86 Comments

  1. Siouxie Q
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:14 am

    Chocolate. And a nap. That ought to fix you right up until Paul comes to his damn senses.

    Reply

    • Lori W.
      November 5, 2014 @ 10:35 am

      I was going to suggest booze, but chocolate and a nap works too!

      Reply

      • Sunnie Mitchell
        November 6, 2014 @ 6:53 am

        Booze and chocolate followed by a good nap works best of all. No need to ask how I know this:)

        Reply

  2. Dianne
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:16 am

    If Paul is up for grabs, I want him! 🙂
    Seriously, he needs to realize you are a genius and work on an entirely different level.

    Reply

  3. JudyBee
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:18 am

    And that, in a nutshell (or blog post), is what marriage is all about–trying hard not to be driven crazy by the other person. I’m in the middle of a kitchen remodel and my husband is the researcher and I am the decider. This has mostly worked out, THIS TIME. He gives me the options, and I make a decision. Sometimes he cares more than me, and sometimes I care more than him. Luckily, we stared all this 7 months ago so there has been plenty of time for his research and I met the goal of being done by Thanksgiving. It only took us 25 years to figure this out. I love your posts!!

    Reply

  4. Carole @ Rustic Artistry
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:21 am

    You guys need the sign I got for my husband:
    I’d agree with you but then we’d both be wrong.

    Reply

  5. Donna Marchlewski
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:26 am

    HaHaHa! You just make me smile in my heart 🙂

    Reply

  6. Kat
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:27 am

    Keep up the fight! I have recently acquired a baby kingdom mirror AND a sort of fancy wardrobe from craigslist. I haven’t done a single thing to copy Paul 🙂 #livelikeVEB

    Reply

  7. Patra
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:29 am

    I love this post 🙂

    Reply

  8. Kate
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:29 am

    Hang in there! You’ve made your house a home….so you must be doing something right.

    Reply

  9. becky up a hill
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:36 am

    defend the honor of your irritation…epic line. Oh good nite this post made me laugh. out. loud.

    Reply

    • applehillcottage
      November 5, 2014 @ 11:12 am

      Oh me too! I love that line. I’m going to remember it. A friend of mine said to me the other day — You and your husband have rehabbed two houses? And you’re still married?

      That’s because we’ve accepted that we can have the same fight 57,000 times.
      This post made me spit out my coffee in laughter!

      Reply

  10. teri
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:36 am

    I have 19 half finished projects on the go and I do not let my husband anywhere near the washing machine. He dumps stuff in a basket on top of it. Last time he washed anything it went through on boil wash as he selected #1 as it was the first number he saw.
    Keep on venting on this blog – you make me smile ♥

    Reply

  11. Patricia
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:37 am

    The way we work it in our marriage. 1) first we kinda agree that the design thing needs to be replaced, updated, painted, have new lights or whatever … well, I SUGGEST it and he eventually comes around. 2) I do all the reseach online, in stores, picking out paint chips and give him his choice of up to three items (sometimes it’s only one but it’s still a choice). 3) facing an unstoppable force, he picks one. 4) I call schedule our handy guy (not my husband… that’s the key to getting him to go along with the whole thing). 5) I buy all the materials and set it all up. 6) handy guy does the work and I clean up. 7) my husband promptly takes credit for the whole project.
    And everybody is happy.

    Reply

    • Marjean
      February 3, 2015 @ 3:34 pm

      You Patricia are a very brilliant woman… only way to fly

      Reply

  12. Fiona
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:37 am

    My husband and I rarely fight. But when we do, it’s about renovations. And then the fights are HUGE. So fun.

