Wait… WHERE is the sofa?
Paul was out Saturday morning… but when he got home, it didn’t take him very long to say— wait… where is the sofa?
And I was like— I sold it! I told you: I AM SELLING EVERYTHING.
He said— yes… but… where will people sit?
And I said— on the floor! LOOK HOW SPACIOUS IT IS NOW THAT THERE IS NO SOFA!
Once upon a time, I bought the English Roll Arm sofa from Restoration Hardware… it was white, because I had temporarily taken leave of my senses and forgotten that I am someone who should never own a white sofa.
I bought it shortly after the living room and dining room were finished— rooms that had been so unlivable for so long, that the transformation was almost unbelievable.
And somehow, buying a brand-new, pristine sofa seemed to hold some deeper life-meaning… like maybe NOW I would start being the new/relaxed/better version of myself I’ve been meaning to get around to.
And apparently that version has a summer cottage on Nantucket… I would guess that she also has a lot of nautical-themed home-accents, wears trendy statement-jewelry to the beach, and does not care if her passel of dogs and children destroy everything… because she can afford to buy more.
This is the ultimate problem with trying to be someone else – YOU ARE STILL YOU.
It can be very inconvenient.
In reality, I am a very stern and unbending person who also enjoys ridiculously over-the-top ornamental objects but can only afford the broken-sort-of-crappy-ones.
My furniture should reflect this.
But at the time I was OBSESSED with this particular sofa… it’s a beautiful piece of furniture, it’s just that it’s NOT ME AT ALL!
And I should add that this was before the wardrobe and The Kingdom Mirror, so there was plenty of space for me being brainwashed by too many inspiration-photos-of-Nantucket-imaginary-lady-lifestyle.
Shortly after the living room was finished, I drove by a Restoration Hardware outlet… and as I walked in, they were bringing out the EXACT sofa I wanted!
In the moment, it was an easy choice.
It was still wrapped in the delivery plastic, because whoever ordered it failed to measure their space correctly. And it was ONLY $1,000. (Please use the word “only” in the loosest sense possible.)
“Only” seemed to apply because with tax and delivery, this sofa will run you close to $4,000 brand new… I have no idea who spends that on a sofa (—> says the woman eager to spend way more on something far less practical).
And can I just add that with the exception of Ikea, the price range for a large sofa is shockingly high, considering it’s basically some two-by-fours and foam.
But over time, I started to question spending so much money on something completely uninteresting and utterly non-GFT* (*Giant Fancy Thing)… especially as you can see, that there is NOTHING about this room now, that wants a sofa from Restoration Hardware.
Paul tried to make me feel better by pointing out that we DO genuinely need a place to sit… and that theoretically that seating should be comfortable… and that ALSO theoretically, that seating should not collapse under our guests… you know, just as a matter of courtesy.
But it didn’t matter… for me, once I am disillusioned with something, there is no re-illusioning.
I ended up seeing the sofa as a representation of my own failure to think rationally and critically… and it is not lost on me that I am applying those feelings to possibly the only purchase in this house that MOST people would feel was reasonable.
There was another element too: I began to see the purchase as uncomfortable evidence of my susceptibility to advertising… I was grouchy that I unwittingly participated in aspirational-internet-brainwashing.
Dedicating space in my house to a SOFA that could otherwise be used for SOMETHING FANCY = not what I am about.
Then, in what I presume was a move to rub salt in my wound, RH sent me a catalog equivalent to the weight of a small child… any company that sends out 20 pounds of paper for you to throw in your recycling bin are pretentious asses, no matter how good their visual design team is.
Also, yes FINE. There is the tiny detail of how I knew I could sell it for significantly more than I paid and how I need money for the mystery GFT.
And now I am going to be really serious for a few paragraphs and try to rectify what I see as a horrible moral failing on my part.
I have real anxiety about telling you this, because I think you are entitled to judge me as unbelievably ignorant: after I got the sofa home, I realized that the cushions were wrapped with a down layer around the foam.
I cannot overstate my horror.
Down (and any fur product!) are atrocious torture for the animals… and somehow I managed to support this barbaric practice.
If you’re unfamiliar with this heartbreaking industry, I hope you’ll take a minute to educate yourself… here is a very brief overview… there is also a short, two-minute video that I hope you’ll consider watching. Is it easy to watch? No. It is horrible… But if we allow ourselves to turn away because our feelings are inconvenient, this unspeakable life of misery for these animals will continue.
So! Sofa! Let’s recap:
1. not a GFT.
2. made out of morally-abhorrent material.
Girl, no. Bye.
I’ve rearranged the furniture, and because I am so prepared a hoarder, I have enough chairs in this house to seat a small army. Maybe even a medium-sized one. So I am not necessarily in a hurry to replace it.
