The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga…
After spending four hours in an unheated building.
After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick.
After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnight…
Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while.
He said I had reached my quota.
I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions.
Then I went and looked on Craigslist.
Now.
Three things:
1. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky.
2. Even I can see that a FIFTEEN foot-tall mirror may be too large for our house.
3. It’s probably total junk.
There are lots, and lots, and lots of mirrors in the antique-listings on craigslist. Half of them are junk. The other half aren’t even old. Plus, a posting with no photo is USUALLY a guarantee that it’s not worth your time.
So I closed the tab… and told myself it was nothing.
I certainly didn’t say anything to Paul about it.
But a few weeks later, I saw it again… and the primordial-mirror-troll that lives in my head said: you should find out what that is.
And I was like—look, mirror-troll:
A. Paul’s head will explode.
B. How could I get a 15 FOOT mirror into the house?
And the mirror-troll said— What if it’s fancy? Why are you slacking off?
So I emailed the guy.
Did you read that?
Did you read it closely?
Is there any description that could possibly be more appealing to me than something that looks like a KINGDOM?
No. No there is not.
The mirror-troll was like— S.C.O.R.E.
And I said— hold on, twelve-feet is still WAY TOO BIG.
The mirror-troll said—I bet it’s not that big.
I bet they didn’t even measure it.
I BET YOU SHOULD GET IT.
I was like– word.
So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casually— do you want to go look at something?
I think his hair actually stood on end.
He was like— WHAT?
No! No, I do not!
I was like— oh, okay, well… we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to.
You know what he said?
Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
That silence USED to make me insane. But now I see it as a stage in the Kübler-Ross model of acceptance.
Not even twenty-minutes later, he said—what is this thing you want to see?
To you, this sounds like a question. To me, it sounds like defeat.
So. You can see that this is the smallest house ever.
Which did not at ALL bode well for what I was hoping.
We rang the bell, and the guy came out… He walked past us, down the front steps and started down the sidewalk.
Paul said—should we follow you? Where are we going?
And the guy said— it’s in the alley, under a tarp… it doesn’t fit in the house.
I really wish I had a photo of the look on Paul’s face.
Paul said— what? Excuse me? How big is this?
The guy said—about 12 feet.
Paul said—TWELVE feet?
I could hear him gritting his teeth.
Sucker.
Sometimes? When Paul is giving me his best stony silence? I just pretend I don’t notice.
It’s way more convenient.
I said cheerfully—that’s NOT twelve feet tall!
Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance.
He said—why did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall?
And I said—I didn’t.
It was advertised as 15 feet tall.
But I thought they might be wrong.
I guess Paul is jealous of the way the universe is my personal shopper, because he didn’t even acknowledge that it’s pretty amazing how I psychically knew this.
To cheer him up, I told him—the guy says it looks like a kingdom.
Paul said— I have no idea what you’re talking about.
I was like—a KINGDOM. Kings? Castles? Have you seen the Vatican?
AND THEN:
I was like– I think I’m going to have a seizure.
The mirror-troll said—I TOLD YOU SO.
Proving for all time, that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a craigslist ad.
It’s probably total crap. But it might be this:
I said—yup. For sure. I will DEFINITELY be needing that.
Let’s pack it up.
Paul said— are you kidding me? Are you even seeing the same thing I am?
And I was like—look at me. Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because I’m not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.
Paul has this look that he gets. Where CLEARLY he would like to kill someone. But now he is totally inconvenienced because he CAN’T.
Because he has to move a giant mirror.
Obviously, I’m fine with murderous-irritation… it’s a small price to pay for my everlasting happiness.
Besides, it’s not my fault that the universe WANTS ME TO HAVE THESE THINGS.
In fact? It is OUTSIDE MY CONTROL.
We went home to get Brian’s truck… and on the way, I texted a photo to my mom.
She said— WOW! I cannot WAIT to see it in your house!
I told Paul—my mom loves it!
