Once upon a time. Craigslist. The end… *video*
While watching yet another stranger enter our home and cart off some of our belongings, Paul said – I finally figured it out: that bookcase is clogs.
He is referencing a story that my parents love to tell:
Shortly before I turned four years old, my parents took me into a shop where I saw a pair of child-sized clogs… and with the conviction of Napoleon building his empire, I knew that THESE WERE MY CLOGS. And when my parents tried to leave the store WITHOUT MY CLOGS, they couldn’t. It was impossible.
They have difficulty putting into words, how a four-year-old child could be uncontrollable between two full-sized adults… and knowing my parents, I’m sure they told themselves this was evidence of my tenacity of spirt; not an indication that they had raised Satan himself.
I refused to leave the store, and eventually my parents were forced to show me that actually, they HAD bought the clogs. They were a surprise for my birthday.
Immediately, Satan retreated and I skipped out of the store.
Then I was fine waiting for the clogs… I would ask— how many days until my clogs? But I was ok, because I knew THEY WERE MINE. Then, once I got the clogs I wore them all of the time, even while sleeping.
I tell you this story to explain that I have an incredibly high capacity for liking something… long past anyone else’s tolerance or understanding.
When I like something, I LIKE IT. And I do not need to like anything else. And there is no chance that I will forget about the liking. And there is no chance I will move on from the liking.
Rather, I will devote all of my time and energy to liking it, EVEN WHILE I AM ASLEEP.
I first showed Paul this bookcase four months ago. He actually laughed out loud.
Then he looked at me seriously and tapped my forehead, three-inches above my eyebrow.
He said – this is where the horns come out.
Then he walked away.
I decided this was his endorsement; because if you know about my plan and you do not crush it wholeheartedly and with all of your force, and then present to me the carcass of my dreams, you must be in agreement.
With that cleared up, I was able to move forward.
I have done nothing but think, talk, and plan compulsively, for getting this bookcase.
For months, Paul has listened to me speak of nothing else.
My interest has not dulled or waned.
Rather, it has intensified.
As promised, I have sold all of our belongings… a simple trade: everything we own, in exchange for one single item of magnificence.
The problem with this particular magnificence was that it was several states away… I said this bookcase was in Arkansas (this was my decoy)… but it wasn’t.
I am sorry that I lied to you, but I was afraid that someone would go and buy what is rightfully mine.
This is one of the things I learned while working at the CIA: obfuscation.
My bookcase was in Cleveland.
Out of all the 900 possible issues, the biggest challenge was this: the inability to know FOR SURE if the bookcase came apart.
If you’ve followed my blog for a while, you will remember that every single one of these massive pieces of furniture dismantled down to nearly nothing and fit in the back of a minivan:
1. the portal to Narnia.
2. the Victorian bookcase.
3. the Empire cabinet.
On the other hand, it was equally possible that it wouldn’t come apart… in which case, we are moving a monstrous, solid piece of furniture that is nearly 150 years old and has three original glass doors.
Which is exactly what happened.
Now that it’s all over, I can admit this:
I assumed something would go horribly wrong, and I kept this certainty to myself.
Because I wouldn’t be there.
So it wouldn’t be my problem.
Last weekend, Paul drove to Cleveland. With my father. Without me. To load a truck with a 9’ tall, 6’ wide bookcase that I had only seen pictures of. While I stayed home, read up on Gilded Age mansion history, and brushed Elvis.
The plan:
1. Paul and my dad drive from Philadelphia directly to see bookcase.
2. determine if it comes apart = dictates size of truck Paul rents.
3. go to truck rental and reserve a truck for the following morning.
4. spend the evening with my cousin who lives in Cleveland.
5. pick up the truck first thing in the morning.
6. load the bookcase.
7. Paul drives truck home, Dad continues his trip to Indiana.
8. Paul is exempt from any wrongdoing for the rest of his existence.
9. my life is complete, I can stop looking on Craigslist, shut down my blog, and live a life of quiet solitude with my things.
I’ll end this post by acknowledging that I know what you are thinking:
HOW DID PAUL GET SO LUCKY IN LIFE?
No? That’s not what you are thinking?
I too was confused… so I asked him – WHY would you do this for me?
And he said – is it not a reasonable explanation that I love you and I want you to be happy?
Which sounds nice, doesn’t it? Except – no, I am really not that lovable.
If I evaluate myself honestly, I have very few redeeming qualities; most of which aren’t remotely valuable to anyone else and involve an appreciation for absurdly flamboyant and unnecessary situations… with extra points if costumes are involved.
So I don’t have a good answer, and I know I will get some comments in the vein of: Paul is a saint… and I’d like to point out that the logical progression to that suggestion is that I am his path to canonization.
April 12, 2016 @ 2:52 pm
Victoria:
The bookcase is magnificent and worth the wait. Paul is a saint for doing your bidding and basking in your glory–in that order. Glad to see Elvis.
I consulted with the All-knowing-And-Powerful Oz, and what follows is what was shared with me. Now for more truth…
In order for Self to continue to thrive, flourish, and exist, your excursions into Craigslist must continue. Craigslist is sustenance to Self; therefore, you must continue or Self will cease to exist. The nonexistence of Self will create a warp in the Time-Space Continuum, and the Earth will spin off its axis. In general, bad stuff will happen.
