The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga…
After spending four hours in an unheated building.
After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick.
After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnightā¦
Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while.
He said I had reached my quota.
I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions.
Then I went and looked on Craigslist.
Now.
Three things:
1. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky.
2. a FIFTEEN-foot-tall mirror is far too large for our house.
3. a posting with no photo = guaranteed garbage.
So I closed the tab.
But a few weeks later, I saw it againā¦ and the primordial-mirror-troll who lives in my head saidā you should find out what that is.
And I was likeā look, mirror-troll:
A. Paulās head will explode.
B. How would I get a 15 FOOT mirror into the house?
And the mirror-troll saidā what if itās fancy?
So I emailed the guy.
Did you read that?
Did you read it closely?
Is there any description that could possibly be more appealing, than something that looks like a KINGDOM?
No.
There is not.
So the mirror-troll was likeā S.C.O.R.E.
But I was likeā ummm hello, twelve-feet is still WAY TOO BIG.
The mirror-troll saidā I bet itās not that big.
I bet they didnāt even measure it.
I BET YOU SHOULD GET IT.
I was likeā word.
So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casuallyā do you want to go look at something?
I think his hair actually stood on end.
He was likeā WHAT?
No.Ā No, I do not.
I was likeā oh, okay, wellā¦ we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to.
You know what he said?
Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
That silence USED to make me insane.Ā But now I see it as a stage in the KĆ¼bler-Ross model of acceptance.
Not even twenty minutes later, he saidā what is this thing you want to see?
To you, this sounds like a question.Ā To me, it sounds like defeat.
So.
You can see that this is not precisely the kingdom’s home I had imagined; and I was sort of like, hmmmm… is it possible the mirror-troll has steered me wrong?
We rang the bell, and the guy came out…Ā He walked past us, down the front steps, and started down the sidewalk.
Paul saidāshould we follow you? Where are we going?
And the guy saidā itās in the alley, under a tarpā¦ it doesnāt fit in the house.
I really wish I had a photo of the look on Paul’s face.
Paul saidā wait. What?Ā How big is this?
The guy saidāabout 12 feet.
Paul saidāTWELVE feet?
We got to the backyard and I said cheerfullyā look! Thatās NOT twelve feet tall!
Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance.
He saidā did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall?
And I saidā no.
It was advertised as 15 feet tall.
But I thought they might be wrong.
I guess Paul is jealous of the way the universe is my personal shopper because he didnāt even acknowledge that itās pretty amazing how I psychically knew this.
AND THEN:
I was likeā I think Iām going to have a seizure.
The mirror-troll saidā I TOLD YOU SO.
Proving for all time, that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
It’s probably total crap.
But it might be this:
I was likeā alrighty then.Ā YUP. For sure. I will DEFINITELY be needing that.
Letās pack it up.
Paul saidā are you kidding me?Ā Are you evenĀ seeingĀ the same thing I am?
And I was likeā look at me.Ā Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because I’m not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.
Paul has this look that he gets.Ā Where CLEARLY he would like to kill someone.Ā But now he is totally inconvenienced because he CANāT.
Because he has to move a giant mirror.
Obviously, Iām fine with murderous irritationā¦ itās a small price to pay for my everlasting happiness.
Besides, itās not my fault that the universe WANTS ME TO HAVE THESE THINGS.
It is OUTSIDE MY CONTROL.
We went home to get Brianās truckā¦ and on the way, I texted a photo to my mom.
She saidā WOW!Ā I cannot WAIT to see it in your house!
I told Paulā my mom loves it!
Paul said– thatās because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true.Ā And also why I love them.
Whatās that?
Youāre thinking this does not look totally reasonable?
Well, it is.
All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck.Ā And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs.
Then we drove home on I-95, which is 14-lanes wide… and I have to say that there is nothing like transporting a Kingdom, down a freeway, at 60 miles-an-hour, while tractor-trailers blow by you.
You have not experienced the meaning of FUN, until you have done this.
Especially since everyone got to listen to me say 47,984 timesā OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS?
I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Everyone really enjoyed that part.
The guys who helped us get it in the house were likeā what are you going to do with it?
And Iām confused by what that question means.
Iām not going to DO anything with it.
It exists.
Therefore it is mine.
