The KINGDOM mirror– proving that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
After the Victorian wardrobe salvage saga…
After spending four hours in an unheated building.
After ripping apart a wall with a toothpick.
After loading and unloading a truck until nearly midnightā¦
Paul told me to stop looking on Craigslist for a while.
He said I had reached my quota.
I nodded and pretended like he was the one who made such decisions.
Then I went and looked on Craigslist.
Now.
Three things:
1. I have a totally ill-advised fondness for anyone named Rocky.
2. a FIFTEEN-foot-tall mirror is far too large for our house.
3. a posting with no photo = guaranteed garbage.
So I closed the tab.
But a few weeks later, I saw it againā¦ and the primordial-mirror-troll who lives in my head saidā you should find out what that is.
And I was likeā look, mirror-troll:
A. Paulās head will explode.
B. How would I get a 15 FOOT mirror into the house?
And the mirror-troll saidā what if itās fancy?
So I emailed the guy.
Did you read that?
Did you read it closely?
Is there any description that could possibly be more appealing, than something that looks like a KINGDOM?
No.
There is not.
So the mirror-troll was likeā S.C.O.R.E.
But I was likeā ummm hello, twelve-feet is still WAY TOO BIG.
The mirror-troll saidā I bet itās not that big.
I bet they didnāt even measure it.
I BET YOU SHOULD GET IT.
I was likeā word.
So on Saturday morning, I said to Paul, casuallyā do you want to go look at something?
I think his hair actually stood on end.
He was likeā WHAT?
No.Ā No, I do not.
I was likeā oh, okay, wellā¦ we could go this afternoon… if you wanted to.
You know what he said?
Nothing. NOT ONE THING.
That silence USED to make me insane.Ā But now I see it as a stage in the KĆ¼bler-Ross model of acceptance.
Not even twenty minutes later, he saidā what is this thing you want to see?
To you, this sounds like a question.Ā To me, it sounds like defeat.
So.
You can see that this is not precisely the kingdom’s home I had imagined; and I was sort of like, hmmmm… is it possible the mirror-troll has steered me wrong?
We rang the bell, and the guy came out…Ā He walked past us, down the front steps, and started down the sidewalk.
Paul saidāshould we follow you? Where are we going?
And the guy saidā itās in the alley, under a tarpā¦ it doesnāt fit in the house.
I really wish I had a photo of the look on Paul’s face.
Paul saidā wait. What?Ā How big is this?
The guy saidāabout 12 feet.
Paul saidāTWELVE feet?
We got to the backyard and I said cheerfullyā look! Thatās NOT twelve feet tall!
Paul acted like this was somehow not of utmost importance.
He saidā did you bring me to look at a mirror that was advertised as 12 feet tall?
And I saidā no.
It was advertised as 15 feet tall.
But I thought they might be wrong.
I guess Paul is jealous of the way the universe is my personal shopper because he didnāt even acknowledge that itās pretty amazing how I psychically knew this.
AND THEN:
I was likeā I think Iām going to have a seizure.
The mirror-troll saidā I TOLD YOU SO.
Proving for all time, that you NEVER KNOW what is on the other end of a Craigslist ad.
It’s probably total crap.
But it might be this:
I was likeā alrighty then.Ā YUP. For sure. I will DEFINITELY be needing that.
Letās pack it up.
Paul saidā are you kidding me?Ā Are you evenĀ seeingĀ the same thing I am?
And I was likeā look at me.Ā Look me in the eye. Do you really believe I am leaving here without this? Because I’m not.
If I have to go on steroids for the next six months? And get a trainer to teach me to dead-lift 1,000 pounds so that I can move it myself?
This will happen.
Paul has this look that he gets.Ā Where CLEARLY he would like to kill someone.Ā But now he is totally inconvenienced because he CANāT.
Because he has to move a giant mirror.
Obviously, Iām fine with murderous irritationā¦ itās a small price to pay for my everlasting happiness.
Besides, itās not my fault that the universe WANTS ME TO HAVE THESE THINGS.
It is OUTSIDE MY CONTROL.
We went home to get Brianās truckā¦ and on the way, I texted a photo to my mom.
She saidā WOW!Ā I cannot WAIT to see it in your house!
I told Paulā my mom loves it!
Paul said– thatās because everyone in your family is an insane enabler with no concept of reality.
Which is true.Ā And also why I love them.
Whatās that?
Youāre thinking this does not look totally reasonable?
Well, it is.
All we had to do was lay it on the bed of the truck.Ā And then use the magic straps which, for about five dollars and a lot of irritation, will do everything including hauling giant bookshelves up three flights of stairs.
Then we drove home on I-95, which is 14-lanes wide… and I have to say that there is nothing like transporting a Kingdom, down a freeway, at 60 miles-an-hour, while tractor-trailers blow by you.
You have not experienced the meaning of FUN, until you have done this.
Especially since everyone got to listen to me say 47,984 timesā OH MY GOD I CAN NOT BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS.
CAN YOU BELIEVE WE ARE GETTING THIS?
I CAN NOT BELIEVE IT.
CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
Everyone really enjoyed that part.
The guys who helped us get it in the house were likeā what are you going to do with it?
And Iām confused by what that question means.
Iām not going to DO anything with it.
