Elvis has left the building.
We put Elvis to sleep last Tuesday.
It was time.
She had not been eating well and she just wound down and down… Even after Paul had a very serious conversation where he explained to her: earth is for eaters; if you don’t eat, you can’t stay… nonconformists will not be tolerated.
The hospice vet came to the house in the morning. We held her on our bed, on her favorite blanket. We told her that she didn’t have to be afraid, and that we loved her more than anything, and she will always still be here, right in our hearts, forever.
Elvis’s head was on my shoulder when she died. I hope she didn’t know what was happening.
An hour later we took her to be cremated.
We took her all the way to the machine because my heart hurt to think of her being alone, or with strangers; and I wanted to be with her as far as I could… I don’t think she knows any of that. But it mattered a lot to me.
Then we waited for her ashes and took her back home.
She’s got a little shrine right now, with lots of flowers from the garden, and her fuzzy ball, and the small dish of whiskers she shed/I found over the last 12 years.
It’s on the spot on the rug where she would RUN, as soon as you walked in the door; she would start doing her aerobics because she was so excited that you were going to pet her… At night she comes upstairs to the bedside table.
When I’m ready she’ll get moved to the Elvis Memorial Library. (Previously known as Cleveland bookcase)
For twelve years, Elvis was basically half of myself, so I expected to be sad. Really sad. Debilitatingly sad. But I didn’t understand the actual FRANTIC physical sensation of missing her. Wanting to pick her up and feel her fur and talk to her and hear her purry chirp.
And I would like to say officially: THIS IS A HORRIBLE SYSTEM.
How has humanity not just curled up and died from incurable loss?
I literally do not comprehend how people survive when it is human family.
I’ve been camped out in my tent of sadness… it was really unmanageable at first— the tent kept collapsing and trying to suffocate me.
But I think now I’ve got it packed into something more wheelbarrow-sized, which is nice and convenient because it’s portable, so when you have a breakdown outside your house, you have all the supplies.
Making this video was helpful, but also so sad… I can’t believe she’s really gone.
*If you can’t watch the video, try reloading the page, or being sure that you aren’t inside of the Facebook app… it seems to break the video.
I miss everything about her. Our conversations. Her smell. Her chirp. Her smoochy face. Her white feeties. Her wompy ear.
But I know she had a wonderful life and THE MOST LOVE, and that’s really the best that any of us can hope for in this life.
Laurie Eme
August 9, 2016 @ 10:20 am
I am so sorry. I, too, don’t get it. This living frailty.
Beth
August 9, 2016 @ 10:21 am
I am so very, very sorry for your loss.
Judy
August 9, 2016 @ 10:21 am
What a beautiful, melancholy video. I’m sorry for your pain, but it just proves how very much loved Elvis was. And your description of grief is so achingly accurate. I wish you peace in the days ahead.
Amanda
August 9, 2016 @ 10:21 am
I’m so sorry to hear about Elvis. It’s never easy to lose a pet, especially one that has been a part of your life for so long. My 13-year old Shelley is going through the same thing. She has good days and bad days and I’m just trying to maintain some sense of normalcy for her while preparing myself for the inevitable. Nothing heals like time, and time is the only thing that heals grief.
Nine Dark Moons
August 9, 2016 @ 10:21 am
I’m so sorry to hear about Elvis. the video (of course) made me cry, so I’m sitting here at work crying for Elvis, but that’s OK. Beautiful video. Beautiful cat. Beautiful Soul. May she rest in peace and be forever in your hearts. *HUGS*
Laurie
August 9, 2016 @ 10:21 am
So, so sorry for your loss. When we have a lot of love to give, be it to our human family or our animal family, our hearts get broken. She was an extraordinary kitty and friend. How wonderful to have been loved as she was, and what a gift that you are someone who can love so wholeheartedly.
Good thoughts for you to be comforted by your great memories of such a special pet.
Vikki
August 9, 2016 @ 10:21 am
Couldn’t watch all the video…got stuff in my eyes. You said it all with “THE MOST LOVE.” Fill the void with one needing a loving home. xxoo Vikki in VA
JeanFB
August 9, 2016 @ 10:22 am
I’m so very sorry for your loss. Elvis was clearly an extraordinary kitty and companion. I’ve loved your stories about her, and your video was wonderful. All the best for you as you go through this very sad part of life.
Amie B
August 9, 2016 @ 10:23 am
Victoria and Paul, there is no consolation when one loses a family member, no matter how small, no matter how long we had with them. I have been there and can say that while it is never 100% ok or the same, the sense of loss and grief does lessen over time and there will come a day when you can remember without tears. Elvis will always be in your heads and hearts.
Jean
August 9, 2016 @ 10:23 am
I’m at work in tears now after reading about Elvis. Losing my cat after 17 years together was devastating. Cat people all understand your sorrow.
Lynn
August 9, 2016 @ 10:23 am
Well now I’m blotting tears from my eyes at my desk at work – yet ANOTHER downside to these darn open floorplan modern offices.
So sorry to hear about Elvis but I know she knew how loved she was. Give your sadness some time and the wheelbarrow full of it will eventually get smaller and smaller.
Lacy Robinson
August 9, 2016 @ 10:24 am
Fly high, Elvis. Hope youre playing with all the catnip mice in the sky. Victoria, you’ll see him again one day on the rainbow bridge.
Lacy Robinson
August 9, 2016 @ 10:25 am
Sorry, her. My brain isn’t working this early.
Carole @ Emu Joy
August 9, 2016 @ 10:25 am
Crying…
Dana
August 9, 2016 @ 10:25 am
This is heartbreaking. I’m so sorry.
Leslie Cavell
August 9, 2016 @ 10:25 am
Dear Victoria,
My heart hurts for you, Paul and Elvis. What a wonderful life you gave her and she is now with the cosmos. My one question is, as human kind is so intelligent, why we have not found a way to have our pets lives extended to match our own lives? Saying goodbye to my pets is always heart wrenching and I always think I cannot go through it again. Then someone will call me with a little one that needs a home and I am off again in kitty love. I celebrate with you Elvis’s very special life and the love you shared together.
Leslie Cavell
Helen Glenn
August 9, 2016 @ 10:26 am
Oh boo. It never never never gets any easier, does it? Sigh. <3 =^..^= =^..^= <3
Lora Cotton
August 9, 2016 @ 10:26 am
I am SO SORRY for your loss! I too have felt the grief you are experiencing, though I admit I’m a -gasp- Dog person! If you have never heard of the Rainbow bridge, I urge you – when you are ready because IT WILL MAKE YOU CRY – visit http://www.rainbowsbridge.com. (Yes, the addy is “rainbows”.). It is a BEAUTIFUL poem designed to help us fur-parents deal with our loss. This site also has other info to help us cope. The pain will ease, but will never go away for us, UNTIL we make the journey to retrieve our fur-kids from Rainbow valley. Embrace your grief, don’t let ANYONE tell you “it was just a ….” (Cat, dog, horse, pig, whatever! They were your baby!) Soon, you will be able to call her memory to mind and SMILE – maybe thru tears at times, but you WILL be able to remember and SMILE!
Jamie
August 9, 2016 @ 10:27 am
Love and hugs.
Wanda
August 9, 2016 @ 10:27 am
Moon River was a perfect choice for her memorial video. I feel your pain.
Melissa
August 9, 2016 @ 10:28 am
I’m so sorry for your loss. Losing a beloved pet is incredibly tough. It’s been happening a lot this year to my friends and my collection of “pet sympathy cards” far outweighs my “people sympathy cards” right now. If it wasn’t stalker-ish, I’d send you a card. Rest in peace Elvis.