The End.
see the even GIANT-er FANCIER mirror I got at auction!
Mae
June 27, 2013 @ 11:36 pm
We are SO obviously NOT reading the same Craigslist! I need to read yours instead…
Brian
June 28, 2013 @ 12:20 am
There sure were a lot of “I was like….” and “he was like….” sentences in your story. Does this connote similarity, albeit lack of specificity?
Paula
June 28, 2013 @ 12:21 am
OMG. That is so awesome. And I am doubly jealous because we live so far in Nowhereville that we don’t HAVE Craigslist. We have a page on Facebook that is like Craigslist for redneck hillbillies.
But my husband is just like yours. They would get long FABulously in the grumblings.
I am now going to follow you and be all jealous over here in Nowhereville.
Sandra
June 28, 2013 @ 12:45 am
LOVE it…………so thrilled for you. The “hunt” is the best part. Happy you dragged your husband with you and that you had a truck that was able to haul it away……..A M A Z I N G!!! Your house looks fab!!!!
Susan
June 28, 2013 @ 7:04 am
Wait! You already had one and you found one that matches it? Wow! They look awesome!
Susan
Beegirl
June 28, 2013 @ 7:56 am
After a recent CL score of nine pounds of merino wool roving that involved doing her grocery shopping, picking up a few donuts, and hitting the drive-thru prior to the wool exchange, I cannot express how much I LOVED this post. So glad to know there are other kindred spirits out there! GREAT find!
Anke (anke-art)
June 28, 2013 @ 8:34 am
Oh men. The “what are you going to do with it” question is such a male approach… I don’t even know how I came across this post, but I’m glad it introduced me to your blog š
As we’re proud owners of a house from the 1930’s which looked like a pigsty when we moved it (well, it still does, but now with our own crap… LOL), I’ll need to read through your posts to get some inspiration for our overgrown garden.
Greetings from Germany
Anke
Amanda
June 28, 2013 @ 8:48 am
You got to quit picking up things off Craiglist. You never know when your going to buy a haunted Item that a person who died loved so much that they won’t part with the item after death.
Yo-Jean
June 28, 2013 @ 8:49 am
Wow! Good thing you listened to your troll….that you even went to look at a 15′ foot mirror is amazing. I can just imagine how excited you were when it was uncovered and the ride home with it!! What a kingdom!
Evey
June 28, 2013 @ 10:05 am
Word. That is all! LOL!
xo
Evey
Sister Gayatri
June 28, 2013 @ 11:44 am
This is the BEST thing I’ve read in ages! š <3
Alicia
June 28, 2013 @ 11:49 am
I am SO from a family of enablers of the most random, and usually TOO BIG TO MOVE things – awesome story – been there, done that š
Amanda Brendle
June 28, 2013 @ 12:06 pm
Wow..Great find, you went with your gut and it was RIGHT! š
Stacey
June 28, 2013 @ 12:31 pm
I have never read you before and I have no idea what you are about but this was the most hilarious blog post I’ve ever read. I can’t wait to read more!!!
What A Girl Eats
June 28, 2013 @ 2:32 pm
Love this story! I sooo get why you had to get that mirror!
teresa atkinson
June 28, 2013 @ 2:55 pm
i did laugh – a lot. and I have my own story of too big gotta have it — on my site.
i posted about one set of the dang shelves — then the guy called back and offered me the second one — i now own two 11 foot long general store shelves for the way too low asking price of 40.00
mine took a trailer normally used to haul a backhoe to get them home.
http://maggiegracecreates.blogspot.com/2012/02/from-my-childhood.html
Kristina
June 28, 2013 @ 4:36 pm
I think I love you. For real.
Sara
June 28, 2013 @ 4:38 pm
Best story about a Craigslist find. Ever! That was like finding a copy of the Declaration of Independence underneath some painting of dogs playing poker! Well done, my friend! Well done!
Jen
June 28, 2013 @ 4:48 pm
LOVE IT!
Jessi
June 28, 2013 @ 4:49 pm
A few things – I adore this story. For a few reasons.
Your writing is fantastic.
You remind me of me.
Your husband Paul reminds me of MY husband Paul.
My mom would have also loved it.
My family is a group of big enablers of unneeded things, with my mom as the founder and matriarch of that world.
And that mirror? I want one in my house too!