A box of (foster) kittens.
To address how much I miss Elvis, I have two separate and conflicting emotions:
1. Now is a good time to foster because I will never love again/my heart is stone/I will not get attached.
OR
2. Go immediately and get a forever cat… if I get a small/lady/tuxedo cat then she will be 1% like Elvis and then I will only be 99% full of sadness.
I’m not sure if these are “right” decisions that I’m “ready ” for… I suspect that much of my rush has to do with avoiding dealing with Elvis being gone.
I have always prefered creating one disaster to ignore another… and when I suggest to Self that we sit quietly in reflective contemplation, Self is like – no thanks.
Either way, it’s still a fact that we have a home to give.
Way back when we originally got Elvis, I had not planned that she would be our only cat… I assumed I would foster too, until it turned out that Elvis HATES other cats.
I even brought home kittens, and Elvis hated them too.
Paul and I were embarrassed for her… I mean, who hates kittens?
If I had been less bonded to Elvis, I might have insisted that she deal with it and understand that she didn’t get to be the only homeless cat I took in… but I had an older cat once whose entire personality changed when we introduced a younger cat, and he never recovered.
The idea of turning Elvis/my favorite being/into an unhappy rage maniac… was impossible.
So I helped in ways that didn’t upset Elvis.
On Saturday, Paul and I went over to one of the busiest shelters in Philadelphia (read: kill shelter with limited resources and huge demand for intake).
Paul was hesitant, his feeling was – you have been comatose for days, are you sure this isn’t just going to be even MORE upsetting?
I think there was also an element of — cats are the ONLY thing you’ve thought of for over a year… can we wait a minute before jumping back into that pool?
But I guess he also wasn’t comfortable being the person who refused to take me to do the one thing I said I must do.
At this shelter, you have to fill out an application to even open a cage/pet a cat you like, and as I was doing that, I thought – well I might as well apply to also be a foster. Just, you know, to cover all of the bases.
Then the application woman said – if you are interested in being a foster, I would love to show you some of the cats who are “time stamped” for tonight.
So now we are fostering Berla. (I don’t know what that name is from or means) but Paul has been calling her Bigfoot, because she is polydactyl.
She is basically a malnourished bag of bones, but she is a VERY sweet cat, which is surprising for how poorly she’s been treated by humans! She’s calm and friendly… and has been eating like a machine. She uses her litter box perfectly, AND uses the scratch pad LIKE A CHAMP. Overall, she is an excellent houseguest!
She would have been killed only because she has an upper respiratory infection. She is getting medicine, (which she does not love taking, but I am now a cat-medication-giving-rockstar. So we are a good pair.) Her breathing is better already, and even her fur is looking better… I think with some time it will fill in and she will look much spiffier.
I do not think I will fall in love with her, but she will be a wonderful cat for someone and I am so thankful we are able to give her a home while she waits for her forever people.
You cannot change the world,
but you CAN change ONE animal’s whole world!
Adopt don’t shop!
Each year, approximately 2.7 million animals are destroyed in shelters, (1.2 million dogs and 1.4 million cats) JUST in the United States (source, ASPCA)… these animals sit in lonely cages and are eventually put to death because there are simply too many animals and not enough homes… why buy from a breeder or pet store when you could save an animal’s life!
Please don’t have your animal have babies!
If you would like to experience baby animals, foster them! You get the experience, AND you are helping animals! You house them and socialize them and play with them and LOVE THEM until they are old enough to be fixed and go to their forever home!
PLEASE!!! spay and neuter your pets!
Even if they are indoor animals, they can still get out, get lost, and add to overpopulation.
If you notice stray cats in your neighborhood, PLEASE consider TNR-ing them. It’s easy to identify male cats who are not fixed because they will go around spraying on their walkabout… a TNR program can help you trap these animals, have them fixed, and then return them to their territory.
Consider being a foster home for an older animal.
