A totally unscientific explanation for impulse purchases.
This is a departure from anything remotely house, garden, or craigslist-related.
I’m sorry if this disappoints you.
But:
- This is my blog.
- It was this, or nothing.
- I was afraid to choose nothing, since I live in perpetual fear that you will forget about me and move on to someone younger with better giveaways.
- I apologize for the annoying filters I used on the photos. It’s one of those things where you think a trend is incredibly stupid, but then see so much of it that it becomes weirdly appealing.
This transition from grotesque-trend-that-should-be-banned, to mysterious-overnight-need-for-exact-repulsive-trend-purchase has not yet clad me in skinny jeans or peplum, and I am thankful for that.
So. We’ve established that I love anything giant, odd, fancy, and generally too large to fit in my house–an aesthetic that used to apply to my fashion sense too.
But in the last five years, my vanity has been eroded by my laziness.
This decline in giving-a-shit-about-how-I-look is a huge timesaver, but also accompanied by the sad consequence of technically not needing to buy fancy outfits.
Because:
- I will not wear them.
- It is a well-known fact that elastic-waist pants and flip-flops are superior to every other form of attire.
- I would rather save the money for whatever massively awesome, useless piece of salvage the universe has in store for me.
But once in a while I see something.
And my raccoon brain is like—I MUST HAVE THAT.
Even though I KNOW it’s a ridiculous purchase… Even though I KNOW I’ll only wear it four times… Even though I KNOW I’ll find it restrictive and itchy and clanky… It doesn’t matter. Because the raccoon gets all rabid and is like, I will BITE you, if you don’t buy me that.
If you too suffer from Raccoon-In-Head syndrome, you are familiar with this.
It was a ridiculous price. But I COULD NOT leave without it.
Plus, it was embarrassing to try to hug it through the glass.
So I bought it.
If I told you how much it was, you would think I was insane. But as of this post, it’s sold out so let’s pretend it was a normal price.
By the time I was halfway home, I realized that I could make my own version with the box of vintage pins I hoard uselessly… who wears pins? No one. So after I bought this chain, I had everything I needed to make my own, way-less-awesome necklace.
I’d like to say that I’m returning the one I bought… but the raccoon is still licking it. Plus, lets be serious— it’s called an impulse purchase, because your impulse is to keep it.
Also, in this case it was called– overwhelmed/trying to buy 5 seconds of stress-relief/Versailles was not for sale.
I had SUCH a crap day last week, that I felt close to the brink.
The brink of what? I don’t know. Whatever that is when you feel overwhelmed and close to crying hysterically/tearing your hair out.
But ALSO LIKE YOU ARE ON FIRE WITH RAGE.
And the necklace was some knee-jerk reaction to just BUY five seconds of OTHERNESS.
To just think about something else.
Even though I could go LOOK IN MY CLOSET at all the otherness I’ve ALREADY purchased. And be reminded that it’s only a brief respite…
Although, if you’re going to be on fire with rage, I guess you might as well be wearing a really nice necklace.
Also, I need to tell you how there was a time when I thought this blog was going to garner me a nice side-paycheck AND free swag.
Which? Hello? WHO IS STEALING MY SWAG?
But now I feel differently. I feel this is a revolution.
A redefining of militant—to include shiny things and abolish khaki and berets.
But also a very anxiety-riddled revolution. Where I worry that I will disappoint you. Where I worry that you will tire of me. Where I worry about the responsibility of coming up with new and entertaining things EVERY WEEK.
And where I envy the revolutionaries who came before social media… I doubt Karl Marx woke his husband in the middle of the night to tell him his greatest fear—that he would never get 100,000 “likes” on Facebook.
I will love you EVEN MORE… if you share me with your friends.
July 23, 2013 @ 2:18 pm
I love the DIY necklace more than the other. Very pretty!
July 23, 2013 @ 2:23 pm
Love this. Totally relate to trading in vanity for laziness. A win-win for sure.
July 23, 2013 @ 2:29 pm
1. I set up a bloglovin’ account just so that I could keep track of you regardless of how frequently or infrequently you post.
2. I check to see if you have a new post first (and you are “last” alphabetically in my list so that means I do extra work to find you
3. I squeal with delight when there is a 1 by your name on said bloglovin list and immediately read it first
4. I love your necklace WAY more
5. I don’t have a Raccoon in my brain. I have a Magpie. She can spot not just any sparkly thing but THE MOST EXPENSIVE sparkly thing in any store or boutique in less than 3 seconds and shrieks hysterically in her Magpie voice until I buy this shiny and expensive thing.
6. This post made me concerned that you have actually been holding back on us because you thought we only cared about your house. Hello? Knock that off right this minute and write whatever you want because it will be awesome.
July 24, 2013 @ 9:38 am
Yes! What she said in #6!
July 23, 2013 @ 2:42 pm
Hey there, remember, dont try TOO hard to write for an audience, its sorta like when people are trying to get pregnant and its all they focus on and it doesnt happen, then they finally give up and leave it alone and then BAM, BABY! Just be you, k?
July 23, 2013 @ 2:51 pm
I love everything about this, and immediately thought of two friends who MUST read it, because they will too. Never stop writing!
