The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga…
After spending four hours in an unheated building.
After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick.
After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnightā¦
Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while.
He said I had reached my quota.
I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions.
Then I went and looked on Craigslist.
Now.
Three things:
1. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky.
2. a FIFTEEN-foot-tall mirror is far too large for our house.
3. a posting with no photo = guaranteed garbage.
So I closed the tab.
But a few weeks later, I saw it againā¦ and the primordial-mirror-troll who lives in my head saidā you should find out what that is.
And I was likeā look, mirror-troll:
A. Paulās head will explode.
B. How would I get a 15 FOOT mirror into the house?
And the mirror-troll saidā what if itās fancy?
So I emailed the guy.
Did you read that?
Did you read it closely?
Is there any description that could possibly be more appealing, than something that looks like a KINGDOM?
No.
There is not.
So the mirror-troll was likeā S.C.O.R.E.
But I was likeā ummm hello, twelve-feet is still WAY TOO BIG.
The mirror-troll saidā I bet itās not that big.
I bet they didnāt even measure it.
I BET YOU SHOULD GET IT.
I was likeā word.
So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casuallyā do you want to go look at something?
I think his hair actually stood on end.
He was likeā WHAT?
No.Ā No, I do not.
I was likeā oh, okay, wellā¦ we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to.
You know what he said?
Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
That silence USED to make me insane.Ā But now I see it as a stage in the KĆ¼bler-Ross model of acceptance.
Not even twenty minutes later, he saidā what is this thing you want to see?
To you, this sounds like a question.Ā To me, it sounds like defeat.
So.
You can see that this is not precisely the kingdom’s home I had imagined; and I was sort of like, hmmmm… is it possible the mirror-troll has steered me wrong?
We rang the bell, and the guy came out…Ā He walked past us, down the front steps, and started down the sidewalk.
Paul saidāshould we follow you? Where are we going?
And the guy saidā itās in the alley, under a tarpā¦ it doesnāt fit in the house.
I really wish I had a photo of the look on Paul’s face.
Paul saidā wait. What?Ā How big is this?
The guy saidāabout 12 feet.
Paul saidāTWELVE feet?
We got to the backyard and I said cheerfullyā look! Thatās NOT twelve feet tall!
Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance.
He saidā did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall?
And I saidā no.
It was advertised as 15 feet tall.
But I thought they might be wrong.
I guess Paul is jealous of the way the universe is my personal shopper because he didnāt even acknowledge that itās pretty amazing how I psychically knew this.
AND THEN:
I was likeā I think Iām going to have a seizure.
The mirror-troll saidā I TOLD YOU SO.
Proving for all time, that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
It’s probably total crap.
But it might be this:
I was likeā alrighty then.Ā YUP. For sure. I will DEFINITELY be needing that.
Letās pack it up.
Paul saidā are you kidding me?Ā Are you evenĀ seeingĀ the same thing I am?
And I was likeā look at me.Ā Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because I’m not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.
Paul has this look that he gets.Ā Where CLEARLY he would like to kill someone.Ā But now he is totally inconvenienced because he CANāT.
Because he has to move a giant mirror.
Obviously, Iām fine with murderous irritationā¦ itās a small price to pay for my everlasting happiness.
Besides, itās not my fault that the universe WANTS ME TO HAVE THESE THINGS.
It is OUTSIDE MY CONTROL.
We went home to get Brianās truckā¦ and on the way, I texted a photo to my mom.
She saidā WOW!Ā I cannot WAIT to see it in your house!
I told Paulā my mom loves it!
Paul said– thatās because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true.Ā And also why I love them.
Whatās that?
Youāre thinking this does not look totally reasonable?
Well, it is.
All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck.Ā And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs.
Then we drove home on I-95, which is 14-lanes wide… and I have to say that there is nothing like transporting a Kingdom, down a freeway, at 60 miles-an-hour, while tractor-trailers blow by you.
You have not experienced the meaning of FUN, until you have done this.
Especially since everyone got to listen to me say 47,984 timesā OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS?
I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Everyone really enjoyed that part.
The guys who helped us get it in the house were likeā what are you going to do with it?
And Iām confused by what that question means.
Iām not going to DO anything with it.
It exists.
Therefore it is mine.
The End.
see the even GIANT-er FANCIER mirror I got at auction!
June 28, 2013 @ 4:51 pm
That may be the single most exquisite thing I have ever seen. And I am nauseous with jealousy.
Enjoy that amazing piece!!
June 28, 2013 @ 4:51 pm
This story is hysterical and I LOVE the way you write! I don’t have a mirror-troll, but instead a shoe-troll. She’s bossy like yours is.
Thanks for making me laugh today!
June 28, 2013 @ 4:52 pm
I love a good Craigslist story!!
June 28, 2013 @ 4:55 pm
Best. Craigslist find. EVER. I think you also might be my long lost twin sister. Or at least our husbands may share a brain. Well done on listening to your mirror troll!
June 28, 2013 @ 4:58 pm
love.this.post….. and the mirror!
June 28, 2013 @ 4:58 pm
hahahah! I can relate so much to this… as if I wrote this story my self… At least I know I am not alone — I’ve always felt bad when I want to pick up or get something & I prefer that my husband comes with me. He’d always ask me these questions suggesting I am wasting his time or it’s going to be something hard to move and therefore not worth it. But then he realizes after a few weeks we have it in the house — he sees the purpose of it and how I got a great deal etc…. Oh boy, I love my husband! LOL!
June 28, 2013 @ 5:00 pm
I usu
June 28, 2013 @ 5:01 pm
That is AMAZING! And I love the one in your foyer as well. It makes your house look twice as big, and all the white furniture? Swoon! Love it!
June 28, 2013 @ 5:01 pm
I usually don’t read people’s blog’s, but I thought this was absolutly hilarious! I am a total Craigslister, and I could just picture myself going and looking at something like that and my wife freaking out! Classic.
June 28, 2013 @ 5:09 pm
Brilliant. Some get it. Some don’t. You do. O’mgod. Wonderful. Sigh. Jeez. Love it.
June 28, 2013 @ 5:13 pm
Saw the link to this story on Momastery’s FB page and I am so glad I clicked through and read this wonderful mirror story! put a big smile on my face – I am happy for you and the mirror troll.
June 28, 2013 @ 5:15 pm
You have TWO kingdoms? Say, what?
June 28, 2013 @ 5:37 pm
I love this!!!!! This is so my husband and I except the opposite. That mirror is insanely gorgeous! Lucky you. I just shared on FB š
June 28, 2013 @ 5:57 pm
This is totally one of the most hilarious stories I think I have ever heard. You rock!!
June 28, 2013 @ 6:10 pm
How is that we have never met? We are soulmates!
I love this part: what are you going to do with it? And Iām confused by what that question means. Love it!
June 28, 2013 @ 6:18 pm
omg, hahaha. lmao, that was hilarious.. and it looks good in your house..
My favorite part, and this made me laugh at loud once I got to the end of this…
“And I was likeālook at me. Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because Iām not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.”
July 8, 2013 @ 11:24 am
I reread that part and laugh every time. My husband would not find it amusing if I continued to do things like this…..I can’t, too old to keep redoing…..but he laughed at this when I read it to him.
June 28, 2013 @ 6:29 pm
That mirror is a thing of beauty. Craigslist surfing JUSTIFIED.
June 28, 2013 @ 6:30 pm
O.M.G. That. Is the best thing I’ve ever seen. I’m so glad you got it. So very glad.
June 28, 2013 @ 6:39 pm
This made my day. Love it!!
June 28, 2013 @ 6:46 pm
Awesome find!!! LOVE IT!