Lots of dogs and cats need a place to recuperate from an injury or illness, or maybe they are just overwhelmed at the shelter and doing poorly. Temporarily taking an animal into your home can save their life! And you open up cage space for the shelter to take in another animal in need.
There are even lots of ways you can get involved that don’t require you to have animals in your home:
1. Volunteer at your local shelter— walk dogs, play with cats… giving the animals human interaction helps keep them receptive to new people and helps keep them from going stir crazy!
2. Collect supplies… shelters are ALWAYS in need of any supplies you can donate. You can ask your shelter for a list of needs.
Host an adoption event.
According to the American Veterinary Medical Association, 40% of pet owners learned about their pet through word of mouth… essentially, just putting animals IN FRONT OF PEOPLE makes them want to adopt!
Think about places where you can raise awareness– work, gym, local coffee shop… get creative! This is TRULY effective!
To find a shelter, start with Google… but sometimes small, volunteer-based organizations are not web-savvy! So searching on Facebook, or Petfinder can also be a good start.
You can even help without ever meeting animals– raise awareness:
1. about the importance of spay/neuter, the value of fostering, trap-neuter-return, and choosing shelters over breeders/pet stores.
2. and also:
GIVING AWAY FREE ANIMALS IS A BAD IDEA!
Initially I tried to write why, but the urls of these articles pretty much sum it up:
man-charged-with-torturing-and-killing-pets-he-adopted-from-craigslist.html
Kittens-bought-Craigslist-stomped-death-kill-room-man-says-hurt-angry-world.html
man-who-tortured-dismembered-dogs-he-got-on-craigslist-gets
If none of those seem like good reasons to be careful who you give an animal to, here are more:
- Cats, kittens, small dogs, rabbits, etc. are used as bait in dogfighting rings. (National Geographic. *NO graphic images.)
- Used in “crush” fetish videos… which is exactly what it sounds like (care2.org… *NO graphic or upsetting images, just a report on a successful and unprecedented prosecution!)
PLEASE go the extra mile when rehoming a pet! PLEASE check out the credentials and housing for your pet to ensure they are going to a truly safe and loving home.
***
I know at this point you are like: WHERE IS THE BOX OF KITTENS I WAS PROMISED?
So here you go.
After we came home with Berla. I felt good about that!
But you know what I didn’t feel good about? I didn’t help any kittens. Who doesn’t help kittens??
In the moment/at the shelter, I wasn’t sure if I wanted kittens. I thought they might make me sadder/miss Elvis more/generally contribute to the feeling of life-isn’t-fair.
But by the time we got home I realized I had made a mistake — the day I don’t have room in my heart for kittens is a day of doom and armageddon… so I had to make a second trip.
Have I gone overboard? Probably… it’s what I do. I don’t know any other way to function.
It is officially kitten season… which means that in any given week, a busy shelter can EASILY take in a HUNDRED kittens and pregnant cats.
THAT IS A LOT OF KITTENS.
If you are able to provide a foster home, you are giving these animals a chance to get big enough to be adopted. AND (incase this is not obvious) YOU GET KITTENS.
Here is some video for you. ***TURN UP YOUR VOLUME TO HEAR THEM**
P.S.– I switched video hosts, because the other one was getting expensive! You might get a comercial now. Sorry! When I re-evaluated my expense-priorities: making-my-site-fancy-for-internet-people VS. cats… the cats won.
August 18, 2016 @ 9:54 am
You are wonderful and your foster cat and kittens are adorable! I am so happy you are fostering a kitty who needs medical help, that is so much saner than just putting her to sleep 🙁
August 18, 2016 @ 10:00 am
you guys are so great! As soon as I get back from my three day escape, I AM going to get a cat. Spookie passed some 6+ months ago……………..it’s time.
thanks
Fern
August 18, 2016 @ 10:19 am
Love Berla’s toes, and the kittens are so sweet. Great decision.