July 23, 2013 @ 2:52 pm
Love both necklaces! Very shiny and fun and perfect conversation pieces to wear to blogging conferences. 🙂
July 23, 2013 @ 3:06 pm
ah….raccoon in the head, huh? Down here in Louisiana we call it alligator scare. You never know when you might run into an alligator so the best thing is to get what you want, when you want. Of course, if you do happen to run into an alligator before you get what you want, we call that bad JuJu. Lol.
By the way, I feel your craigslist pain and I’m not leaving you either. I am reading and learning from everything you post. Someday, I hope my blog has as big a following as yours does.
And your necklace is obviously superior to the ‘store-bought’ one!
July 23, 2013 @ 3:08 pm
Your creation is by far the better.
If I were to pass you on the street wearing it, I’d probably debase myself by offering to buy it straight off your swan-like neck.
July 23, 2013 @ 3:16 pm
Also, you might want to Google Paula Montgomery On (re)Purpose. No affiliation at all, I just love her stuff.
I myself would be thrilled whatever topics you venture off to…be it marital advice, the appalling lack of stylish, comfortable clothes, or this trend of wearing bizarre colors of finger nail polish on very short nails.
July 23, 2013 @ 3:27 pm
i can’t ever leave you, you are the part of my start up page. i check you, just to see what chaos/order there is in your life.
like mini-me, you complete me.
lol
plus i live vicariously through you and your ‘adventures’
July 23, 2013 @ 3:44 pm
NOW I know what to do with all of my mom’s pins that I just couldn’t bear to give away! (1940s style)
July 23, 2013 @ 3:46 pm
Morning sunshine!…I got up at 5am as the racoon was scrambling around in my grey matter making room for new things….anythings…and found this post by you. As many have said before me, I like your version of the necklace better…I especially love the biggish blue pins on either side at the top, and the pink one near the center…..and the liking is exponential as you add them together!……also love the cardi with the ruffly trim. Having said this, you are 2 feet taller than me and I am 2 feet wider than you so i think you would carry it off with more aplomb. ….AND….With your looks, cigarette pants, simple top ( yes I know you might struggle with simple!)and the huge jewells = glamourpuss +…….love your work girl! xx
July 23, 2013 @ 3:50 pm
The raccoon in my head loves giant/odd/fancy housewares and jewelry as well. And I have plenty of both to prove it.
Love the BR original, and your original creation. Now, I must be going; I’m off to troll through my grandma’s costume jewelry for some pins…
July 23, 2013 @ 4:06 pm
Love it! Love your necklace more! Agreed, write about anything you wish. I will read it. I will laugh. I will feel more connected. It will make my life a little brighter. Yep!
July 23, 2013 @ 4:20 pm
Love your stories, love your style….along with your humor and that beautiful cat. No pressure from me. Just post when you have something (anything) to say…or even when you don’t. I don’t care…..I’ll be here, no matter what!!
I find that I’m also compelled to read all the comments on each post as well. The fun never ends over here!
July 23, 2013 @ 4:44 pm
Why don’t I just have my medical records transferred to you? You have nailed my problem and finally given a name to my illness. Raccoon -In- Head syndrome! Why couldn’t anyone else figure this out? I LOVE your blog and have shared you with many of my friends, who now think I’m wonderful for finding you. I will never leave you, you make my day. My hubby finds your antics quite entertaining, and he sympathizes with Paul, because I do the same thing to him with all of my home remodeling plans. It has become our joke when I find something I want him to build, or add to our current kitchen remodel, or just ask if “this” could be done in our kitchen (this being maybe taller ceilings, adding 10ft to the kitchen, knocking down walls, you get the general idea) I say, “Paul” can I show you something? He knows he’s about to see some dream kitchen in the Hamptons that is 4000 square ft. LOL Oh, my zinnias are absolutely breathtaking.
July 23, 2013 @ 5:09 pm
Are you kidding me? Forget you? That will never happen!!! You are the light in my otherwise boring, ho-hum life!! And when you don’t post, I just peruse other posts and read again and smile and laugh. Other than you and the new royal baby, there is just not that much in this world to smile about anymore!! I love you!
July 23, 2013 @ 5:10 pm
All day…..50 or 60 emails about this post. I forgot that I checked the box to notify me of follow-up comments by email. I should have known better.
I now have this mental picture of you trying to keep your doors locked while all of us are outside begging for you to come out. Now that you’ve got us hooked……..you can run, but you cannot hide.
I feel like we’re all members of Victoria Eta Beta. I’m proud to pledge.
July 23, 2013 @ 6:25 pm
I think we might be psychic twins. I did the very same thing with a very similar necklace or make that necklaces because I always buy two of everything. And what was the outcome of said purchases? One I never wear because it is scratchy and uncomfortable and the second one broke after exactly two wearings. I definitely had buyer’s remorse.
As for my style, yes I think elastic pants and flip flops are perfect wardrobe staples!
July 23, 2013 @ 6:49 pm
Actually, I really prefer YOUR version of the Sparkly, Shiny, Outrageous Necklace 🙂 Thanks for the entertainment !