In addition, discontinuing your blog will deprive Followers of Your Blog of their joy and life’s blood, and they will vaporize and be no more. The wailing alone would be cataclysmic. Galaxies would collide, and stars would supernova…not a good time. Discontinuing Your Blog is not an option.
Of utmost importance, we get to see Elvis. ‘Nuff said.
Consider all these ramifications whenever toying with the idea of discontinuing your blog. Besides, we love you and can’t let you go.
April 12, 2016 @ 2:54 pm
You are a hoot and a holler! And a GET! (giant funny thing) Just started reading you and I think we’re twins *winks*
April 12, 2016 @ 2:56 pm
Oh for poops sake that should read GFT…..Lol!
April 12, 2016 @ 2:58 pm
OMG fabulous as is all you buy and do! I love your blog , home and all of your finds and what you do with them.– Very Inspiring!! You should try to get your own show on HGTV seriously it is so neat your home ,& your personality so fun! your home renovations. It would go over really well I feel!! xo
April 12, 2016 @ 3:00 pm
I love that you ALWAYS get what you want. And that it’s perfect for your space. ENJOY!
April 12, 2016 @ 3:10 pm
You make me laugh out loud at work. Thank you.
April 12, 2016 @ 3:13 pm
1st..I wonder how a person who is obviously a very unique,intelligent,talented and truly interesting human being to so many people can perceive herself as having no qualities of note. Unless that is an attempt to be modest and unassuming …not necessary and a waste of valuable writing space.
The piece is of cosmic significance in its beauty,craftsmanship and artistry and has found its rightful place again.
I must tell you, because you may not be aware of the expression on Miss Elvis..while you are grinning from ear to ear in giddy delight.she seems-suspended in air-to be projecting a rather uncomfortable awkward opinion of WTF is going on. ” I am normally cuddled in warm and loving arms.whats all this camera stuff?” If I wanted to be photographed I would have booked a Hollywood cinematographer as befits my magnificence. Take a look at her and tell me I’m wrong…..
April 12, 2016 @ 3:43 pm
OMG THE ” HOLY GRAIL”. CONGRATS?
April 12, 2016 @ 3:54 pm
It’s magnificent! Congrats on achieving what must be your own personal nirvana! Also, I’m guessing those are the much loved clogs?
April 12, 2016 @ 4:12 pm
I totally can relate to your thinking. It all makes sense to me and probably a lot of others reading your posts. Love you and your attitude and inspiration. Blessings
April 12, 2016 @ 4:45 pm
Love you, your bookcase and Paul for making it happen! I shared your video on Facebook because really I had to! Kisses for Elvis❤️?
April 12, 2016 @ 4:56 pm
That is simply the best bookcase.
April 12, 2016 @ 4:58 pm
You remind me of my mom, who would have been 100 on May 20. She had, what our family calls, “I Love Lucy Episodes.” My dad WAS a saint who loved her dearly and was the perfect counterbalance to her zaniness. Of their nearly 50 year marriage, he always said, “It might have been a headache, but it never was a bore.” We should all be so lucky! Enjoy your new possession, but enjoy your husband more.
April 12, 2016 @ 5:09 pm
Did you refinish or refurbish it in any way? It looks brand new. Congratulations!
April 12, 2016 @ 5:06 pm
I’m so glad Elvis gets to enjoy this GFT with you!
And I love that video so much I watched it twice.
April 12, 2016 @ 5:14 pm
Well, Victoria, now you must plan a vacation to Butte, Montana – of all places – to see the childhood home of Huguette Clark. The Clark Mansion is glorious and is now a bed and breakfast. The host gives gloriously detailed tours. Actually, while you’re in Montana, you might as well see the Moss Mansion in Billings, the Daly Mansion in Hamilton, and the Conrad Mansion in Kalispell. And while you’re at it, stop by Helena and see me for a while. We’ll drink lemonade under the elms and become forever friends. My husband already kinda thinks we’re sisters under the skin. I drive him crazy by occasionally reading your blog posts aloud, laughing all the while. He does not laugh. Come!
Oh, and by the way….delicious GFT. And kisses for Elvis.
April 12, 2016 @ 5:21 pm
But where did the kindgom mirror end up? It didn’t get sold during the purge, did it?
April 12, 2016 @ 5:36 pm
9 feet with lions’ heads? perfect definition of a GFT. Congratulations.
April 12, 2016 @ 5:38 pm
At last. It was worth the wait and suspense. I totally understand your single-minded devotion to the acquisition.
April 12, 2016 @ 5:41 pm
I am so happy! This is gorgeous! The decoy worried me a bit, it didn’t REALLY look like you. This on the other hand is perfection. And Elvis looks herself, which is the best. I just discovered your blog, read from the beginning, following you on FB and Twitter (which is as far as my tech skills go). You keep doing you. You have a wonderful community (for the most part), and you are loved for who you are.
April 12, 2016 @ 5:48 pm
100% worth it! Congrats on such a fabulous find!!