Lauri
August 18, 2016 @ 11:33 am
That Berla (though I think this is a misspelling of Purrla) has the fanciest feet on a cat I have ever seen. How can you not fall in love?
August 18, 2016 @ 11:34 am
The best morsel in this story is the love and acceptance you have for yourself. You knew what to do, and you defied conventional wisdom, plus the concern of a loving spouse, to do it. That’s the big gift, likely passed down for many generations, and it’s why we love hanging out at your blog. Your life is your example. Rock on!
August 18, 2016 @ 11:52 am
Love them tender . . . love them sweet . . .
August 18, 2016 @ 1:26 pm
TNR ROCKS!! If anyone needs assistance/support I’m happy to discuss via email.
Congrats on ALL your kitties, kitten love is the best 🙂
And the internet was conceived solely for sharing cat pictures and videos so we totally understand your decision.
August 18, 2016 @ 1:58 pm
You’ve given Berla the means to heal–clean bed, safe surroundings and love. You can see it in her relaxed smile as she rests. That’s a wonderful gift. And of course the box of kittens is beyond cute. We have a very elderly and fading senior cat in our household that we know we won’t have much longer and the cycle we’ve had for so many years in our marriage will continue. With our two younger cats we’ll welcome some new rescue who needs a home and enjoy their special personality too. Thank you for making this good thing known in Elvis’ memory.
August 18, 2016 @ 2:31 pm
So happy to see this! It really does help fill the empty spaces. It doesn’t make up for it, but it helps. These four are lucky cats!
I have four rescue cats myself and a rescue dog that was badly abused and abandoned as a puppy. Varying ages and circumstances when I brought them in but they’re all amazing. I took them in at various times over the year after my old and much-loved dog passed. If he had to go, I’m glad he left an opening for these furry loves behind.
I really wasn’t sure I’d keep them all long-term but I have no regrets! Whether you rehome or keep, you won’t either 🙂
August 18, 2016 @ 3:00 pm
I think you have no choice- only three kittens (who look like they could Elvis’s babies) can replace one amazing cat. When our one dog died I said, and even Mr. Stephen (who isn’t big on pets because he always ends up being the one walking them when it rains) agreed, next time we are going to have two dogs… and we do!
August 19, 2016 @ 7:50 am
Thanks for such an informative blog post. I’m sure you saved some lives today.
August 19, 2016 @ 2:12 pm
As a board member of our local humane society and a life-long cat owner and current staff for two cats and owner of two dogs, I say… go, you! I especially love that you went to a non-non-kill shelter. There is so much bad-mouthing of them — our shelter has been under attack for a couple years by one person — but they fill a need. It is a sad truth, but not all animals can be saved. There are simply too many animals and not enough resources. Our board is currently considering beginning to import dogs from the South, where there are too many adoptable dogs and not enough homes; in the North we seem to have the opposite problem. (Cats, not so much. There are still way more cats than homes, although the new effort to find *jobs* for feral cats in warehouses, nurseries, etc., is a hopeful trend.)
When our two sons were still at home, we fostered kittens every summer. Those kittens were all so well-socialized when we returned them that NOTHING would faze them.
August 19, 2016 @ 3:44 pm
I didn’t think I could like you ( a complete stranger) more, but I do.
August 19, 2016 @ 4:25 pm
This week was a particularly bad one for me, as well, as I had to put my beloved Australian Shepherd, Maisy, to sleep. Two days later, I woke up to one of those “here’s what you were doing three years ago” messages from Facebook, and it was my post about the death of my black Lab, Tessa. That really was the cherry on top of the s**t sundae. As sad – bereft and inconsolable – as I am, I too immediately wanted another dog. You see, I don’t have anywhere else to put all this love and if I don’t have my animals to shower it on I may pop. I haven’t yet broached that subject with the husband, who may not share my particular way of coping with loss, but it’s not going to be long and I hope Maisy, or Tessa, send another member of the family my way soon. I’m proud of you, VEB, for fostering and using your grief to do good. I get too attached, so fostering isn’t much of an option as I would have to keep them all (which is why I have five cats). So I support some recue organizations other ways and try to be the best pet parent I can be. Strength to you and I hope you find, not another Elvis, but another whoever that will make you feel whole again in a way only they can.