Although– SURPRISE! There is a sofa on Craigslist that I’ve been watching.
I actually went to look at it and I did really like it, but I could not come to an agreement on price with the seller because she does not realize that I am the ONLY person who will buy the thing from her because:
A– it is horribly uncomfortable, and
B– everyone I’ve showed a photo of it to has said something to the extent of: that is really hideous… by which I assume they mean glorious awesomeness that they will be jealous of.
If I could have gotten it for a REALLY good price, I would have bought it; but right now my priorities are not seating… I have one goal: put all money towards Arkansas fund.
I also looked at this sofa because it is fairly inexpensive at $500, and matches the ottoman, but then I was like, ummm hello? Is that a GFT? No. It is not. SO I DO NOT NEED TO BUY IT.
see all my favorite Craigslist finds
Pat
February 23, 2016 @ 12:20 pm
Hysterical! I live in the Philly area, and also troll CL for affordable GFT’s (though I have officially run out of room, and now have to sell pieces so my kids will stop threatening to sign me up for a Hoarders episode). You are a riot, glad I found this site….though I may love my down comforter and coat too much to watch that video. Yea, I know, but I don’t wear fur, and hope my down fill came from recently deceased geese that died of old age. Pat
Devon
February 23, 2016 @ 12:34 pm
The suspense of the mysterious GFT you speak of is driving me crazy!! I can only imagine what it could be……when can we expect a reveal? You are a hoot Victoria! Ps hope dear Elvis is doing ok, I’ve been thinking about her?
Bobbie
February 23, 2016 @ 12:44 pm
I also avoid down. Always love reading your posts!
Michelle Holland
February 23, 2016 @ 12:56 pm
I can only hope the house itself is exempt from this selling spree…..after all where would you store your GFTs?
Can’t wait to see the mystery GFT!
Michelle
BJ
February 23, 2016 @ 1:08 pm
You know I love you… I read your blog – religiously!! I’m not really much of a commenter, but I did today have to just say, good for you for sharing about the animals. Down is awful and I love that you brought some attention to it.
Mary
February 23, 2016 @ 1:18 pm
Victoria Elizabeth Barnes! Get rid of that ottoman, IMMEDIATELY! Keeping something like that around will decay your mind and turn Paul into, well, we don’t know what, but whatever he becomes, it wont be pretty.
Of course, you could take all that tufted, white stuff off, use the frame, paint the frame and re-create something GREAT for your tool shed- a low table to hold stuff, a low table to layout fabric on, etc.
OR you could put it on Craigslist and then observe WHO buys it…
LOVE your posts! a bit of sunshine – always!
Betsy
February 23, 2016 @ 1:21 pm
Paul surely lives a great life with you! Imagine coming home everyday and not knowing what he’ll find when he steps through the door. He must feel like a kid on Christmas morning. How fun!
Liz H.
February 23, 2016 @ 2:27 pm
Or he feels like the over indulgent parent opening up all the Christmas bills in January!
Donna Gibson
February 23, 2016 @ 1:26 pm
I can’t relate to this post because the RH white sofa is MY DREAM SOFA! It’s so comfortable! I’m so sad to not be the person you sold it to, I would have happily driven 1000 miles to get one for just $1000. I lived 10 years with a white IKEA sofa (that started sagging immediately) and recently upgraded to a Wayfair.com sofa in cream (white took 8 weeks longer & the holidays were upon me) that I detest it after just 4 short months! It somehow manages to soil faster than the white one did. AND collect dust and hair at lightning speed! The white one never did that! Live & learn!
If you’re selling everything, I’d happily buy the wardrobe or the kingdom mirror! Call me!!!
Victoria Elizabeth Barnes
February 23, 2016 @ 1:33 pm
Find a RH outlet! Give them your name/what you are looking for and they will call you if they ever get it. (This does assume you live near one, which I guess if you did you would have been all over it!)
merry ann westbrooks
December 6, 2017 @ 10:08 pm
I think you need your own show on HGTV!!! I have an 1890 house that had gas lighting when my parents bought it. I am down to the kitchen and dragging my feet cause I don’t like the modern cabinets so I am floating your idea about cabinets by my brother! love the piano idea but it is much easier to manipulate/guilt a husband than a brother and remarrying to get a piano is a little much even for me lol. I like the ottoman, would look good in my AZ house! if you don’t use auctionzip.com or shopgoodwill.com check them out. since your doing tri-state there is a big auction in northern WV under Ball Auction. also plan a road trip for that 1,000 mile yard sale. a few girls are renting an rv to do it! one with a trailer hitch lol
Laura
February 23, 2016 @ 1:32 pm
I suppose you think that a white cotton damask slipcover is beneath contempt? Stay with me – if you had one, you could have a WASHABLE white sofa (in fact colors would not be advisable!) – equivalent to having your cake and eating it, too.
