The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga…
After spending four hours in an unheated building.
After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick.
After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnightā¦
Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while.
He said I had reached my quota.
I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions.
Then I went and looked on Craigslist.
Now.
Three things:
1. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky.
2. a FIFTEEN-foot-tall mirror is far too large for our house.
3. a posting with no photo = guaranteed garbage.
So I closed the tab.
But a few weeks later, I saw it againā¦ and the primordial-mirror-troll who lives in my head saidā you should find out what that is.
And I was likeā look, mirror-troll:
A. Paulās head will explode.
B. How would I get a 15 FOOT mirror into the house?
And the mirror-troll saidā what if itās fancy?
So I emailed the guy.
Did you read that?
Did you read it closely?
Is there any description that could possibly be more appealing, than something that looks like a KINGDOM?
No.
There is not.
So the mirror-troll was likeā S.C.O.R.E.
But I was likeā ummm hello, twelve-feet is still WAY TOO BIG.
The mirror-troll saidā I bet itās not that big.
I bet they didnāt even measure it.
I BET YOU SHOULD GET IT.
I was likeā word.
So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casuallyā do you want to go look at something?
I think his hair actually stood on end.
He was likeā WHAT?
No.Ā No, I do not.
I was likeā oh, okay, wellā¦ we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to.
You know what he said?
Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
That silence USED to make me insane.Ā But now I see it as a stage in the KĆ¼bler-Ross model of acceptance.
Not even twenty minutes later, he saidā what is this thing you want to see?
To you, this sounds like a question.Ā To me, it sounds like defeat.
So.
You can see that this is not precisely the kingdom’s home I had imagined; and I was sort of like, hmmmm… is it possible the mirror-troll has steered me wrong?
We rang the bell, and the guy came out…Ā He walked past us, down the front steps, and started down the sidewalk.
Paul saidāshould we follow you? Where are we going?
And the guy saidā itās in the alley, under a tarpā¦ it doesnāt fit in the house.
I really wish I had a photo of the look on Paul’s face.
Paul saidā wait. What?Ā How big is this?
The guy saidāabout 12 feet.
Paul saidāTWELVE feet?
We got to the backyard and I said cheerfullyā look! Thatās NOT twelve feet tall!
Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance.
He saidā did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall?
And I saidā no.
It was advertised as 15 feet tall.
But I thought they might be wrong.
I guess Paul is jealous of the way the universe is my personal shopper because he didnāt even acknowledge that itās pretty amazing how I psychically knew this.
AND THEN:
I was likeā I think Iām going to have a seizure.
The mirror-troll saidā I TOLD YOU SO.
Proving for all time, that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
It’s probably total crap.
But it might be this:
I was likeā alrighty then.Ā YUP. For sure. I will DEFINITELY be needing that.
Letās pack it up.
Paul saidā are you kidding me?Ā Are you evenĀ seeingĀ the same thing I am?
And I was likeā look at me.Ā Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because I’m not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.
Paul has this look that he gets.Ā Where CLEARLY he would like to kill someone.Ā But now he is totally inconvenienced because he CANāT.
Because he has to move a giant mirror.
Obviously, Iām fine with murderous irritationā¦ itās a small price to pay for my everlasting happiness.
Besides, itās not my fault that the universe WANTS ME TO HAVE THESE THINGS.
It is OUTSIDE MY CONTROL.
We went home to get Brianās truckā¦ and on the way, I texted a photo to my mom.
She saidā WOW!Ā I cannot WAIT to see it in your house!
I told Paulā my mom loves it!
Paul said– thatās because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true.Ā And also why I love them.
Whatās that?
Youāre thinking this does not look totally reasonable?
Well, it is.
All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck.Ā And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs.
Then we drove home on I-95, which is 14-lanes wide… and I have to say that there is nothing like transporting a Kingdom, down a freeway, at 60 miles-an-hour, while tractor-trailers blow by you.
You have not experienced the meaning of FUN, until you have done this.
Especially since everyone got to listen to me say 47,984 timesā OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS?
I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Everyone really enjoyed that part.
The guys who helped us get it in the house were likeā what are you going to do with it?
And Iām confused by what that question means.
Iām not going to DO anything with it.
It exists.
Therefore it is mine.
The End.
see the even GIANT-er FANCIER mirror I got at auction!
July 5, 2013 @ 1:17 pm
This was a wonderful story with a wonderful ending. I’m so curious, did you already have the other one. Did the guy have a second one to sell you? Did you find a matching one later?