August 19, 2016 @ 10:16 pm
Thank you for writing this post and for fostering. I volunteer with my local humane society and we need foster homes more than anything right now. We provide all vet care. Fosters provide food, love, socialization and transport them to adoption events. We also need people to help set up and take down crates, etc. at adoption events and help cleaning cat cages at our local Petsmart. There are so many opportunities to volunteer and help the animals.
August 20, 2016 @ 3:34 pm
I wanted to write you a little thank-you letter. Your blog has been a delight and small highlight of my days for the past several months, ever since I was turned onto it by the kingdom mirror post. I am 23, and I recently got my first real GFT all thanks to you: your style, ideas and advice lead me to hunting down and correctly pursuing a gorgeous dining room set and hutch on Craig’s List. This lovely man had just settled his grandfather into a nursing home, and needed the furniture out of the then-sold house. I (and a small troop of strong and loyal pals) hauled this amazing collection of furniture out of that house and into my apartment, and it cost me $75.00. Oh, and another $75.00 for the entire 12-person china set which was in the hutch, which astoundingly matches the china set I had inherited from my mother. This is all thanks to you for the following reasons:
– I would never have thought to look for quality furniture on Craig’s List if not for you
– This seller chose me over 5 other offers he received because I followed your advice on how best to transcend the pile: he said I was “the most confident, forthright and direct,” …and because I do not sound 23 over the phone. All you. Thousands of dollars worth of furniture and dishes, $150 total. Bless.
– Honest to goodness, I have learned an enormous amount about how to move and ship things from reading and watching what your posts. I did my own research too, but I was able to get this stuff home without a scratch thanks to you.
Thank you. Your blog is so wonderful. I aspire to be as earnestly and unabashedly glamorous and energetic someday. I caught up reading right with Elvis’s passing. I was thoroughly in tears at the end of the video, went to click onwards to the next entry, and was hit harder again by the knowledge that though I had been binge-reading, I had finally caught up at a moment of deep personal tragedy. I am so sorry. I have lost a cat to cancer, and it is devastating. I hope with these new fosters, you are able to heal through love and service and new life.
Be well, and happy fall.
August 20, 2016 @ 6:20 pm
We fostered and then adopted an 8 year old dog who’s owner had passed away 7 years ago. What was supposed to be a few weeks until a home was found has been 7 years. He’s a part of our family that I didn’t know we needed (that I needed) and bringing him home will always be one of the best decisions we ever made (I say as he lays on my feet licking my ankles between loud snores).
August 21, 2016 @ 12:49 am
I’m almost in tears reading your post today. I’m a part of a very small, foster-based, cat rescue group in South Carolina. We do adoption days every Saturday at a pet store. Today the store manager said someone left a box of 4 kittens at the entry door before they opened this morning and he asked if we could take them in. Later in the day, a man came in with 2 little baby kittens he had found in his yard this morning. In total, we adopted one young cat today, and gained 6 kittens. We are busting at the seams in our homes with foster cats. If it wasn’t for the folks who help our rescue by fostering, we could not continue, in our small way, saving these lovely and loving animals. Thank you so much for sharing your compassion for these little treasures.
August 21, 2016 @ 4:11 pm
What an amazing thing to do; whether you foster them or keep them, you are helping them, and hopefully yourself in the process.
I can’t foster, as my old man Carlos (also a poly!) is not much of a fan of other cats. But he’s a rescue, my previous babies were, and the next ones (sigh, hopefully not too soon) will be too.
August 21, 2016 @ 10:38 pm
Losing a pet is never easy but a wonderful way to honor Elivis’s memory by giving more cats an opportunity to find a forever home.