A totally unscientific explanation for impulse purchases.
This is a departure from anything remotely house, garden, or craigslist-related.
I’m sorry if this disappoints you.
But:
- This is my blog.
- It was this, or nothing.
- I was afraid to choose nothing, since I live in perpetual fear that you will forget about me and move on to someone younger with better giveaways.
- I apologize for the annoying filters I used on the photos. It’s one of those things where you think a trend is incredibly stupid, but then see so much of it that it becomes weirdly appealing.
This transition from grotesque-trend-that-should-be-banned, to mysterious-overnight-need-for-exact-repulsive-trend-purchase has not yet clad me in skinny jeans or peplum, and I am thankful for that.
So. We’ve established that I love anything giant, odd, fancy, and generally too large to fit in my house–an aesthetic that used to apply to my fashion sense too.
But in the last five years, my vanity has been eroded by my laziness.
This decline in giving-a-shit-about-how-I-look is a huge timesaver, but also accompanied by the sad consequence of technically not needing to buy fancy outfits.
Because:
- I will not wear them.
- It is a well-known fact that elastic-waist pants and flip-flops are superior to every other form of attire.
- I would rather save the money for whatever massively awesome, useless piece of salvage the universe has in store for me.
But once in a while I see something.
And my raccoon brain is like—I MUST HAVE THAT.
Even though I KNOW it’s a ridiculous purchase… Even though I KNOW I’ll only wear it four times… Even though I KNOW I’ll find it restrictive and itchy and clanky… It doesn’t matter. Because the raccoon gets all rabid and is like, I will BITE you, if you don’t buy me that.
If you too suffer from Raccoon-In-Head syndrome, you are familiar with this.
It was a ridiculous price. But I COULD NOT leave without it.
Plus, it was embarrassing to try to hug it through the glass.
So I bought it.
If I told you how much it was, you would think I was insane. But as of this post, it’s sold out so let’s pretend it was a normal price.
By the time I was halfway home, I realized that I could make my own version with the box of vintage pins I hoard uselessly… who wears pins? No one. So after I bought this chain, I had everything I needed to make my own, way-less-awesome necklace.
I’d like to say that I’m returning the one I bought… but the raccoon is still licking it. Plus, lets be serious— it’s called an impulse purchase, because your impulse is to keep it.
Also, in this case it was called– overwhelmed/trying to buy 5 seconds of stress-relief/Versailles was not for sale.
I had SUCH a crap day last week, that I felt close to the brink.
The brink of what? I don’t know. Whatever that is when you feel overwhelmed and close to crying hysterically/tearing your hair out.
But ALSO LIKE YOU ARE ON FIRE WITH RAGE.
And the necklace was some knee-jerk reaction to just BUY five seconds of OTHERNESS.
To just think about something else.
Even though I could go LOOK IN MY CLOSET at all the otherness I’ve ALREADY purchased. And be reminded that it’s only a brief respite…
Although, if you’re going to be on fire with rage, I guess you might as well be wearing a really nice necklace.
Also, I need to tell you how there was a time when I thought this blog was going to garner me a nice side-paycheck AND free swag.
Which? Hello? WHO IS STEALING MY SWAG?
But now I feel differently. I feel this is a revolution.
A redefining of militant—to include shiny things and abolish khaki and berets.
But also a very anxiety-riddled revolution. Where I worry that I will disappoint you. Where I worry that you will tire of me. Where I worry about the responsibility of coming up with new and entertaining things EVERY WEEK.
And where I envy the revolutionaries who came before social media… I doubt Karl Marx woke his husband in the middle of the night to tell him his greatest fear—that he would never get 100,000 “likes” on Facebook.
I will love you EVEN MORE… if you share me with your friends.
July 24, 2013 @ 9:07 am
I lie awake at night worrying that I will never be as funny as you.
For the record, I DO wear pins. But I don’t think most people do. Adore both your necklaces.
July 24, 2013 @ 9:52 am
To me, Victoria Elizabeth your are a Divine Creature! I laugh with you, at you, and love your blog~ Your honest and that in itself is so refreshing~ But I must say, what the hell where you thinking when you bought that thing~ the necklace, I mean. It is so grotesque and heavy looking on your beautiful, thin neck! It takes away from your beauty! I get the whole big, gaudy, gotta have it, I really do, I am with you on that, but that thing looks like it might come alive and give you whiplash and bite marks! Yikes! However that being said, I absolutely LOVE your idea so much better! You shoulda just went over to the thrift store after you saw that gaudy thing and purchased your vintage pins and chains and went on your merry way home to start creating the beautiful vintage necklace that I am quite sure, Tiffany’s woulda bought from you to sell in their store! It is absolutely beautiful and looks so much better on your beautiful, thin neck! I would march right back to the store where you purchased that thing and demand your money back and then show them how yours is so much prettier and cheaper than the one they have! You should now open your own jewelry store and start designing away! Love you <3
July 24, 2013 @ 10:11 am
oh gosh, I only ‘just’ discovered you but love you already so much – and MY racoon is jumping in wild circles every time he/she meets his/her bros/sis-in-spirit….
you are so def the best thing since sliced bread (which I don’t eat – I’m eating wholesome bread…) !!!!
TONS OF LOVE from nearby Paris
Kiki
July 24, 2013 @ 11:38 am
Hello!