July 5, 2013 @ 2:26 pm
Finally someone else gets it!~ I am so going to make the man who loves me most ( and moves things for me alllll the time.) read this.
July 6, 2013 @ 3:47 pm
I am going to show this to my husband so the next time I want something that doesn’t quite fit well in the Durrango….I can always say “at least it isn’t a 12 foot kingdom honey” Fabulous darling!
July 6, 2013 @ 3:52 pm
yeah – i love it š
July 6, 2013 @ 4:28 pm
Can I just say that I hate the question “what are you going to do with it?” That’s why my husband says any time I want something. “I don’t know, I’ll figure it out later!” Love the mirror, love the story. You’re my kind of gal!
July 6, 2013 @ 7:29 pm
I found that totally hilarious and funny at the same time. You have a great husband to do that for you. My finds don’t usually turn out to be as stupendous when I get them home.
July 6, 2013 @ 7:46 pm
Loved this whole story from start to finish and then the mirror as the prize. A great prize at that and looks awesome in your home. The play by play with Paul was great…
July 6, 2013 @ 9:42 pm
I am new to this blogging world. Imagine my joy when I found you or I think you somehow found me. I was just sharing my gratitude journal with some friends and I found a kindred spirit. I love your whimsy. When the mirror was described as looking like a kingdom I had adjective envy. It is the perfect description. Your home looks like it is as filled with light and delight as your posts. Thank you for sharing your stories with me. Have a great day.
July 7, 2013 @ 2:12 am
I think I fell in love with you more and more as I read this post! You are so incredibly logical when it comes to these things….8-) I stumbled on this post when a friend shared it on FB. I’ve just subscribed to your posts by email. I cannot let you and your adventures slip away.
xo Linda
July 7, 2013 @ 2:17 am
Thank you. That was one of the best things I have enjoyed reading on a blog. Great writing, great story and great find!
July 7, 2013 @ 11:08 am
Count me in as a fan! I love how your photos enhance the story: A word is worth a thousand pictures!
July 8, 2013 @ 10:11 am
I think it would be such a good idea if all of your fans/followers got together and formed a posse to hunt down the rude vulgar commenter and punish him. How unclassy. I’ll bet Paul would join us. You are the queen. And Paul is the king.
I have sent links to your blog to several friends and they have subscribed. Numbers going up!
April 14, 2016 @ 11:49 am
Yes, let’s go commit violence because your argument doesn’t have a leg to stand on otherwise.
Divorce her, Paul. Stand up for yourself.
July 8, 2013 @ 4:47 pm
How in the world did you hang that thing? I don’t think any nail would hold it…
July 8, 2013 @ 5:11 pm
I wish you were my best friend.
July 8, 2013 @ 10:56 pm
My friend posted this on FB and the title made me curious as to exactly what you found. You write with great wit and feeling. I laughed the whole way through just picturing your and Paul’s faces. The mirror is gorgeous. I just finished a romance that was about restoring a pre-Civil War mansion to original colors/fixtures (with modern plumbing) in LA. One thing they had back then were 15-20′ mirrors (high ceilings to combat heat/humidity). Anything smaller would have looked silly with the exceptionally tall ceilings. What they did with them was put them at opposite ends of two connecting rooms (they had sliding panels for middle walls that they opened for grand balls) and the mirrors would face each other making the rooms go on and on into infinity. And millions of people would dance.
July 9, 2013 @ 2:39 pm
Just discovered your blog. This post is truly AMAZING! It made a regular Monday amazing! Thank you!
July 10, 2013 @ 10:24 pm
That mirror is absolutely gorgeous!!! So jealous of your find. I’m just moving into my very own apartment for the first time, and I can’t wait to start looking for antiques and other unique finds for my place, because now I actually have somewhere to put stuff.
July 12, 2013 @ 12:24 am
Brilliant. You. Are. Brilliant. That is all. Oh…and I love you. And I want to be your best friend. And you can use my husband’s truck if you ever need it. It’s bigger. More. I want more! MJC
July 12, 2013 @ 8:46 am
Hi there! I just happened to find your blog today and I must say, this is pretty much the most amazing blog post that I have ever read EVER. You are seriously my new favorite person and I wish we could be friends in real life! lol.
July 12, 2013 @ 9:57 am
This is HILARIOUS! Thanks for sharing š