I had odor, moisture or grease issues in my houses.
November 3, 2020 @ 1:01 am
No one knows why, but have you ever not jad one to know why? I saw one womans comment that her husband couldn’t take the alarms being set off anymore. Look – my mother in law is an avid cooker. Mexican food. Or, as we call it, food. I knew her as a teen. When my husband and i finally purchased the house years later that was the first thing he did – remodel the kitchen and put a hood. The place had been full of gunk. Caked. Super gross. Also roaches. She did have a little fan in the wall – no hood – but i never saw her use it. If you are insistant, maybe try going without it for a bit, and add later. But dont make big permanent plans above the area, like ezpensive pendant lighting, etc. Maybe just make sure you have a good ceiling light just far enough back, away from the wall. **I’ll just add any sort of circulation is good. Someone mentioned a microwave or recirculating fan. Those work as well (my mom has one.) Also, she is die-hard gas user. Not sure if that contributed to anything.
December 13, 2020 @ 6:49 pm
I am actually confused as to under what circumstances a range hood WOULD be required. Our last house did not have one, but we also had an electric stove/cooktop = no carbon monoxide fumes. Our current, temporary place came with an all-propane unit AND an apparently old/seldom used vent hood that screeched to life whenever I turned it on and made most conversation impossible while in operation. We were convinced that it MUST be used whenever the oven or stove was on as the smoke/CO detectors would go off if I opened the oven door. Then we replaced the original unit that had a pilot light for one with an electric starter (for other reasons, not just the starter), and our propane provider/repair guy told us that no, one did not HAVE to use the vent hood as an efficiently-burning flame made this unnecessary. This was welcome news and we both stopped using it soon thereafter and removed our CO/smoke detectors as they kept going off whether the fan was on or not. We never smell gas unless one of the knobs gets bumped (a design flaw of the stove) and our cats have not died. Actually now the fan doesn’t even work when I try to turn it on. The antique stove we will have in our next house has a fume hood built in as part of the design, which requires only a fan in the wall to operate and which I may or may not use most of the time.
January 29, 2021 @ 10:53 am
Love this post…you have won me over…no hood for me. I want to take down my upper cabinets and do a bit of open shelving but couldn’t envision working around a hood. We have very high ceilings and our kitchen is open to our other living areas. I want more clean lines in my kitchen so it works better with the other parts of my house. I have a microwave above my stove right now and I think the fan is a joke. Where does all this grease and oily steam go exactly, if you have a microwave or even a hood? My microwave isn’t vented out the roof. I guess I could get a giant hood/pipe that would go out the roof but you don’t think that is going to get dirty and greasy inside the hood and pipe? I would much rather put some Dawn in a spray bottle and clean a wall than trying to clean inside a hood. I cook a ton…was a caterer, big family, entertain 50 at a time for the holidays, and have a BNB now…and am going hoodless. Thank you for pushing me over the edge.
March 2, 2021 @ 8:21 am
Great post! Never used the vent, but do occassionaly like the light. Another point to enrage the appliance snobs would be to discuss the elimination of the microwave. My wife and I remodeled our kitchen about 13 years ago and decided not be reinstall a microwave, given the only thing we used it for was to heat water for tea! Never missed it and love the look without one. But our friends and family cant believe there are folks who dont have that bulky box sitting on their counter, to ruin any foods that go into it!!!
March 17, 2021 @ 8:48 am
I don’t remember either set of grandparents’ homes having hoods. I’ve not see a hood in any old timey kitchen photos. Just because they now exist as a thing to buy – we absolutely need them? My lame “pretend vent” under the overhead microwave doesn’t seem to do anything. I always end up opening windows and am just fine with that.
April 2, 2021 @ 10:04 am
Wow! Calm the fuck down….
April 16, 2021 @ 2:28 pm
I’m so glad I happened along this post! I am upgrading my gas range from 30” to a 36” and so I purchased a new hood. I decided to go with a 36” wide hood as the advice is as wide or wider than your range. Well I don’t want a 42” enormous hood so I went with 36”. I also bought one that’s got more suction than my current hood (which I basically NEVER use unless I’ve burned something) but less than was recommended by my range manufacturer. I realized I hardly use the one I have now- why on earth would I need one that’s 4x as powerful just because my range has two more burners? I’m not going to be using all six at once except MAYBE at thanksgiving. Probably not even then. And I don’t have a backsplash now, just regular painted plaster. I hardly even wipe it down and there’s no grease on it. From the way people talk you’d think I’d have rivers of grease running down the wall since I don’t use my fan when cooking. And I made the mistake of posting on houzz about it, HAHAHA the meltdowns, the shaming, the chastising, THE STENCH I WILL HAVE. Good lord.
July 23, 2021 @ 5:25 pm
I hate a range hood; we are currently remodeling our kitchen and much to everyone’s dismay, I am not including a hood. I never use it, I hate the way a range looks and sounds. We have had downdraft hoods…didn’t use it. We have had the over the range hood and did not use it. Now, for the first time in my life, I am getting the kitchen of my dreams and the nightmare of a hood will be left behind! Also, our house does not smell!
September 5, 2021 @ 7:15 am
Love this article! I agree with this so much I’ve always struggled with the ugly aesthetic of extractors. Under duress, I’ve had hoods in the past and they have NEVER been used. My mind is made up now that I’m going to install anything in my old cottage with low ceilings. The stable doors and windows will be opened if ventilation is required!
November 17, 2021 @ 8:52 am
Hello! I am going through the same turbulences as you 😉 I don’t want the rang hood but then I start to be attacked by the opinions about smell, grease, dump etc. I have a range hood now, connected to the ventilation. I use it when I remember. And then quickly turn it off because it annoys me. I really think I will go against everybody and do my new kitchen without the hood. Your post is my inspiration.
November 29, 2021 @ 1:53 pm
The effectiveness of the filters determines the range hood’s quality. The most advanced filters contain charcoal or activated carbon, which helps to actively filter grease, smoke, and steam from the air and deliver fresh air back into the home.
It is always recommended that you maintain, clean, and replace your exhaust hood in order to obtain the best results from it.
January 25, 2022 @ 7:07 pm
You sound like a child. Building codes are there for a reason.
April 29, 2022 @ 10:16 pm
Hahaha, and you sound like a bore.
May 19, 2022 @ 11:26 am
We are getting ready to remodel our kitchen. The hubby wants a big fancy range hood. Ugh! In the 25 years we have lived here, I have rarely used the under cabinet hood vent we currently have, except for the light…it’s just too noisy and really doesn’t do much. I don’t see the point of spending all that extra money for something that will just be a decorative element. I’d rather have the storage space. BTW, our house is clean, grease free and smells fine.
August 20, 2022 @ 5:52 pm
To each his own, but as for me and my house, as long as it is not required by code. I choose not to have one. I have one now because I rent, and I don’t have a choice, but spoilers, I never, never, never turn it on. And I hate it. I cook less because of it, it has dust hanging from it that no matter how hard I try, I cannot get clean. It is incredibly loud the two times my husband has turned it on. And even though we used one (sparingly) growing up, all of the “cute” things my mom kept above the cabinets were always SO grossly covered with grease by Christmas that it took hours to was them. My solution: No hood, and clean the kitchen more than once a year. WoW! It doesn’t prevent a fire. It doesn’t actually change the air quality in my house (if for no other reason than I never turn it on) and it is not necessary by law. So to each his own. If you want a hood no judgment. But for me and my house (- that opening the window thing sounded like a really good idea!) there will be no hood! (bowing and dropping the mic)