    Reply

  13. Patricia
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:38 am

    But he’s really good at doing laundry…

    Reply

  14. Linda S. Montgomery
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:40 am

    Victoria, you’ve been on my mind this past week. I’ve been thinking about Christmas and what fantastic things you have in the works. And I have to add now that I’ve read this post that I am so grateful for your honesty. I thought I was the only one distracted by a shiny object. Truly, I did. But there is you and I find great comfort in our similarities and more specifically, logic. I get you. I’m like you and that makes me very happy. My Dan is like your Paul. They are amazing but lack the creativity and understanding to just KEEP UP!! Sheesh. Thank you for this. Rock on my sister, rock on.

    Reply

  15. Cynthia Christensen
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:46 am

    You crack me up! You must live in my head…..are we crazy or do the men in our lives miss out on our “ever-so-cute” ways. Isn’t this why they fell in love with us? Why do we stay with them? Is it because we love their steadiness? What the hay is going on? I’d like to know, this is exhausting! BTW you are a remarkable writer. Love how you share you and your husband’s stuff. Not only can I relate, I find it comforting that I’m not the only Desi and Lucy Ricardo, in a Ward and June Cleaver world. Thanx.

    Reply

  16. Katie
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:50 am

    I have no idea what you’re talking abou — LOOK! SOMETHING SHINY! *runs to it*

    Reply

  17. Carol
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:50 am

    I love this post. Who hasn’t felt this way in their marriage? My great epiphany was when I learned not to tell my husband (in detail) how I was spending my time unless he asked. I learned to wait until I had most of my ideas formed/research done BEFORE I proposed the next project. Then minor changes seemed reasonable, and the clock began ticking on his watch.

    Reply

  18. Kathryn
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:51 am

    This conversation/fight sounds like it could have been lifted from my house! I know how those comments and certain ‘looks’ can burn holes right through your excitement of the ‘new’ project….Don’t they know how that hinders progress? I am a secret ‘recovering creative’, reluctant to share with the ‘good spouse’…haha…

    Reply

  19. Liza Witt
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:53 am

    You are so funny!! A great way to start my morning, reading this! I, and I am sure many others can relate to your posting. Will be forwarding this to several friends, sister and my Mother!

    Reply

  20. Asia
    November 5, 2014 @ 10:58 am

    So that is it… No actual kitchen planning? I am disappointed in this post… Sure, talk about how you fight about it but at least show some photos of what he has in mind… Something.

    Reply

    • Lara
      November 12, 2014 @ 10:30 pm

      This makes me laugh. I’m always amazed she has fans that really just care what her kitchen looks like.

      Reply

    • judy
      November 16, 2014 @ 8:47 am

      The post need be nothing more than it is-I can assure you there are Blogs that will show you their kitchens-in the planning stage, the possible,probable,everything going swimmingly, falling apart @the studs, costing a Kings Ransom, found in an Alley,country,city,farm style ad nauseum but nobody does blogging like VictoriaElizabethBarnes.com. Kitchens Bah! Who needs em when one is laughing raucously?

      Reply

  21. tammigirl
    November 5, 2014 @ 11:00 am

    Same thing, different day… there goes Paul being unreasonable, again.

    You sort of just have to sigh about the guy, and pat him on top of the head (in your mind) and smile at him. 😉

    My husband is just like Paul, but nothing like him at all. He didn’t marry as well as I did, either.

    Reply

  22. Garden, Home and Party
    November 5, 2014 @ 11:26 am

    I always wonder why most men feel the need to weigh in on design ideas for the home, I mean it’s not like they notice most of the pretty stuff, right? 🙂 Your kitchen is going to be wonderful thanks as much to you and your great ideas as it will be thanks to Paul for implementing those great ideas. 🙂
    xo,
    Karen

    Reply

  23. Gerry
    November 5, 2014 @ 11:26 am

    Made my morning!

    Reply

  24. Beaker
    November 5, 2014 @ 11:27 am

    “It is not my fault that I was smarter when choosing my partner than he was.”

    This is the most brilliant observations about relationships ever written!

    Reply

    • Linda
      November 5, 2014 @ 6:02 pm

      Amen and amen. Brilliant.