Paul said– that’s because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true. And also why I love them.
What’s that?
You’re thinking this does not look totally reasonable?
Well, it is.
All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck. And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs.
Which is a whole other post.
Then we drove home on I-95, which is 14-lanes wide… There is nothing like transporting a Kingdom down a freeway, at 60 miles-an-hour, while tractor-trailers blow by you.
You have not experienced the meaning of FUN. Until you have done this.
Especially since everyone got to listen to me say 47,984 times—OH MY GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS. CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS?
OH MY GOD I CANNOT BELIEVE IT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Everyone really enjoyed that part.
The guys who helped us get it in the house (and will never help us move anything again, because it weighs at least 800 pounds) were like—what are you going to do with it?
And I’m confused by what that question means.
I’m not going to DO anything with it.
It exists. Therefore it is mine.
The end.
see the HUGE Victorian wardrobe we salvaged
the greatest bookcase of all time
antique grand piano we turned into our kitchen island
see ALL my BEST Craigslist finds
June 18, 2013 @ 1:05 pm
Thy KINGDOM come, thy will be done, on craigslist as it is in your house. Amen. I had to do a deep sigh when I got to the finish. What are you doing? You are making me want giant ornate mirrors. Not that I did not want a giant mirror before, but now you make it seem an essential!
June 29, 2013 @ 1:46 pm
*”Thy KINGDOM come, thy will be done, on craigslist as it is in your house. Amen.”* Nice one, Sue.
VEB, I’d like to set up a play date for Paul and my husband, Brad. We can peruse CL, while they speak quietly of their awe and love for us.
June 18, 2013 @ 1:19 pm
This post is SO funny – you definitely have a gift for writing! I cannot believe the things you find on Craigslist. That mirror is amazing – and it looks like it is was made to match to the one you have in your entry way, which is even more amazing! I have never seen anything on Craigslist in Denver like the things you find – I guess we just don’t have really old stuff here compared to the east. I’m definitely going to have to check Craigslist more often (if I ever have time – we finally got our master bathroom remodel done after FOUR MONTHS and now we’ve decided to remodel two more bathrooms !).
June 18, 2013 @ 1:35 pm
a) it IS like a kingdom – what a great description Rocky!
b) exactly what’s the mirror count in your house now? Or to be exact, the ornate, gilded, giant and extremely heavy mirror count?
c) I now want a giant, ornate, gilded mirror in my house…
June 18, 2013 @ 1:46 pm
Such an incredibly beautiful mirror for such an incredibly low price!!!!
How do you know it wasn’t “hot”?
June 29, 2013 @ 12:12 pm
That to me would be a very difficult thing for a group of people to just steal. I mean can you picture a group of people getting away with it? running away with it? Then there is the fact that they kept it outside not worried someone might find it and know who stole it. Though the thought of a kingdom being stolen could start a whole new story.
June 18, 2013 @ 1:50 pm
I would have been sold by anything being described as it “looks like a kingdom”. What sane person could resist that??
The mirror is gorgeous, a lovely match to the other one in your entry!
Now, if you’ll excuse me…I’m going to persue my local craigslist in search of my own kingdom.
June 18, 2013 @ 2:58 pm
SO PRETTY!! I’m starting to believe that Paul goes along with you on all of these adventures because he secretly knows you’re plain brilliant. And maybe it’s just me but it seems that the more ornate mirrors you add, the more amazing the entire collection gets… like some sparkly shiny math problem.
June 18, 2013 @ 3:06 pm
I now NEED a mirror with a kingdom on top, whatever that is! I KNOW I could fit at least three in our 670 square foot apartment. At least I THINK so. Why not try?
June 18, 2013 @ 3:35 pm
Love, love, love this mirror and the fabulous price. Your posts always make me smile … when I’m not feeling cranky with envy!
June 18, 2013 @ 3:44 pm
Nice score!
