Christmas decorating… Part one.
Christmas is to bloggers, what tax season is to accountants.
Except with whimsy, and extravagance, and the need to not do anything anyone else is doing, and with the requirement to have 57,000 ideas that people will want to make and pin and share.
Ideas that will make people envy your home, your creativity, and your general existence on this planet… An existence that has somehow allotted you the free time to create your remarkable home, with your extraordinary creativity, with ease and joy and merriment and not wanting to stab yourself.
I would have liked to opt-out of that. But I got invited to participate in a holiday-home blog-tour and it made me look around and realize other bloggers are winning Christmas.
And because I am petty and childish, I find that unacceptable.
If there is a competition, I must be the winner.
Especially if that competition is empty and meaningless.
So I snorted some glitter and ordered a truckload of garland. When I filled out the order form, it said – choose your ship date. I typed– yesterday.
The Christmas house tour also clued me in to the secret of REALLY good-looking greenery: you need MORE. I cannot explain why I needed this demonstrated to me, rather than knowing it intuitively… But I am compensating for my past mistakes.
When Paul came home, he said – how was your day?
I said – GREAT! I ordered 200 feet of evergreen garland.
Paul said – 200 feet?
I said – yes. It will be an EXPLOSION of Evergreen. A lush, wintry forest of magic and Wonderland and sap all over everything.
Paul said – you found someone to MAIL you 200 feet of evergreen garland?
I said – yes! That is the beauty of the internet. YOU CAN HAVE EVERYTHING DELIVERED.
Paul said – do you even know how long 200 feet is? That is MORE than twice the length of our house.
I said – yes. I wanted to be sure I had ENOUGH. And if there is any left over, I will craft it into mini wreaths! Wreaths for windows! Wreaths for doors!
Then I told him –I also ordered a POUND of German glass glitter.
(Which you will be seeing twelve posts about shortly.)
And I bought four yards of taffeta.
WHICH I WILL SEW INTO GLORIOUS BOWS.
Then I smiled, all crazy-eyed and whispered in my just-escaped-from-the-lunatic-asylum-voice:
IT IS GOING TO BE A HOLIDAY EXTRAVAGANZA.
Paul said – right. It sounds like a nervous breakdown extravaganza to me.
So if you got this far, and are actually reading, not just looking at the pictures… I consider you my friend. And therefore will invite you to watch my debut on national television me make a bow on a Google+ hangout.
It is for a site called Hometalk. They are fairly new, kind of a cross between the social aspects of a chatboard and the practical aspects of Pinterest. They are doing a video about holiday decorating ideas and they asked me to do a demonstration of my post about how to make a bow.
And I have learned something already: when invited to do a video – IMMEDIATELY ASK IF YOU CAN GO FIRST.
Someone beat me to that, so I am second. And I am hoping the first demonstration goes wildly awry so that in comparison I look extra competent.
It would be great if she could accidentally light something on fire.
Update: here is the video. I am at 10:00. I talk too much and do not even realize that Elvis is cleaning herself inappropriately. Also, I refer to Paul as long-suffering. What I MEANT to say was– he is extremely lucky.
I was actually reluctant to invite you to watch me make a bow and I considered not mentioning it at all, but I am pretty sure that is not the correct way to promote myself.
I am someone who requires a lot of editing, and I am far, far, far better on paper than in person… It is certain that I will say something idiotic. Or catapult myself into the Christmas tree.
My biggest concern is the likelihood that I cannot make a bow and talk at the same time. (Not to mention how I do not even understand how to use Google+ and I need to get on that before 2 o’clock this afternoon.)
It also seems possible that my bow-making skills will fail me and I will be revealed as a fraud.
If this sounds interesting to you, here is the Google event page. You do not need to have a Google account or anything… Just show up today at 2 o’clock.
It is exactly like watching a video on YouTube. Except, it is live. So if I make up a spur-of-the-moment song about bows, there will be no erasing it from eternity on the internet.
see all my holiday decorating ideas
December 3, 2013 @ 10:11 am
I love this post! And I love your 200 feet of garland. It. is. beautiful!
December 3, 2013 @ 10:12 am
I love the greenery. One cannot have too much greenery – unless it makes one trip and fall unbecomingly down the stairs, of course.
Which is not your gig. 🙂
I am so pleased you’re doing a video!!! You’re fabulous and I look forward to your continued rise in popularity. 😀
December 3, 2013 @ 10:13 am
Your home is stunning as always!!! I LOVE all the greenery and who knew there was a difference! 😉 (and the mirror is still fabulous too!!)
Love your wit and humor…thanks for the great read! And I did one of those videos awhile back for Hometalk…and managed to not make a complete fool of myself!lol (of course that’s debatable! 😉 )
I’ll be watching!
Nancy
December 3, 2013 @ 10:14 am
I don’t know what you do for a living in your “real life,” but I hope you are a writer, because you have an amazing way of putting words together and creating the most outstanding sentences.
I just know without thinking your home will be fantastic and magical and beautiful and you will win first prize by a landslide of whatever contest you enter!!!!!
December 3, 2013 @ 10:18 am
I am your friend, because I read the entire post! ha! 🙂 Actually, your writing is what I love about your blog! The garland looks lush and gorgeous!