Don’t reply, I’m already ashamed of myself.
Trisha
February 23, 2016 @ 1:38 pm
So, you really want to live in Arkansas? Without furniture?
DARLENE
February 23, 2016 @ 1:41 pm
Have I told you I love you lately? I do! You make me cackle every time. I can’t wait to open the new posts and I always hope you go on a rant so it’s a long one. I feel like a stalker, but mostly just hugely entertained! Thanks for sharing.
Stacey
February 23, 2016 @ 1:42 pm
I love your blog and I love you even more knowing that you do not support the torture of animals through the down and fur industries – I completely agree and was cheering you on as you suggested that if one thinks he/she CAN support that industry, it is important to know the suffering it causes on perfectly innocent beings. Inconvenient feelings should not be buried under our desire for things when perfectly wonderful substitutions are available 🙂 THANK YOU!!!!! LOVE YOU!!!!
Lyra
February 23, 2016 @ 6:48 pm
Just wanted to tag along and say, Yes! This! I have very very (very) different style tastes, but you’re hilarious and ten points for the animals! Alternatives are really good nowadays…why use down/fur/leather?
(Also, my cat died almost six years ago and it still absolutely crushes me, so I feel your pain as well as your glee/horror/churlishness).
Rachel
February 23, 2016 @ 1:57 pm
Wow, what a lovely post. First time commenting, but I have been FB/blog stalking you for a while. Frankly, seeing the bounty of GFTs that exist near you makes me sad (rural Oklahoma is definitely not a great source of GFTs!), jealous, and definitely wondering how I can replace my SFTs with GFTs, and avoid alerting Himself. Five children, limited budget, and a husband who work from home makes finding, purchasing, and getting GFTs into my late 70s one story ranch house difficult, so I am really enjoying your never ending search for/finding/replacing old GFTs with new GFTs… I am trying to talk Himself into making me (he does custom woodworking, furniture etc) a GFT for our bed… Getting their slowly… King size beds just are not available. ? So, for all of us in a sadly GFT deficient life, keep going! Your GFTs give the rest of us hope!
Diana
February 23, 2016 @ 2:32 pm
We all seriously want to know what the GFT is!!!! I can’t wait until it is revealed.
One more thing. Do you have a kitchen yet? I kept wondering how you got through the holidays with hordes of people coming to share a holiday meal and no kitchen.
Love your sense of humor! I wait to read your blog when I can savor it.
Fl!p Breskin
February 23, 2016 @ 2:53 pm
Keep the ottoman! It’s fabulous. Also, in terms of functionality, there should be two places to flop down and relax, preferably both of them comfortable. Right now it looks like you’ve still got two. I’ve actually drooled over your ottoman, but I live on the far side of the country. I think it is at least a Very Oversize Fancy Thing, compared to a standard ottoman. I cover my couches with cool but inexpensive old oriental rugs off craigslist. If I could afford it, I’d get them re-upholstered with the old rugs. Tho those are probably also not cruelty free… But a lady’s gotta lounge.
Kate S.
February 23, 2016 @ 3:43 pm
Keep ramping up the anticipation and I might be willing to donate outright to your GFT fund just to find out what this mystery object in Arkansas actually is! Call me impatient, but I actually took the time to look at all of the antiques and furniture listed for sale on Craigslist in the state of Arkansas and couldn’t only find two possible contenders–neither really seems to be your style or expensive enough to justify selling off everything you own, so I’m hoping you’ve already bought this mystery piece and am anxiously awaiting a reveal.
Diane
February 23, 2016 @ 3:43 pm
A new post from VEB? That’s my signal to DROP EVERYTHING and run, do not walk! to the computer. I love your posts and the shared joy of the hunt. CANNOT WAIT for the new/next GFT!! Thank you for sharing your life with us. You bring big smiles and the shared laughter of recognizing ourselves. (I don’t think GFTs exist in Oklahoma so we live vicariously!)
Ellen Kelly
February 23, 2016 @ 3:45 pm
Are you looking at Craigslist Philadelphia? I rarely find anything. Ellen
Kathleen
February 23, 2016 @ 3:59 pm
One of the most exhilarating days of my life was when I discovered a RH Outlet an hour from my home. I still look with love at my $500 chair that I snagged for $60 in an uber sale there.
One of the most depressing days for me was when they closed that store last year. I am still annoyed they did that as I now have to drive to Canada for the nearest one. Sigh.
Margy
February 23, 2016 @ 4:43 pm
How’s the kitchen coming along? Dying for an update!! (Great deal on that RH couch, BTW. no time to waste thinking of practicality when something so pretty falls at your feet… You get that puppy home, and then figure it out! Everyone knows THAT!)