1. AnnMarie
    August 31, 2017 @ 8:40 am

    It sounds like you are still grieving the loss of your beloved Elvis. It takes time to get through it. Be patient with yourself and do the things that bring you joy right now. When you are ready you will find inspiration to continue your kitchen. Death reminds us all of what is really important and that is the people, family, friends and pets we share our lives with. Give yourself time and grace. Hugs!


    • Red Ellie
      March 13, 2018 @ 10:04 pm

      The loss of a pet that held your heart…as well as the death of a dear one, pretty much trumps everything else we don’t absolutely Have to do. Time helps. No real fix but it helps.
      Recently found your writings. You are certifiable and I’m liking the way you think.
      Carry on.


  2. carol garcia
    August 31, 2017 @ 9:37 am

    Girlll, shush your griping… you have it all… you and your other half have survived a major remodel, the loss of a beloved pet and who knows what all else. Now as to your appliances… either white or cobalt blue. they look very pricey. dont know why you are sweating so, you are the one who put a piano in the kitchen. Keep us informed with the latests updates. Good luck and God bless.


  3. Paola44
    August 31, 2017 @ 11:04 am

    Someone who only eat kale doesn’t need a kitchen anyway 🙂
    Paola44 from France


  4. Kim H
    August 31, 2017 @ 2:24 pm

    About two weeks ago, I discovered your blog. In that time, I have read the entire thing. The ENTIRE thing. I think you are a very brilliant and unique lady who has been richly blessed in her choice of spouse. I’m sure Paul understands your grief over Elvis. I have an 8 year old cat who is just as wonderful to me and I will be a basket case forever when she leaves. Just give yourself time.

    I know a lot of other folks have commented, but if you’re really struggling this badly, seeing a therapist might be beneficial. I went through some depression when my husband and I found out we couldn’t have kids. I wish someone would have recommended therapy for me. I know it would have helped. (I’m fine now. We’ve adopted 2 children and I’m coping with the loss that comes with infertility.)

    And, if you are actually looking for input on the stove, I love white appliances. You’ve got so much in your kitchen that draws the eye (the piano island and that mirror), that another centerpiece like a cobalt blue stove/oven might be too much. Although, what am I saying? You’re a hoarder and possessor of the GFTs, *of course* you need a cobalt blue stove. If it gets the creative juices flowing (the ones that say, “I want to finish this kitchen”), it sounds like the right choice.


  5. Lorene
    August 31, 2017 @ 4:00 pm

    I just want to give you a hug. I lost my Noodles, suddenly in January. I can so relate. Pour your love into Paul and those foster kittens. Hoping each day gets a bit brighter.


  6. Bernie
    August 31, 2017 @ 4:31 pm

    Well, I do hope you get back to the decorating part….and the smart and snarky posts. I’ve missed those. BTW I know some of the commentors were criticizing other commentors comments (huh?) My feeling is, they are very entertaining, and if you are going to have a blog, and have a comment section, all comments should be welcome…..unless they are unnecessarily rude or offensive. Welcome back VEB. We are on year two of what should have been a 6 month renovation. Some people (me) just cant make a decision I will have to live with until the end of time.


  7. Bernie
    August 31, 2017 @ 10:54 pm

    ps please take care of yourself. When I was reading your post I thought, wow, she really sounds depressed…I dismissed my thought, because I am not a professional…but now after reading how others picked up on it, I guess I wasnt that far off. I know this had nothing to do with stoves……


  8. mpv61
    September 1, 2017 @ 10:02 am

    I would choose a black stove to go with the gorgeous piano island. It would be a gorgeous, fancy, black-tie, kitchen. Every other fancy thing you find in the future will go with it. It’s also the color of your dear Elvis.

    My thoughts are with you and your ongoing loss.


  9. Margie
    September 1, 2017 @ 11:32 am

    I too have a guy named Paul. After the sudden death of one of my dearest friends this past December I too have been in the grief freeze. This has been the worst he has ever seen me. ( this is the worst it has been since the death of my mother in 82) . And he also stays.
    He is good about not pushing and saying where do you want dinner from, instead of what’s for dinner.
    Copper is always a beautiful choice.


  10. judy
    September 1, 2017 @ 12:39 pm

    Why in the name of abandoned Aardvarks are you wasting your time studying your flaws. Is there some anomaly in that brilliant brain that tells you you shouldn’t have any flaws?
    Jeez louise girl ya got a treasure who loves you (his anger now is caused by panic-he’s your lifeguard and you are in choppy waters resisting all of his attempts to bring you back into the safe harbour of his love and protection and you just don’t wanna be saved right this minute cause despair makes no demands of action or accomplishment..just to dwell in a drab dark state of misery that gets kinda cozy and comfortable after awhile and hell what a tribute to the dearly departed. Self is slowly oozing into a permanent state of awful- all desperate proof of how much the loved one was loved.) You are way too unique in this crazy World to abandon yourself or your talents to the futile attempt to defeat the S**t of living. But being deliberately happy is a way to begin. The best advice I got to quit cigarettes was never ever say I am “trying to quit” Say with complete conviction I am not a smoker! So for my sake and all the strangers who love you-Please put down your bag of sad and pick up that bouquet of Dalias and happy and dance….with Paul into your future.


  11. Sascha
    September 1, 2017 @ 3:43 pm

    “Unfortunately For Paul” is my new favourite book. I especially love the chapter entitled “Paul Learns About Science”. As P.G. Wodehouse once said, sometimes you need to ride madly off in all directions. Safe journey!