December 3, 2013 @ 10:20 am
We have way too much in common… right up to the point where you actually DO the things you tell yourself you will do. I, on the other hand, make compulsive lists of things I am going to do right away. Then I do nothing. Well, that’s a lie. I snack. But only if snacks are easily accessible to me.
Please tell me you have a maid. Or that Paul is an Obsessive-compulsive neat freak and he does it all. I really need to get to work on, well, anything around here.
December 3, 2013 @ 10:24 am
Feel free to send some extra over my way to Canada. And while you’re it, hire the Wizard from Oz to bring me your house too. XO
December 3, 2013 @ 10:26 am
I love how on the Google+ page you linked to, the other participants have these sweet orderly smiles, then we have you, in classic form, who looks like you have excitedly escaped your orderly. I can’t wait to watch. Please sing a song.
December 3, 2013 @ 9:26 pm
I just guffawed out loud (laughed out loud would have been too extreme an understatement and how GREAT is the word ‘guffaw’?!) at ‘escaped your orderly’. Thank you for the icing on the cake that is this post.
December 3, 2013 @ 10:27 am
You win. I must come and steal your white cabinet. What is you address? I know, creepy- blog -stalker. But look at it this way, you started it. I really need it. Look at it as charity for an antique dealer who sells all of her stuff, keeps nothing for herself but crappy projects that never get done. Love your blog. I know, you win and you like me even more. (I have shared you with others, more creepers, on the way.)
December 3, 2013 @ 10:34 am
You have just made my day! I laughed and laughed because I can so relate and then I went back and Oooo’d and Awe’d! Beautiful and so worth the garland effort! ~Christy
December 3, 2013 @ 10:37 am
It’s all beautiful, all 200 ft. of it, and you are so funny and smart. Hope you holidays are wonderful… 🙂 Trust me, Mom is looking down on your with pride. You got a lot more than just bow-making skills!
December 3, 2013 @ 10:43 am
You make this internet blog world marvelous! I drop whatever I am doing to read your newest post! I am in the process of decorating, so you have really inspired me! Maybe I need an overload of garland… 🙂
December 3, 2013 @ 10:48 am
I am in love with your live garland and agree that it looks a million times better than the faux stuff. I’ll bet that your home smells wonderful, too!
December 3, 2013 @ 10:51 am
Oh I hope you do burst into song, no pressure. Your home looks amazing as I totally expected. Came to see your tour this morning and since it wasn’t up yet, found myself reading about your best friend and about five other posts…stopping by here is sabotage for my to-do list! Your house looks fabulous!!!
December 3, 2013 @ 10:52 am
WOW! I was surprised when I saw the pictures of your beautiful home today. Last week your place was such a mess. (I was gratified to see that. Actually.) Just call me petty and childish. We should get along well. 🙂 Your house is really, really nice. How are you going to keep your visitors out of the kitchen? Also – Good Luck today!
December 3, 2013 @ 10:53 am
My Christmas preparations this year were a lot like yours–except instead of evergreen garland, ribbon. Yards and yards of ribbon to wrap around dozens and dozens of vintage wooden spools and spindles. And not just any ribbon–I made the proclamation that I would only use vintage ribbon… Because the $15+/yard (plus shipping…) vintage jacquard trim (from France!) is just so much fancier! It just is!
I have not stopped to calculate my total ribbon expenditure because math and budgeting do not mix well with fanciful Christmas cheer–but I am almost certain I spent more on ribbons and spools than on actual Christmas presents…
December 3, 2013 @ 10:59 am
You’ll be swell! You’ll be great!
Gonna have the whole world on the plate!
December 3, 2013 @ 11:01 am
You are a hysterically funny writer with a gift of self deprecation and self promotion at the same time. How is that even possible? Good luck on your hangout. You’ll be fine. Just don’t forget to go live 🙂
December 3, 2013 @ 11:08 am
Victoria,
Your house looks great, and yes, I did read every word. The idea for the mantle is inspired! Too bad I didn’t have it many Christmases ago, I forever have little nail holes in the top of my mantle to keep the garland, which is faux, from falling into the fire. I don’t want to hear that the 200 ft. of garland is dead by Christmas…let me know.
xo,
Karen
December 3, 2013 @ 11:09 am
Well, as I stand here feverishly cutting out my newly-inspired mantel extension board, the thought occurs to me that I almost never want to stab myself during these fits of creativity run amuck. The very real concern is preventing myself from stabbing those around me! Namely my wonderful, patience-of-Job husband as he either offers non-solicited advice, but more often wants to hand me a glass of wine (to wash down the Valium) and tell me to quit for the night. I am never sure if it’s my nerves he is looking to preserve, or his own. Either way, I plug forward and usually end up with excellent results. How my marriage of 36 years has endured these OCD fits of decorating, crafting, and repurposing, is a testament to the power of love… and more than a little prayer!
Beautiful garland; your home must smell like Christmas Heaven. I guess that artificial stuff I picked up at a yard sale last summer is going in a dumpster somewhere. I am German by heritage and didn’t even know we had our own version of glitter; must get some… yesterday.
See you at 2:00 o’clock!
December 5, 2013 @ 7:26 am
Husbands have to suffer through it all with us. I told mine to stop making comments as we were opening boxes in the garage. Need to get them out of there so we can get his car in. Moved recently. He wants me to toss everything. “That’s my stuff in there and I want it. Hush up, pub-leeze!” Him: “I can’t help it if an involuntary utterance slips out here and there.”