The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga…
After spending four hours in an unheated building.
After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick.
After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnightā¦
Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while.
He said I had reached my quota.
I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions.
Then I went and looked on Craigslist.
Now.
Three things:
1. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky.
2. a FIFTEEN-foot-tall mirror is far too large for our house.
3. a posting with no photo = guaranteed garbage.
So I closed the tab.
But a few weeks later, I saw it againā¦ and the primordial-mirror-troll who lives in my head saidā you should find out what that is.
And I was likeā look, mirror-troll:
A. Paulās head will explode.
B. How would I get a 15 FOOT mirror into the house?
And the mirror-troll saidā what if itās fancy?
So I emailed the guy.
Did you read that?
Did you read it closely?
Is there any description that could possibly be more appealing, than something that looks like a KINGDOM?
No.
There is not.
So the mirror-troll was likeā S.C.O.R.E.
But I was likeā ummm hello, twelve-feet is still WAY TOO BIG.
The mirror-troll saidā I bet itās not that big.
I bet they didnāt even measure it.
I BET YOU SHOULD GET IT.
I was likeā word.
So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casuallyā do you want to go look at something?
I think his hair actually stood on end.
He was likeā WHAT?
No.Ā No, I do not.
I was likeā oh, okay, wellā¦ we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to.
You know what he said?
Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
That silence USED to make me insane.Ā But now I see it as a stage in the KĆ¼bler-Ross model of acceptance.
Not even twenty minutes later, he saidā what is this thing you want to see?
To you, this sounds like a question.Ā To me, it sounds like defeat.
So.
You can see that this is not precisely the kingdom’s home I had imagined; and I was sort of like, hmmmm… is it possible the mirror-troll has steered me wrong?
We rang the bell, and the guy came out…Ā He walked past us, down the front steps, and started down the sidewalk.
Paul saidāshould we follow you? Where are we going?
And the guy saidā itās in the alley, under a tarpā¦ it doesnāt fit in the house.
I really wish I had a photo of the look on Paul’s face.
Paul saidā wait. What?Ā How big is this?
The guy saidāabout 12 feet.
Paul saidāTWELVE feet?
We got to the backyard and I said cheerfullyā look! Thatās NOT twelve feet tall!
Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance.
He saidā did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall?
And I saidā no.
It was advertised as 15 feet tall.
But I thought they might be wrong.
I guess Paul is jealous of the way the universe is my personal shopper because he didnāt even acknowledge that itās pretty amazing how I psychically knew this.
AND THEN:
I was likeā I think Iām going to have a seizure.
The mirror-troll saidā I TOLD YOU SO.
Proving for all time, that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
It’s probably total crap.
But it might be this:
I was likeā alrighty then.Ā YUP. For sure. I will DEFINITELY be needing that.
Letās pack it up.
Paul saidā are you kidding me?Ā Are you evenĀ seeingĀ the same thing I am?
And I was likeā look at me.Ā Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because I’m not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.
Paul has this look that he gets.Ā Where CLEARLY he would like to kill someone.Ā But now he is totally inconvenienced because he CANāT.
Because he has to move a giant mirror.
Obviously, Iām fine with murderous irritationā¦ itās a small price to pay for my everlasting happiness.
Besides, itās not my fault that the universe WANTS ME TO HAVE THESE THINGS.
It is OUTSIDE MY CONTROL.
We went home to get Brianās truckā¦ and on the way, I texted a photo to my mom.
She saidā WOW!Ā I cannot WAIT to see it in your house!
I told Paulā my mom loves it!
Paul said– thatās because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true.Ā And also why I love them.
Whatās that?
Youāre thinking this does not look totally reasonable?
Well, it is.
All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck.Ā And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs.
Then we drove home on I-95, which is 14-lanes wide… and I have to say that there is nothing like transporting a Kingdom, down a freeway, at 60 miles-an-hour, while tractor-trailers blow by you.
You have not experienced the meaning of FUN, until you have done this.
Especially since everyone got to listen to me say 47,984 timesā OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS?
I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Everyone really enjoyed that part.
The guys who helped us get it in the house were likeā what are you going to do with it?
And Iām confused by what that question means.
Iām not going to DO anything with it.
It exists.
Therefore it is mine.
The End.
see the even GIANT-er FANCIER mirror I got at auction!
June 28, 2013 @ 7:00 pm
WOW! That is a STEAL!!!!! I had to laugh through this post so much because my hubby and I have a very similar relationship! Ha ha Love it! š
June 28, 2013 @ 7:03 pm
A man’s home is his castle…your man should be totally enthralled that you’re truly making his home into a castle/kingdom!
Great mirror!