      Reply

  25. devon
    November 5, 2014 @ 11:28 am

    “Slow, indecisive, lack of focus, over think, change mind, tired and in need of a nap”……..yup, sounds pretty normal to me, that’s about how I operate!! Remember also Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars……….they can’t help they were born on the wrong planet lol…………..love your post, always entertaining and a hoot to read!

    Reply

  26. Toni
    November 5, 2014 @ 11:33 am

    The BEST marriage advice we received early in our marriage (we’ve now been married 41 years).
    “Teamwork triumphs, rivalry wrecks, protection pays.” You marriage and how you cherish and respect one another is far more important than who is right or wrong, Paul’s way of doing things, or your “big fancy” things. Don’t let STUFF get in the way of your obvious GREAT MATCH and GIFT of one another.

    Reply

  27. judy
    November 5, 2014 @ 11:38 am

    I know you know what I’m going to offer but I have never let that small detail hamper my infinite supply of unwanted, unsolicited advice. All of the qualities you named for you both is exactly why you are together. I married a Chemical Engineer, who existed in a reality where all the walls and woodwork should be painted white because that was clean and hygienic. He went to work did his job came home and repaired mowed changed the oil etc. And was Happy? Happy? I don’t think happy entered his mind-he was minutely satisfied that he always did the “right thing”. I read constantly, loved color and Art and wondering about all of the unanswerable questions. How many Universes are there? Why are there fleas and flies in the World? I finally realize my Karma was to get him to lighten up, not care so much about the work of life and have some fun. His was to get me to get serious, cut down on the flights of fancy and finish at least half of the jobs, projects I started. We made a rule if we started to fight an old fight we had to stop and laugh out loud at the absurdity of trying to agree on everything and just let sleeping dogs lie. I think you may be right brain and left brain dominant and the two war with each other-Logic side says “Don’t even go there Victoria and the lovely fairy creature murmurs-“Oh do-Lets go exactly there Cause its where Beauty and Music and Wonderful Shining things abide. So don’t forget to love you as much as you love Paul cause you are The” cats pajamas” Kiddo………………… and so say we all!

    Reply

  28. Jenn
    November 5, 2014 @ 11:49 am

    You are my husband’s dream girl! We seriously had the same kitchen “discussion ” this past weekend. We’re remodeling our old house kitchen, too.

    Reply

  29. Julie
    November 5, 2014 @ 11:55 am

    This may be the best sentence I’ve ever seen written in a blog, ” It is not my fault that I was smarter when choosing my partner than he was.” I’m laughing so hard in my head right now.

    Reply

  30. Smaller Places
    November 5, 2014 @ 12:06 pm

    From the perspective of a person who is now in the midst of reorganizing the entire house because my projects have so proliferated that I can’t find anything until I do, but who would really rather deal with the five projects on the kitchen counter than finish sorting boxes of important materials (or, better yet, use the kitchen counter for an elaborate cooking project, now that there’s no room on it)… you’re the one I sympathize with.

    From the perspective of a person who’s done home improvement, I am totally Team Paul.

    It is probably time to make some choices, if only to free up physical and mental space for being distracted by new sparkly things.

    Reply

  31. Rachel P.
    November 5, 2014 @ 12:14 pm

    I like Kat’s #livelikeVEB hashtag. And the Braveheart references. And the entire blog. Love when I get an email notifying me of a new post! 😀

    Reply

  32. Suzanne
    November 5, 2014 @ 1:05 pm

    My husband of 28 years has always done his own laundry, and he has only burned up the washing machine motor twice by filling the tub as full as he could pack things in and then turning on the water. The first time, the house filled up with smoke, and he called the fire department, imploring them not to use the sirens, but they did anyway. I was standing outside in the rain (after dark, in November, in Michigan) with two preschoolers in their snowsuits while he explained to the nice firemen how the smoke happened. The second time he overfilled the machine, his mother was visiting! He figured out what was happening when he smelled smoke, before the house filled up with it, so we didn’t need the fire department that time. Just a new washing machine motor. He hasn’t overfilled the machine since then (see, some husbands are trainable!). I taught our two boys how to do their own laundry as soon as they were tall enough to load the machine – but not overload it! They are independent adults now and both do their own laundry without ever needing the fire department.

