The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga…
After spending four hours in an unheated building.
After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick.
After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnightā¦
Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while.
He said I had reached my quota.
I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions.
Then I went and looked on Craigslist.
Now.
Three things:
1. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky.
2. a FIFTEEN-foot-tall mirror is far too large for our house.
3. a posting with no photo = guaranteed garbage.
So I closed the tab.
But a few weeks later, I saw it againā¦ and the primordial-mirror-troll who lives in my head saidā you should find out what that is.
And I was likeā look, mirror-troll:
A. Paulās head will explode.
B. How would I get a 15 FOOT mirror into the house?
And the mirror-troll saidā what if itās fancy?
So I emailed the guy.
Did you read that?
Did you read it closely?
Is there any description that could possibly be more appealing, than something that looks like a KINGDOM?
No.
There is not.
So the mirror-troll was likeā S.C.O.R.E.
But I was likeā ummm hello, twelve-feet is still WAY TOO BIG.
The mirror-troll saidā I bet itās not that big.
I bet they didnāt even measure it.
I BET YOU SHOULD GET IT.
I was likeā word.
So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casuallyā do you want to go look at something?
I think his hair actually stood on end.
He was likeā WHAT?
No.Ā No, I do not.
I was likeā oh, okay, wellā¦ we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to.
You know what he said?
Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
That silence USED to make me insane.Ā But now I see it as a stage in the KĆ¼bler-Ross model of acceptance.
Not even twenty minutes later, he saidā what is this thing you want to see?
To you, this sounds like a question.Ā To me, it sounds like defeat.
So.
You can see that this is not precisely the kingdom’s home I had imagined; and I was sort of like, hmmmm… is it possible the mirror-troll has steered me wrong?
We rang the bell, and the guy came out…Ā He walked past us, down the front steps, and started down the sidewalk.
Paul saidāshould we follow you? Where are we going?
And the guy saidā itās in the alley, under a tarpā¦ it doesnāt fit in the house.
I really wish I had a photo of the look on Paul’s face.
Paul saidā wait. What?Ā How big is this?
The guy saidāabout 12 feet.
Paul saidāTWELVE feet?
We got to the backyard and I said cheerfullyā look! Thatās NOT twelve feet tall!
Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance.
He saidā did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall?
And I saidā no.
It was advertised as 15 feet tall.
But I thought they might be wrong.
I guess Paul is jealous of the way the universe is my personal shopper because he didnāt even acknowledge that itās pretty amazing how I psychically knew this.
AND THEN:
I was likeā I think Iām going to have a seizure.
The mirror-troll saidā I TOLD YOU SO.
Proving for all time, that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
It’s probably total crap.
But it might be this:
I was likeā alrighty then.Ā YUP. For sure. I will DEFINITELY be needing that.
Letās pack it up.
Paul saidā are you kidding me?Ā Are you evenĀ seeingĀ the same thing I am?
And I was likeā look at me.Ā Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because I’m not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.
Paul has this look that he gets.Ā Where CLEARLY he would like to kill someone.Ā But now he is totally inconvenienced because he CANāT.
Because he has to move a giant mirror.
Obviously, Iām fine with murderous irritationā¦ itās a small price to pay for my everlasting happiness.
Besides, itās not my fault that the universe WANTS ME TO HAVE THESE THINGS.
It is OUTSIDE MY CONTROL.
We went home to get Brianās truckā¦ and on the way, I texted a photo to my mom.
She saidā WOW!Ā I cannot WAIT to see it in your house!
I told Paulā my mom loves it!
Paul said– thatās because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true.Ā And also why I love them.
Whatās that?
Youāre thinking this does not look totally reasonable?
Well, it is.
All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck.Ā And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs.
Then we drove home on I-95, which is 14-lanes wide… and I have to say that there is nothing like transporting a Kingdom, down a freeway, at 60 miles-an-hour, while tractor-trailers blow by you.
You have not experienced the meaning of FUN, until you have done this.
Especially since everyone got to listen to me say 47,984 timesā OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS?
I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Everyone really enjoyed that part.
The guys who helped us get it in the house were likeā what are you going to do with it?