June 28, 2013 @ 7:04 pm
What I love is I saw the photo and said Holy Shit…Exactly your next sentence. One’s husbands must have Faith in our ability to feel an amazing event in the making and after all…it did fit š
June 28, 2013 @ 7:05 pm
FAB-U-LOUS! Love that mirror and your story. My husband and I go through that exact same discussion every week when I bring my yard sale haul home! They just don’t have the same vision that we do… š
June 28, 2013 @ 7:12 pm
I hate old things. Hate them. I like glass and steel and straight lines. But, oh my god, this is gorgeous. And I LOVE it with the white couch and the othe mirror. Just beautiful.
June 28, 2013 @ 7:37 pm
What a great mirror…and a great story!! I’m laughing out loud because my husband reacts in the same way when I find stuff on craigs list. Maybe he should be happy that I’m not trying to bring home an 800lb, 12ft tall mirror! lol
June 28, 2013 @ 8:17 pm
Wow- that was worth it even just for the story. But you have the story to tell AND you have the mirror! When I moved to this house to be with Mary, I brought almost all my stuff from Long Island. One transplant was an antique mirror (so said the store) that is a little more than 3 Ā½’ high and 2 Ā½’ wide. It fit beautifully in the hall and could be easily seen as one walked through the living room. Then we had our house rewired and for some reason, that space was the only place the electrician could put our second circuit breaker box. That was 10 years ago and the mirror took up temporary residence in my work/art room. Recently, I had a floor put in my work room (replacing concrete slab) and everything in the room had to be relocated to other rooms, mostly the dining room because I never use it. I just checked, the mirror is still there. Now, what I want is for you to sell me some of the wall space in your house so I could surgically insert it next to the breaker box. I understand if that’s not likely, but we still have this wonderful story. I wish you had video of it. Hmmm, perhaps you could reenact it for a TV documentary. I’d watch that.
June 28, 2013 @ 8:29 pm
LOVE THIS! Love the mirror, love the writing! Great find!
June 28, 2013 @ 9:38 pm
OMG. I think I love you! Awesome flair for writing and finding cool stuff in Philly. Look forward to reading more…and figuring out where I can put a mirror that looks like a kingdom in my house…
June 28, 2013 @ 10:04 pm
That is amazing. Now I’m going to be up all night scouring Craigslist in search of something equally amazing (and likely just coming up with nasty old sofas).
June 28, 2013 @ 10:10 pm
I have to ask… How much did you get it for?
June 28, 2013 @ 10:22 pm
I am finding you for the first time tonight… and I just want to say you are my new best friend. I think I have had these exact moments with my husband!!! And I love them and laughed along with you as I read this!! Sharing, pinning, and totally subscribing to everything!! have the best night!!
June 28, 2013 @ 10:59 pm
I about peed my pants laughing at your post!!!! You and your husband sound EXACTLY like my husband and I. I have an affliction for old (LARGE) window frames and my husband and I have had this EXACT same conversation many, many times. Congrat’s on your SCORE!! It is AMAZING!!!!
June 29, 2013 @ 12:33 am
I’m a mirror freak. I’m jonesing. Bad. Which is good.
June 29, 2013 @ 1:26 am
I love this post !!!! You are an amazing wordsmith. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt and forwarder it my daughter who I know will love it too. I’m so glad I found your blog !!!!
June 29, 2013 @ 1:27 am
Hysterical story, hysterical life! Right on to the mirror, it rules!!
June 29, 2013 @ 1:41 am
I am extremely amused, I thank you!
June 29, 2013 @ 4:07 am
I LOVE this story and I totally wish I had a mirror topped with a kingdom.
June 29, 2013 @ 4:09 am
OMG, you are KILLING me! You are so hilarious and wonderful! I started reading your blog about an hour and a half ago, and I haven’t been able to stop. Between this post and the one about the built in wardrobe, I was laughing so hard, my husband actually though I was crying from the other room. I’ve been reading all of your home renovation posts because you’re just so GOOD. I already know I will never ever renovate a house with my husband. We have a hard enough time moving from one house to another with each other. It usually involves him expecting me to conjure up some brute strength I don’t possess to help him move something ridiculous. The last time we moved, he wanted help moving the ginormous old heavy tv that I had already almost dropped when trying to help load it. I declined and said we should wait for someone with beefier arms than my own. After failing to convince me (because he was seriously ready to be done with that crap), his rage helped carry the other side of the tv for him. I’m sure moving is just the tiniest taste of what renovating a house with him would be like. Kudos to you and Paul for still being married.
June 29, 2013 @ 4:31 am
Too funny!! Great story… I was laughing the entire time I read this story, but the fact that you actually made it home via I95 makes it even better!!! Great story telling and great husband!!!