Please don’t worry about the muse drying up, you are obviously gifted with
sponaneity and your thought processes dance to the stimulation of visual grand sparkle.
I always tell my husband when I come home with something new (for the home) that
women have a strong nesting instinct and they always have to have a twig in their beaks.
That’s my rationale for my acquisitiveness anyway.
July 24, 2013 @ 12:00 pm
Keep worrying, bunny — we love it.
July 24, 2013 @ 3:15 pm
I have an extreme perversion for old jewelry, and treasure all my gawdy old jewelry from my Grandma. I rarely wear any of it – nor any of my own jewelry that runs the gamut from pretty nice to “what was I thinking”. Doesn’t matter, I like having it and looking at it, and wishing I was going somewhere to wear it.
July 24, 2013 @ 5:15 pm
You are a darling person, and I just subscribed to your blog. I will totally read anyone who can explain impulse shopping behavior in a way that makes sense. Thank you.
July 24, 2013 @ 7:07 pm
I added you to my list of subscribed blogs because I love the way you write. The topic doesn’t matter to me when your voice is so strong. So all I ask is that you keep blogging, and I’ll eagerly await whatever you choose to natter on about next, ok? Deal? (p.s., I have the same fear about our blog. I pretty much feel like Liz and I are talking only to ourselves. But at least it’s fun, right?)
July 25, 2013 @ 12:18 pm
What a great idea. I have a bunch of my grandmother’s old jewelry and have been wondering what I should do with it…now I know!
July 25, 2013 @ 1:14 pm
Of course you are undeniably entertaining, that’s no secret. But you know what else I love about your wit? It’s honest!!! You voice the things we all fear and contemplate. So refreshing!! ( and I never enter the giveaways anyway! 😉
XO,
Christy
July 25, 2013 @ 2:01 pm
I swear every time I read your posts….I fall off my chair laughing! I love everyone of them…
I love your style… and the fact you are not afraid to be yourself. Keep it up!
July 25, 2013 @ 2:44 pm
Awesome…just awesome. I’m feeling another link-up…a shiny-off of sorts. I want to see what all these lovely commenters come up with to try to out sparkle you! I’d link glassware. I love glassware. So much sparkle and so little use. But I just want it to have a good home….
July 25, 2013 @ 3:31 pm
I have purchase so many beautiful, sparkly broaches to wear with my “winter” clothes, on the one week (give or take a couple of hours) that we get winter here in the desert southwest. I now need jewelry pliers so that I can wear my sparkly hoard the rest of the year.
July 25, 2013 @ 3:47 pm
Victoria, Dahhhling,
The necklace from Banana Republic is, in a word, gaudy. The necklace you made, however, is beautiful and tasteful! My raccoon is now satisfied with sparkly nail polish….it’s a lot cheaper and calms the beast!!
July 25, 2013 @ 6:49 pm
First of all I cannot believe how many comments you get! I have a little blog that people read and then just email me their comments – usually about 18 not 143! So if you don’t get around to reading this I totally understand. I have been reading your blog since a friend emailed me the “Kingdom Mirror” Post. She said while she was reading it, she wasn’t picturing you and your husband, but me and mine. My husband and I have had many adventures similar – I usually travel 100’s of miles away from home and find amazing treasures that we have to go back for and typically can’t fit into any vehicle we (or anyone we know) own. After that post, I read every post you have written. I felt akin to you, but never felt the need to comment. Until TODAY. It’s the strangest thing…I have long compared myself to a raccoon – attracted and distracted by bright shiny objects! People usually laugh and look at me like I’m a little off – but no one has ever understood it at all, until you! It is so wonderful to finally meet someone who gets me. Thanks for sharing all your stories and please keep writing. What ever it is, I will read it and laugh with you.
Thanks – Jamie
PS – That Halloween costume – I don’t think it is a costume. You look Marvelous! If I owned those pieces, I would wear them every day – maybe replace the pumps with pink open toe house shoes periodically throughout the day. 🙂
July 25, 2013 @ 8:07 pm
Well, when it comes to *collecting* (ahem, impulse buying) crunchy, sparkly, exceptionally large pieces of jewelry, my friends and I think of ourselves as, “hamsters” [technically “hamster” is derived from the German verb “hamstern” which means “to hoard”] Hamsters, raccoons, hoarders, collectors, compulsive shoppers . . . it’s all good blog material.
Long story short, I look forward to reading all of your posts – house related or otherwise.
Love all the comments from your readers too; you have an exceptionally bright, entertaining rabid fan base!
July 26, 2013 @ 11:37 am
Oh thanks! Now I’m going to be looking for those brooches thinking I can make those, and I’ll end up with a bag full of them and later wonder what I was thinking. *thinking of that bag of rhinestone earrings that were to be mounted on flat charms and made into bracelets*
Val
July 27, 2013 @ 1:53 am
I can’t decide which I love more, your DIY necklace or your blog comments. That. Was. Awesome.
You have a new fan.
July 27, 2013 @ 11:50 am
I like the one you made better. Wonder how hard it is to get raccoon slobber out of all those little pieces?
July 29, 2013 @ 2:11 am
You will never disappoint me, because you don’t write about all the precious things your perfect children do or worthless DIY that makes me feel bad about myself and my decorating abilities. (And if somehow you had children, it would still be awesome and I would still read it.) Your blog is a massive breath of fresh air- write about whatever you want. I will read it.