Elvis has left the building.
We put Elvis to sleep last Tuesday.
It was time.
She had not been eating well and she just wound down and down… Even after Paul had a very serious conversation where he explained to her: earth is for eaters; if you don’t eat, you can’t stay… nonconformists will not be tolerated.
The hospice vet came to the house in the morning. We held her on our bed, on her favorite blanket. We told her that she didnāt have to be afraid, and that we loved her more than anything, and she willĀ always still be here, right in our hearts, forever.
Elvis’s head was on my shoulder when she died. I hope she didnāt know what was happening.
An hour later we took her to be cremated.
We took her all the way to the machine because my heart hurt to think of her being alone, or with strangers; and I wanted to be with her as far as I couldā¦ I don’t think she knows any of that. But it mattered a lot to me.
Then we waited for her ashes and took her back home.
She’s got a little shrine right now, with lots of flowers from the garden, and her fuzzy ball, and the small dish of whiskers she shed/I found over the last 12 years.
Itās on the spot on the rug where she would RUN, as soon as you walked in the door; she would start doing her aerobics because she wasĀ so excited that you were going to pet her…Ā At night she comes upstairs to the bedside table.
When I’m ready she’ll get moved to the Elvis Memorial Library. (Previously known as Cleveland bookcase)
For twelve years, Elvis was basically half of myself, soĀ I expected to be sad. Really sad. Debilitatingly sad. But I didn’t understand the actual FRANTIC physical sensation of missing her. Wanting to pick her up and feel her fur and talk to her and hear her purry chirp.
And I would like to say officially: THIS IS A HORRIBLE SYSTEM.
How has humanity not just curled up and died from incurable loss?
I literally do not comprehend how people survive when it is human family.
Iāve been camped out in my tent of sadness… it was really unmanageable at firstā the tent kept collapsing and trying to suffocate me.
But I think now Iāve got it packed into something more wheelbarrow-sized, which is nice and convenient because it’s portable, so when youĀ have a breakdown outside your house, you have all the supplies.
Making this video was helpful, but also so sad… I can’t believe she’s really gone.
*If you can’t watch the video, try reloading the page, or being sure that you aren’t inside of the Facebook app… it seems to break the video.
I miss everything about her. Our conversations. Her smell. Her chirp. Her smoochy face. Her white feeties. Her wompy ear.
But I know she had a wonderful life and THE MOST LOVE, and that’s really the best that any of us can hope for in this life.
August 9, 2016 @ 1:09 pm
Gah…tears, throat lump, breath holding…I feel your pain in so many ways. The love you shared is so important, and such a wonderful thing. I’m so sorry for your terrible loss.
August 9, 2016 @ 1:12 pm
I am so very sorry. I recommend a book called, Cat Heaven written by Cynthia Rylant. It is a children’s picture book, but I read it to feel peace about my sweet friends that have crossed into Pet Heaven.
August 9, 2016 @ 1:13 pm
So very sorry….?
August 9, 2016 @ 1:15 pm
Elvis was the best!
May your many happy memories carry you. Although I highly recommend full out crying, anytime, any place, for as long as you need, for at least a year. It worked for me. We only made it for 2 months before adopting Double Trouble. I was just so miserable, hated coming home, entering the empty house was just too painful. We adopted 2 bonded brothers, sight unseen, from East Coast Maine Coon cat rescue, sight, from a photo of a vet tech trying to hold them in her arms. I knew they would be a major distraction. They were in Arlington, MA and I live in MD and the afoption process took toooo long, but they were worth the wait. Jake and Elwood didn’t keep me from spontaneously crying, but at least I looked forward to coming home. A year later we discovered that 3 is the perfect number, but that’s another story. (((((HUGS)))))
August 9, 2016 @ 1:15 pm
Only this could bring me out of my introverted-observer space to tell you how very, deeply, sorry I am for your loss. I have traveled that road, and it is almost unbearable.
August 9, 2016 @ 1:21 pm
So sorry about your Elvis… Had to put my Lulu girl (dog) 1st of July she was my 1st and also 13. Miss her terribly. Big hugs!
August 9, 2016 @ 1:22 pm
Weeping with you and for you. Pets give us such unconditional love and indescribable joy and ask so little in return.
You gave her a wonderful life and a compassionate dignified death.
She will be in your heart forever. But when you are ready, you will love another just as much. And they will break your heart just as bad. But that is the deal.