    Reply

    • Annet M
      November 5, 2014 @ 5:41 pm

      “…both do their own laundry without ever needing the fire department.” – loved this line. Their future partners will thank you :)!

      Reply

  33. Jenny
    November 5, 2014 @ 1:33 pm

    Oh honey.

    This is life. It’s full of feelings that are going to change in a few hours/days/months, and sometimes if we are unwise we make permanent decisions on transitory feelings that we’re sorry about later. Decisions like “Yes! I CAN live with a living room that looks like the Gryffindor Common Room (minus an awesome fireplace) because then it will be a living room again and not an echoing pit of emptiness and dirt, and I can get on with preparing Thanksgiving for my extended family!” Nevermind that while red is my favorite color, gold is NOT. (which is of course the color of the walls.) Remember your perception of what you are to Paul is Yours, not necessarily His. And hang in there. Kitchens are hard.

    Reply

  34. alice
    November 5, 2014 @ 1:56 pm

    My husband always says this when we meet new people. “We married for better or worse. I couldn’t have done better and she couldn’t have done worse.” After 30 years I think I did alright. We are opposites like you and Paul and we have mellowed enough to actually be reasonable people. Our kitchen was done BEFORE/DURING our daughters wedding. Finish your kitchen now so you don’t have to do it while deciding on wedding details. (:
    Love your blog. (:

    Reply

  35. Deborah
    November 5, 2014 @ 1:58 pm

    So, one of the sections I added to my House Renovation OneNote (which is awesome for organizing stuff) was titled “Decisions” with sub pages of “Made”, “To Be Made”, and the very important “Still Arguing About”
    Just sayin.. 😉

    Reply

  36. Maureen
    November 5, 2014 @ 2:26 pm

    You are awesome. I love everything about this post.
    Best line ever: It is not my fault that I was smarter when choosing my partner than he was.
    You should get that on a t-shirt to wear with your kilt for your next big fight.
    Oh and I love your husband. I think he’s marvelous- in spite of his laundry foibles.
    Happy kitchen fighting!

    Reply

  37. Darling Lily
    November 5, 2014 @ 3:20 pm

    Ah, the washing machine loading issue.

    Do they want to do it all in one load, or are they confused as to why they can’t fill it up all the way to the top as logic dictates it should be? (“If it can’t hold clothes all the way to the top, why’d they make it that big?”)

    The world may never know.

    Reply

  38. fi
    November 5, 2014 @ 3:29 pm

    I love that you make me feel normal!

    Reply

  39. Kristi
    November 5, 2014 @ 3:50 pm

    Haaaaaahaha! You are my clone. Or I am your clone. Its exhausting being the artsy one, the dreamer, the visionary in the house isn’t it?! That’s why when I take a utility knife to the retchedly alwful carpet in one of the bedrooms of our rental house, I get reeeaaaally tired because I thought about the potential gorgeousness of the room far to long and I can’t finish what I’ve started. And so, I hack away at the carpet for only ten minutes tops and then realize Chad was right, he told me to wait. Because he understood the carpet was actually glued down for 100 years and I needed man hands to rip it up. But I just can’t wait and rationalize. I needed to see a bare floor! Furniture, even used, ugly furniture, looks better on wood floors than wall to wall salmon colored carpet. Anyway, I digress. Ever have those moments? You totally crack me up with your moments! Thanks for the comic relief.

    Kristi

    Reply

  40. Cassandra
    November 5, 2014 @ 4:08 pm

    “It is not my fault that I was smarter when choosing my partner than he was.” Best. Defense. Ever. I have to use that one in my next argument with my honey. I’m sure I’ll appreciate it.

    Reply

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