June 18, 2013 @ 6:29 pm
Ok if you ever come visit we have to go thrifting together. B/C I always seem to find mirrors like this and I am like how am I going to ship this thing so far South? First of all let me just say what are you tricks for getting Paul to go with you? Whenever I find something on Kijiji etc James is like here are the truck keys, have fun b/c he’s like you’re not adding anything else to our basement.
June 18, 2013 @ 6:54 pm
You are INSANE…….and fabulous. 😀
June 18, 2013 @ 7:07 pm
OMG I love it!! How can anyone not love this? And look!….he has been reunited with his little brother in the hall!
Awesome find!
June 18, 2013 @ 7:45 pm
You made me laugh out loud – your story is awesome, and glad you got the mirror you love!! I read this blog to my husband, and he TOTALLY identified with Paul. He laughed and said I’m the same: he can hear the footsteps and know that his day is shot with some “little project” that I dreamed up that is ridiculously difficult in construction terms… but… he always manages to pull it off! He’s the best! I will have to keep coming up with new challenges to test his skills 😉 He still wants to know how I manage to come up with the hardest scenarios… out of all possible things that could be done…
Confession, technically, once or twice, I decided to change my mind and not do a project – after he convinced me -with much gesturing and colorful language – that the house WILL actually fall down if we do the project. Thanks for adding laughs to our day!!
P.S. Definitely understand NOT wanting to do any more projects – I scaled back original ideas because I’m sick and tired of the construction stuff – so much so that “More Saving More Doing” radio ads give me a twitch.
June 18, 2013 @ 7:48 pm
P.P.S Have you gone to the Philadelphia Construction Salvage Yard??? That’s on my list, but my husband will faint over if I go while we have projects in progress. Because I will come home with loads of who-knows-what that I want installed somewhere… in a spot it doesn’t actually fit…
June 18, 2013 @ 8:00 pm
Oh, Victoria, Darling.
What are you doing to me? I have a very conservative, boring, 80’s tract house. And now you are making me want antique mirrors. Which would not go with anything I have, and my kids would destroy them.
When I first saw the picture with the tarp? I was horrified. What was UNDER THERE??? You really know how to build up suspense.
The mirror is gorgeous, and I love the way you placed it in your home. It makes the room look more spacious. It just looks fracking awesome on that wall.
Your husband must love you. A lot.
Congratulations to you for that awe-inspiring Craig’s List find. Your inner voice seems to know what it’s doing…
June 18, 2013 @ 9:58 pm
Brilliant! The mirror, the enablers, your family, your husband… plus you write the best adventures in housing.
June 18, 2013 @ 10:14 pm
Victoria, I love looking forward to your posts! They always make me smile, and yes, I admit, I am a bit of a C-list addict so this one made me chuckle! Face it, there’s a reason our husband’s love us, despite our obsessions w/C-list. The vows were “For better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for C-list obsessions … etc” Of course I just remind my husband about all his audio/video/tv equipment and he’s perfectly happy to deal w/my c-list finds.
June 19, 2013 @ 12:06 am
This is unbelievable–the whole story–how you can find these things (or how they come to you)and how Paul resists, but you know he will do it … and how fabulous all these mirrors are in your home. What’s the backstory on this bad boy?? I want to see photos of the detailing! I have a couple of Eastlake pier mirrors, but my dad painstakingly refinished them decades ago. I don’t believe either of them were gilt. And I would feel gilt-y if I covered his work … but you have me thinking … dammit.
June 19, 2013 @ 4:05 am
I cannot believe you carried on about my dental cabinet, when you had THAT in your house!!!! Gorgeous!! You must have heard angels singing when Rocky pulled the tarp off. I cannot believe he had that mirror outside in the elements!!! And the price? A bargain!!!!
*shaking my head* We don’t have Craig’s list in Australia, so I can’t compete. You win! 🙂
June 19, 2013 @ 10:29 am
BUHAHAHAHA! This may be the most hilarious thing I’ve read on the Internet in quite some time. Love your writing style and this story and your mirror troll 🙂