Hugs,
Catherine
August 9, 2016 @ 1:24 pm
My heart broke while reading this post. Elvis was so lucky to be so well loved. I never knew there were hospice vets who would come to your house, but I am glad to know about it for when the time comes for my current furry children. The missing her will never fully go away, but in time you will be able to remember her with more feelings of happiness than sadness. Hugs to you and Paul.
August 9, 2016 @ 1:24 pm
I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute you gave Elvis. I used to be a vet tech and I learned what pets want most is to have a family to love and be loved by. You gave Elvis that. You gave a special little soul a safe and loving place in this world where she could be herself. That makes the world a better place and you were also kind enough to share her bright light with us. She made me smile many times. Thank you.
August 9, 2016 @ 1:26 pm
That was heartbreaking. I’m so sorry. Such a lovely video to remember her with.
It does get easier. Eventually you remember them without the tears and sadness, but with happiness that they were a part of your life, and you remember the funny things they did and it will make you laugh instead of cry.
12 years is not enough.
August 9, 2016 @ 1:29 pm
My most sincere condolences.
I know the pain of your loss. It is inconsolable…for now.
“Unable are the loved to die. For love is immortality.”
Emily Dickinson
August 9, 2016 @ 1:37 pm
Pets mean so much to us. They are ours, we are theirs. From sitting with my sister as she died I know for certain you will absolutely see Elivs again. Not only will you see him, but he will encourage you along when it is time. Now… think about the kitties in foster care or the pound waiting for you. Morn Elvis and look for his guidance when choosing the next family member. So not a replacement just a new member. Hang tough.
August 9, 2016 @ 1:39 pm
I grew up on a farm; I deeply loved all the animals from the cows and horses to the pigs, rabbits, chickens, dogs and cats. Intelligent, responsive, curious, frisky and wonderful beings that populated my world and kept me company has resulted in my never eating them. I love their very existence which enhances my own. Loss is as painful, huge, and amorphous as the love that pours through us for our fellow inhabitants on this journey. To love one animal deeply is to become aware of them all. You have cared with every fibre of your being and every sentient being thanks you for your enormous capacity for love.
August 9, 2016 @ 1:39 pm
I’m so so sorry to hear about Elvis. I felt the time was coming soon for her to go and get her wings in Heaven. It saddens me and she wasn’t even mine .I believe it’s because you shared so much of her life with us and I will surely miss all of that. I had 2 beautiful cats I had to put to sleep myself just recently or so it seems because I still ache for them. My Balto whom I had to put to sleep 3 years ago, he was 12 and my Brandy which I had to put to sleep last year , 2 days b4 her 14th birthday. Her and Balto came from the same mother and father cats. I had them since they were about a month young. I have 2 more cats I rescued Stormy and Spooky when they were babies 8 years ago and having them has helped comfort me a lot. I pray you find comfort soon and know we all love you and are here for you. XOXO
August 9, 2016 @ 1:47 pm
I am so so sorry about Elvis. What an amazing gift you were to each other. Please take good care of yourself, even while you grieve. Much love and peace to you and your husband.
August 9, 2016 @ 1:53 pm
My heart hurts for you. Saying goodbye is so so hard. And I agree: this circle of life is complete crap. I am completely against dying.
August 9, 2016 @ 1:54 pm
Oh my I commented then watched the video. I’m so tore up right now. What a beautiful tribute you did for her and she knows how much you love her and miss her. She feels the same but is great because she says no more pain Mommy and she’ll see you again in a blink of an eye. Oh man I can’t stop crying. She reminds of my Balto he was a beautiful black and white too. We will forever miss I’ll babies but will go on. Lots of love and will be praying you find some comfort soon honey XOXO
August 9, 2016 @ 1:54 pm
So very sorry for the loss of the amazing Elvis….she was truly loved, and is now wowing all the other lesser stylish felines, Holly Golightly herself, in her magnificent pearl necklace!
XOXO
August 9, 2016 @ 1:54 pm
There are no words to make it better but time and warm, wonderful memories will help. Hugs to you and Paul.
August 9, 2016 @ 2:01 pm
I both smiled and all-out bawled while reading your post–you’ve written a lovely tribute to your sweet girl. I’m so sorry for your loss and hope the smiles of remembrance outweigh the tears very soon. {hugs}