  12. Carol Maher
    September 1, 2017 @ 5:36 pm

    Time takes time. I have been in paralysis mode for some time as well. So not me. I am even afraid and procrastinating about reading an article that just might reveal the magical and easy answers to my dilemmas. Ha! “Writing the Script for your Next Act” remains dog eared, folded and has moved all over the house, still unread. #weekendgoal


  13. Diane
    September 6, 2017 @ 7:54 am

    Aw honey, just breathe. Grief knows no timeline and you are entitled to wallow in it. Eventually the fog will clear and I suspect that when it does, you will find your Paul standing there. The kitchen can wait. He can wait. He’s just trying, in his alien way,
    to help move you forward. Sometimes the best answer is “not today.” Eventually you will make all of the decisions you need to, maybe just not today. That’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with you, you’re hurting. You will move beyond the immediacy of your pain in your own time. Just remember to tend to your hygiene on occasion and to breathe. My heart goes out to you.


  14. tiffaney jewel
    September 7, 2017 @ 4:54 pm

    We call this being out of fucks. Sometimes I feel like I’m so out of fucks that I have negative fucks, and maybe a note from god saying “IOU sum fux”. Don’t worry though, your fucks will return. All you can do until then is keep on keepin’ on.


  15. Bee Dee
    September 8, 2017 @ 11:52 am

    You never know how long grieving will last, and you are grieving. Don’t think of the whole kitchen. What’s one small thing you or Paul can do to move forward. Then stop and rest a bit. It doesn’t all need to be done at once. Just something small…..we will all love you anyway.


  16. Melissa Love
    September 8, 2017 @ 12:39 pm

    Never promise when you’re happy.
    Never reply when you’re angry.
    Never decide when you’re sad.

    Ziad Abdelnour


  17. Kirsten
    September 8, 2017 @ 5:07 pm

    Girl, sounds like you’re an avoidant-type. Me too. It’s so, so, so hard to unstick from it when you’re caught in a cycle of guilt/shame… guilty for not finishing projects, for keeping people waiting, for not meeting what you think are peoples’ expectations (but are really probably yours and yours alone- the people who love you, who matter, know who you are and don’t expect you to be any different ); and then the inevitable shame that just makes you want to keep on hiding. Over and over. Be gentle with yourself, forgive yourself- but be honest with yourself, too. Keep a light shined on the things that make you feel like hiding.
    Everyone’s different, but when I need to unstick, I always start with lists. It brings all the tasks that I’m afraid of out in the open, where I can’t ignore them, but in a non-threatening and non-tangible way. Then I break them down.

    …whatever you do, do not worry about the expectations you think your readership has for you. We know you by now, and we know you’re worth the wait. Take care!


  18. RT Boyce
    September 8, 2017 @ 5:38 pm

    Yeah, I have had this happen too, for two dogs of ours. Sorrow for a while, then everything is OK, but everything is also very flat. But this also passed, given more time, and then everything was good again.

    Is there anything making you stuck in the flat phase? Anything you circle back around and think about with regret/dread/pain, push away, and it comes back again later relentlessly? Sort through it and figure out how to make peace with it. Puzzle it over, tease it apart, locate the thing you can’t bear to remember. And then: forgive yourself, forgive the vet, take it on as a mission that that thing will never happen to another animal in your care… whatever it takes to incorporate it into yourself and your story.

    And emerge into the other side of the experience, the part of your life you go on and live afterwards.


  19. Jacquie
    September 9, 2017 @ 6:23 am

    Bugger I’d written something lovely, not beautiful, but good for me and it lost it! My sentiment is it’s good to talk and sharing your thoughts hopefully helps you through this time and there’s always someone who appreciates your writing.

    Do take care of yoursel, the kitties need you x


  20. Darling Lily
    September 14, 2017 @ 12:33 pm

    Oh, sweet girl, grief has no timetable. And you’re an emotional woman, so grief will take a worse toll.

    Tell me, by any chance are you the type who gets obsessed with something for several years, then moves on to something else? Because I am, and am wondering if maybe you are as well, and are simply over your Kitchen Phase. At least to the point where you can not care so very much about every minute detail?

    Because truly, you are just one glorious stove and a GFT or three from having The Best Kitchen On the Entire Interwebz; I think Paul could take it from there.

    Really, you just need to pick the stove ( my choice would be the black with gold, cobalt second choice, although the yellow would be my favorite if I weren’t afraid of being limited to certain design choices going forward), the GFT can be gotten as they present themselves.

    It would be easier for you to decide/design/choose within the confines of the space left after the stove is in place, too, trust me.

    Sending healing and peaceful vibes to soothe your grieving raccoon brain, and much love, if that isn’t too creepy!


  21. Furntastic
    September 25, 2017 @ 7:08 am

    Great post. I like blue. Thanks for sharing this post.


  22. PAR
    September 28, 2017 @ 3:27 pm

    Well said! I need to renovate two kitchens and after my mother died, I am having such difficulties deciding on colors, materials, blah blah blah! Really it’s totally much pressure right now! Thanks for this post!😘


  23. Amber S.
    October 6, 2017 @ 6:04 pm

    I literally almost started crying over that last photo, Paul channeled a present from Elvis to you? He must be one of the sweetest men alive, definitely a keeper. ♥


  24. Toni
    October 25, 2017 @ 11:48 am

    Your last line of this blog said it all…..marriage forces us to look at ourselves. AND, if we don’t run from that…..you both win in the long run! 45 years has taught me that. Love will endure with growth in both of you…..the kitchen is just an opportunity to bring that growth to the surface. What is more important anyway, a solid growing marriage or a gleaming blog worthy kitchen? Hang in there!


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