And Iām confused by what that question means.
Iām not going to DO anything with it.
It exists.
Therefore it is mine.
The End.
see the even GIANT-er FANCIER mirror I got at auction!
Reilly
June 29, 2013 @ 2:10 pm
This is a great story. That mirror is awesome. Although you have the head ache of home renovation I envy your ability to change your living space as I live in an apartment. š
Cindy
June 29, 2013 @ 2:41 pm
Psh……that mirror isn’t even 12 feet, unless both those guys are about 8 feet tall. Love the story, and what an AWESOME find!
Mark
June 29, 2013 @ 3:05 pm
As one of ~10 guys who commented on this, I’m surprised (and please forgive me if someone else post a comment similar to this. I read most of the comments, but not all of them in a truly verbatim manner) – that I didn’t see anyone saying they wanted to see this thing go on Antiques Roadshow or some such venue. I, for one, would LOVE to have an expert evaluate this mirror, help determine it’s true age, where it came from, who was likely to have made it & the general story behind it.
From the craftsmanship alone, I bet it has one heck of an awesome back story š
Thank you for this entertaining read!
Kay
June 30, 2013 @ 1:55 pm
I think it looks like it came from a grand hotel or high end clothing store.
Janet G.
June 29, 2013 @ 3:37 pm
I just read your mirror story and couldn’t stop laughing. I love CL. This took me back a few years ago when I found a 14 ft. Long entertainment center on CL for free. I had to have it, I got my brother and husband to go along with it (since it was my birthday). When we get to the house it was actually a mansion up in the hills over looking L.A. Some how my brother was able to fit this thing (disassembled) in his truck. The fun part was going down mulholland dr. which is a one lane both ways, us in a hurry to pick up my niece from school shooting down this hill while semis going up the hill and kept getting in our lane as they turned (that was fun). Few years forward, I still have the entertainment center, even though I had to cut 4 feet off to fit into our new place and one of the best things I have scored off of CL.
Amber
June 29, 2013 @ 4:03 pm
Has anyone noticed the “mini” (not so mini) matching mirror on the wall in the next room!!! hello!! amazing matching find.
tammigirl
June 29, 2013 @ 4:36 pm
P.S. One time Luis told me not to bring another desk or table into the house. So I had him build me a new house. I don’t think he realizes what happened.
Elyse Marie
June 29, 2013 @ 4:52 pm
Victoria,
I am the laughing butt of all my friends’ and family’s jokes for my vintage/antique obsession, especially when it comes to great bargains and rare pieces of furniture. I am now sending the link to this post on to multiple people, for the laughs, the “I’m not the only one” feeling it gives me, and to prove my point- that Craigslist really is the best place to find a great adventure if you know where to look!
Thanks so much for sharing your story! I’m now headed back to Craigslist Grand Rapids, MI, to scour for the perfect table for my boutique, which I’d given up hope of finding until I read this. I am now re-inspired- it’s hiding out there somewhere, underneath a big tarp in someone’s ally!
Elyse Marie
Karlis
June 29, 2013 @ 6:42 pm
This was hilarious. And also – I hope your appreciate your husband. Quite the catch you’ve got there.
Daisy
June 29, 2013 @ 8:11 pm
ROFL right now…we are kindred spirits. Only add Freecycle in there, too.
When my husband asked me why I was laughing so hysterically, I read part of this to him. Completely straight faced through the whole thing, his only comment was…”I understand Paul.”
This made my day.
Todd
June 29, 2013 @ 8:18 pm
Does Paul have a blog? I’d like to read that.
Stuart Richards
April 14, 2016 @ 11:45 am
Me too.
flabergahsted
June 29, 2013 @ 8:32 pm
…… I can’t believe people spend that much money to furnish their homes with a mirror!?!?! yes cute writing style, but you are a little obsessive and if i were paul I would have crashed the mirror over your head. he is not “quite the man you got there.” he is a push over. either that or he’s just stuck with you and keeps you happy cause you’re good in bed or something… idk… idk why guys sometimes go for woman who are so vain! seriously how self absorbed can you be? but I shouldn’t be name calling, cute article, have fun filling your life with STUFF that makes you happy. but ladies reading this………… this is not reality, this is frivolous, wasteful, and insane.
thanks fro the smile though, I am slightly amused by your insanity.
tammigirl
June 30, 2013 @ 12:09 am
You are right, you shouldn’t be name calling.