It exists.
Therefore it is mine.
The End.
see the even GIANT-er FANCIER mirror I got at auction!
Lin
June 27, 2013 @ 4:24 pm
Unbelieveable!!! The most beautiful mirror I have ever seen! Love the story and am so happy for you! My husband would croake….I would be in Eden if this was mine!
Cristina
June 27, 2013 @ 4:29 pm
I loved the mirror. It is something so absolutely insane I would do it. I have strpped furniture to the top of a dodge neon and a chevy chevette just to get it home…a lot of it needed refurbished but was so unique my inner voice said just go for it…so I totally understand this woman. It looks great in your home too!
Heather
June 27, 2013 @ 4:29 pm
This reminds me (on a smaller scale) how many times I’ve gone out to pick things up and people not believe they will fit in my car.
These people obviously have no concept of what a suicide door does for you. My little saturn has hauled a giant chinchilla cage on the roof, bookshelves, big chairs, and enough camping gear for two people for 4 days, including a huge cooler, and a smaller cooler. We had enough food to feed at least 15 people because I apparently have no concept of how much is too much.
I have even fit two 4 x 8 sheets of plywood in my saturn coupe. It’s like a freaking clown car.
Lora Wells
June 27, 2013 @ 4:38 pm
OMG!!!! I have NEVER laughed so hard in all my life!!!!!
Allison
June 27, 2013 @ 5:30 pm
O.M.G.! I love it….your post….and of course the KINGDOM mirror. Love, love, love.
Julie
June 27, 2013 @ 5:41 pm
Victoria,
I love your writing style, hysterical! I read this and also clicked on the link about the salvaged Victorian Eastlake Wardrobe. Very entertaining. I especially love how you describe your conversations with your husband; I can just picture the expression on his face.
Very enjoyable š
Hannah
June 27, 2013 @ 6:00 pm
I LOVE THIS! My husband is no stranger to the, “Roooory, I found this thing on Craigslist…”
Mike
June 27, 2013 @ 6:00 pm
you are hilarious and I laughed the entire time I was reading this. That mirror is Uh-Maaz-Ziiiing!.
Laura Ivy
June 27, 2013 @ 7:45 pm
OMG, are you ME?
I had to tell my husband your story and show him the mirror because I drive him crazy with my CL pick ups. My mom is the same way. We are addicted, but it’s so worth it!
LKD
June 27, 2013 @ 8:46 pm
Nice mirror, but JFC you’re tedious – and nobody except tabloid rag op-ed hacks writing for 4th grade reading comprehension needs all those. Little. Drama-bait. Sentences.
Kristin
June 27, 2013 @ 8:55 pm
Geez, if you haters don’t like her writing style, DON’T READ IT! Move along. There are plenty if us who do appreciate it. Yeah, I’m talkin to YOU LKD.
Marty Schoenleber, Jr
June 27, 2013 @ 8:51 pm
Wow!
Great, fun post.
Great, fun find.
Great, fun husband.
Thanks for the the joy.
Val
June 27, 2013 @ 9:21 pm
Awesome! Your hilarious! Could not stop laughing. Beautiful mirror too. You should meet my partner, he’s your exact match… lol.
Ed Rhubart
June 27, 2013 @ 9:44 pm
I know you! We were separated at birth. Which means I’m next in line for that Kingdom mirror. Congrats. I’m absolutely green. But, I’ll be visiting!
Ed Rhubart
June 27, 2013 @ 9:51 pm
Forgot to mention, Alan and I have a category called “Gifts from the Street.” People in NYC throw out the damned things; among other things I’ve dragged home is a SIGNED Stickley chair.
More than once I’ve “pogo-ing” my way past a dumpster. Once, when a friend asked me what I was doing, I replied, “Shopping!” Duh, huh?
Claudine
June 27, 2013 @ 10:44 pm
This is hilarious!!! A friend shared on FB! I read the whole thing out loud to my husband, LOL!
I love how we, treasure hunters, think alike!!!!
I’m so excited you got it!!! I love your kingdom mirror!
Cheers,
Claudine
Carol in E TN
June 27, 2013 @ 10:51 pm
You did good girl! Did you pay the $280.00 or did he take less?
phyllis
June 27, 2013 @ 11:04 pm
He was right, that IS a kingdom! And YOU are the queen!!!
This story makes me warm and fuzzy, which is great š
I’m very happy to have discovered your blog, too!
Heather
June 27, 2013 @ 11:13 pm
That was Blogess level hilarious and I had to explain to my husband why I was snort-laughing. š Ridiculously awesome find!
Annie~SavorThisMoment
June 27, 2013 @ 11:13 pm
I.am.in.awe.
Your power is amazing!!!
And I’m guessing 8.5 feet tall.
Congratulations on your new kingdom!
Nan
June 27, 2013 @ 11:31 pm
I love your warped sense of humor and your skills. Getting your husband to move that out of an ally, into a truck and then into your house is awesome. Not to mention that you already had one similar to the one you purchased. You need to teach classes for the rest of us. You go girl! By the way….I have an antique mirror I’ve tried to sell on Craigslist before……..seriously…….no joke! Where were you then?
Nicole
June 27, 2013 @ 11:32 pm
OMG! Love it! I laughed so hard and can so relate!