How each household spends their home decor money is up to them. I’ve seen people spend twice as much on beer and cigarettes for a month. Or a birthday party for a one year old who will not remember it. Or a million other things I probably would not do. But? Your money = your choice.
The prices she’s paid for those things? Amazing discounts for their value.
Heather
July 1, 2013 @ 1:57 pm
Wow, Flabergahsted. Get over yourself. To restore and impeccably appoint a lovely home is a wonderful thing to do. You clearly have no design sense or any understanding of historical significance of architecture and interior design. Your comments are rude and boorish.
daisy
July 2, 2013 @ 9:24 am
Well, Flab, if you want to start throwing names around, expect to have some land on you. Like, I can’t believe how many misspelled, ignorant, condescending, and critical things you can say in one short comment. Are you trying to set a record? I think you need to hug a kitten or something and let some of that crabbiness you are harboring get soothed away. In the meantime, I will reread this post and enjoy its awesomeness!
Stuart Richards
April 14, 2016 @ 11:46 am
^This is what happens when you call a flock of narcissists out, bro. They get all snippy and defensive that someone isn’t amused by how little they care about other people.
Emily
June 29, 2013 @ 9:37 pm
LOVE IT!
The whole ‘don’t believe the sizing’ is a thing in my parents life too – they found an 1800’s french armoire & bed frame at a local consignment store. It was labeled as 10′ tall – which is clearly too tall for most normal (boring) houses, but would fit GREAT in my parents house … but only on the first floor – not in their 2nd floor master with 9′ ceilings. Of course, that didn’t stop my parents from LOOKING at it… which is when my Dad discovered that it had been mis measured!! and was only 8′ something ish inches that would TOTALLY fit. And it does. Today. š
Love your blog – I come from ‘the older, shinier, bigger the cooler’ blood too.
Katherine Willis Pershey
June 29, 2013 @ 10:30 pm
Funniest blog post of all time, ever. And I read that Bloggess metal chicken post. It takes a kingdom to knock knock the chicken out of first place.
Laura
June 30, 2013 @ 12:12 am
I didn’t even bother to read the other comments, which obviously had to be some variation on, “Ohmygod this is SO FUNNY. Yes, there was out-loud laughter.” Of course this is coming from a woman who once walked a mile home from a thrift store carrying a small table because they wouldn’t let me on the bus with it.
Jason
June 30, 2013 @ 12:53 am
Faith in humanity: restored.
Diane
June 30, 2013 @ 8:51 am
I honestly don’t know where to start about this wonderful blog post. It is basically the same scenario with my husband and I yesterday only a vintage concrete bird bath.
Love Love Love, Diane
Patti Davis
June 30, 2013 @ 9:13 am
Oh Em Gee! You are my HERO! I love you!!! That mirror is astounding.
Seriously – where have you been all this time? Subscribing!!
Jared Delaney
June 30, 2013 @ 2:15 pm
As a frugal shopper, Craigslist has been a gold mine. You just have to know what is truly a good deal. I waited one year to make a move on a coffee table because I wanted one that NO one else had. I found it on CL, for $200 and it is the exact same one in the link. http://www.1stdibs.com/furniture/tables/coffee-tables-cocktail-tables/coffee-table-percival-lafer/id-f_685130/
Mithra
June 30, 2013 @ 3:32 pm
Very endearing anecdote. One of my teens had to come into the kitchen to ‘investigate the source of the barking noise.’ The source was me. Laughing. I didn’t know until today that sometimes my laugh sounds like a bark. But only when I’m really amused. Thank you.
Kristy
June 30, 2013 @ 5:22 pm
Oh dear heavens!! I sooo see me in you bc I sooo would’ve done something like that… and my husband would’ve responded the same exact way! I am cracking up!!
And HOLY CRAP! I absolutely, positively LOVE that mirror!!! AND the one in your foyer! Totaly freakin score!